Do you think it’s a bit odd when some people completely engross themselves with their child school, to the extent that

[LardLizard]

They even get jobs there, and all there social interactions and friends become people they know through the school other parent friends

And all they post or say they’ve been upto
Is doing things with school friends

I tend to think surely you’ve hit some other friends and also think I wouldn’t have liked that as child, there just no breathing space

Hen plus if there’s every any problems or fallouts it’s like it the end of the world to them

I can't understand the hostility to volunteers. It's this mean spirited mocking of "do gooders" that is such an unpleasant British characteristic
I'm not mocking people who genuinely seek to do good deeds and help out.

I am mocking the types of parent my friend had to deal with who loved trying to appear all kind and friendly whilst being horrendously bitchy, gossiping about children with additional needs, trying yo use their role in the PTA to push my friend to kick other 'less deserving' children from a residential so their children could go and then when that failed trying to nudge staff into making a request for PTA funds so THEIR children could be given prefernetial treatement.
Damn right I have no time for people like that. They are not altruistic. They like swanning around being the big 'I Am' whilst being quite unkind about other parents and children.

Thankfully when my friend reported their advances, everyone was already aware what that nasty little clique were like.

TheOnlyLivingMumInNewCross
They sound similar. Not the same woman though. Same principle I'll try to use my position to gain information/develop leverage/benefit my DC at the expense of others. It's quite a horrible quality.

The good thing is most staff and other parents can spot them a mile off.

I volunteered at DD's school,with that under my belt,I got a job at a different school. I still enquire about jobs at DD's school because despite the good hours and understanding employer at my school,working at DD's school would make logistics even easier.
It's all planning and wanting an easier life for me and DD ,not being over-invested in DD's life. As it is i only have about 3 local friends,which are also school mums, but that's because i'm a grumpy and antisocial sod.

Fair enough, MingMoo, those posters can only realistically be talking about people in their own orbit though, can't they? They can't know what other people's circumstances are and sweeping statements are just a bit daft.

My view is that there's good and bad; it's not always apparent which 'group' people fall into either.

I do see what you are saying.
I think you may be referring to people like me.
I was a stay at home mum. So I joined the PTA when my eldest started primary school.
I hated being on the PTA but it gave me a purpose so I stuck it out for a few years.
I then started helping as a reader at school, and helped with school trips (not all of them, just those I was asked to go on, I was never pushy).
It just so happened that when ds was in year 4 his teacher was the school SENCO. So she asked me to get involved in reading with dyslexic pupils (after I had been trained by a TA).
When ds was in Y6, a TA post came up and same SENCO (no longer ds's teacher) asked me to apply. I got the job.
That was nearly 10 years ago.
Ds did not like me working in his school so I stayed distant. Same tactic I employed when dd was there. I have to admit, her fallings-out with friends were hard to deal with. But luckily those incidences were rare. Being in the staffroom when a teacher mooted the opinion that dd had aspergers was not easy either.
I remained friends with my two closest friends (both their dc were in the same class as my two dc).

I maintained my friendships with friends not involved with 'my' school.
I socialised occasionally with some of my fellow TAs (same as I would any colleagues in any other job)
My dc are now 18 and 15 and have long finished at the local primary.
I however are still there.
I love my job.
My life does not revolve around that school although i can see why some people may think it did.
Mostly though, I love my job :)

My view is that there's good and bad; it's not always apparent which 'group' people fall into either.
There's good and bad.
But if the OP is outlining a particularly cliquey group she's experienced then I'm willing to reflect on all my experiences of schools and say 'yeah people like that exist. They're a PITA'.

There are many many wonderful helpers too and volunteers. But their existence doesn't stop there being really quite bitchy types.

Some on here seem to have taken the approach 'someone has a bad thing to say about soem parent helpers therefore it's an attack on all of us'.

People who do sod all always snipe at people who volunteer. It's a way of suppressing the teeny tiny smidgin of guilt that sometimes threatens to mar the surface of their consciences.

But it's not a snipe at people who volunteer.

I volunteer for things out of school.
I have parent helpers with my extracurriculars (and their company is very much appreciated).

I still cannot abide nasty bitchy cliques who seek to use their knowledge of schools to try and weight the world in favour of their child or to gossip and bitch about other children and families.

I work full time and wish I was more involved with the goings on at the school. I feel a bit of an outsider when I do go to the odd event. If I didn't work, I would probably be much involved and I don't think it is weird that parents who have the time do throw themselves into school life. I am v grateful to the PTA committee who fund raise for the school and make it a better place for my child. I think your view is a bit off in a way as it sounds judgemental.

Don’t understand that. I like having a complete separation from school and home life. So glad we don’t live right in the vicinity of the school. Have no issues with my child having friends over but enjoying family time is a priority. I might consider one parent person a friend who I met through school - same class as my child is in, but they have their own lives and we have ours. Have been out to lunches a few times as families but respect that we don’t know each other that long or well and enjoy seeing them as and when but they or us don’t live our lives around each other. I am polite and have small talk with various parents either before school or while waiting at the gate but that’s as far as it goes apart from seeing them at parties my child may attend. My opinion - I think some people need to be in the school to keep an eye on their own child/ren perhaps for the child, knowing parent is nearby will help the child behave? Feel more happy being there? Of course there must be those who just want to work in that type of environment. Then there are those who find that an easy way to socialise and make new friends and be a part of a community? I don’t mind volunteering on class days out if they need helpers but I’ve always done it to help out not to keep an eye on my child who does not mind whether I come along or not or I. The hope that my child’s teacher thinks what a nice lady I am. I feel you should do things because you want to not because there’s some ulterior motive behind being helpful.

My children were all educated in International Schools with me as a teacher in the school, then their Head of Primary and then Principal - never their class teacher. International schools provide a real community and lots of parents do become very involved. This is even more noticable when schools like these provide so many extra-curricular opportunities outside of classroom hours.

I think there are more of these parents at independent schools as they have the time and means to spend more time involved in the school.

I can't see a negative anywhere and you sound like you need to make some friends OP. Being a bitter outsider is never an attractive quality.

Anyone else seen Bad Moms???!!!
I'm v wary of the whole PTA thing.....there are women at my children's school who are all over it and never cease nagging you to join. I work. I can't.
One woman is so overly invested she doesn't have time to work as how else would she find the time to attend school trips, attend PTA meetings, attend school governor meetings etc etc
It's become quite obvious, as a pp, said that she's a nosey cow who wants to get in with all the teachers and find out classified info on parents and other pupils. She also knows "all the codes/passwords" and likes everyone to know this!
Needless to say at least one of her kids wins the weekly award every week...

There are always posters on here who get angry when people have friends. This is just the latest format.

Friend groups are always cliques, gossips, Wendies, whatever.

Why are some people so emphatic about not having other parents as friends? Because they want people to think that they have super interesting special social lives with super interesting people and they don’t need the “mundanes”?

I've always found it a bit odd if I'm honest Op.

what I find odd is the constant need to bitch about other people. Don't you feel included OP, and you are a bit jealous?
Some people just .. make friends. Through work, through hobbies, some neighbours, other school parents. What is it to you? Some mums (mainly) become TA. Don't you think the school hours have something to do it? You know, just a thought.

What I find unnecessarily bitchy is the negative against the PTA. Current members are people, bad or good, but pretty sure everybody is welcome to join and HELP. I get it's easier to smugly criticise whilst doing nothing. Our schools are ridiculously short of cash, my local PTAs have funded class equipment, sport equipment, trips etc. Most PTA members have jobs on the side.

Parents complaining about drama and cliques are the ones at the center of said drama, the rest just get on with it.

Yy Riding
I probably look ‘cliquey’ to others but I’m actually just chatting to people I know neighbours, people I went to school with, parents of dc that I’ve known since kids went preschool together, Pta etc I’m just chatting they aren’t my only social circle but while I’m stood at the school gates I’ll pass the time of day with people. But that said I’ll chat to anyone who is friendly and approachable.

I've no issue with the PTA BUT it does attract a certain type of person.....as another pp said it's the bitchy-ness towards non members and their kids and their motives for joining that I question.

Yy purse so easy to bitch about the PTA but in reality we’re not swanning around gossiping it’s effort. Xmas event we were all there all day setting up, working and I was still there at 6pm hoovering the school but we raised money for school funds which was much needed so we got on with it. We need people to help out where they can and I have asked mums I know if they could spare an hour to help out st summer fete which I know people on here would hate me for asking but Someone helping out for an hour would mean one of the pta gets a break during that day.
Easy to bash but some of us do actually just want to help the school I’ve not come around anything else in my pta.

I'm a qualified teacher and I was a TA prior to that. I am a SAHP atm. I'm currently on the governing body at DC's school and I volunteer as a parent helper as well. I'm a KS2 link so that keeps me away from my own DC - my own DC don't see me in the school. I miss my own job! I love teaching and working with children but it isn't practical for me to work just now so this gives me something helpful to do. I have a small group of friends who are parents at the school (nursery to Y2). They have never asked for specific details and I have never told them anything (I had to sign a code of conduct before joining the governing body anyway).

Fwiw I also have friends from outside school. Uni friends, old work friends, NCT friends etc.

I'm sorry people like me bother you.....

Wishfulmakeupping
But we aren't saying all volunteers or PTA helpers are bitchy!

People are saying there's a type of person who gets heavily involved who does get cliquey and gossipy and expect their child's interest to be put above other children. There's a type of person who likes to swan around letting everyone know they are in some sort of inner school circle with lots of info (or at times just made up speculation).

Acknowledging that people like that do exist isn't taking anything away from the many many wonderful kind volunteers.

What a strange thing to start a thread about. Why on earth are you letting it get to you so much OP? Is there a back story?
FWIW I see absolutely nothing wrong with a Mum getting a job as a TA and/or getting involved in the life of the school as much or as little as the school will allow. Parents can make or break things like productions / trips etc. What's it to you?

People are saying there's a type of person who gets heavily involved who does get cliquey and gossipy

the exact same type who doesn't get involved but does get cliquey and gossipy about the ones who do get involved ( ahem .. not looking at the OP here )

Ime, there are odd, bitchy, over-invested women in all walks of life. They do not confine themselves to the PTA or school jobs... And no, not all women who work in their children's school are completely engrossed with it to the extent they have no friends outside and suffocate their own children! That said, I would rather not work in my own children's school unless the job was extremely appealing and unavailable in another nearby school.

As schools can be very cautious about whom they employ and like applicants to have prior experience of working in schools with children, a lot of people do start out volunteering at their own children's school and some then move on to paid employment there. If they do well as a volunteer at their child's school, it is not surprising if they then get work there if they apply, because they have become a known and trusted entity. Likewise, if they don't go down well, it's not surprising if they don't get a job in any school. Working in your own child's school makes school runs easier, of course, which could otherwise be an issue if you start work at the same time in a completely different school, so I suspect a lot of parents do it for convenience, not for suffocation purposes...