Do you think it’s a bit odd when some people completely engross themselves with their child school, to the extent that

[LardLizard]

They even get jobs there, and all there social interactions and friends become people they know through the school other parent friends

And all they post or say they’ve been upto
Is doing things with school friends

I tend to think surely you’ve hit some other friends and also think I wouldn’t have liked that as child, there just no breathing space

Hen plus if there’s every any problems or fallouts it’s like it the end of the world to them

I probably look like one of your mums.
All my friends have kids at the school.

But actually I would say they are friends from church and toddler group and the fact we have all ended up at the same school is not coincidence, but it's not the source of our friendship.

We talk about school a lot, but not inappropriately I hope. And those involved in the PTA often fall back on us, as friends, to help, when constant appeals to others have failed.

I have many many non-school friends, but they all live at a distance and I don't see them regularly. So you wouldn't see me with them.

If a job came up at the school in my field, (I'm not a teacher or TA and have no desire to be one) I would jump at the chance.

1. Because I know what the school is like. 2. Because I care about the school and the kids in it.

I teach at my children's school, albeit they're in infants and primary and I'm secondary, and it's a big school. DH is set up as the first contact for both of them and therefore receives all the school emails and replies to things, signs authorisations for trips, and sends notification if one of them is sick / has to leave early for an appointment. He also does parents' evening.

My "mom" friends are from the kids' nurseries they attended before coming to the school; DD's old nursery is opposite where we live and many of the children she attended with are our immediate neighbours.

I rarely meet the parents of DS and DD's classmates as I'm never there for drop off or pick up and am always working during plays, assemblies, concerts, sports' days, trips, open afternoons. Whilst I'd love to attend those things for my kids' sake a small part of me is grateful that I don't have classmates' parents trying to get the inside scoop on school matters, as they do to more high profile members of staff with kids at the school (or staff who teach in EYFS, infants or primary). I don't even have the inside scoop!

OP I think you have a point. I have just left a school where on the arrival of the head, the lines between parents and staff became very blurred. Lots of socialising between staff and parents- all fine until things went wrong!

"The school is their child’s educators, their Work place, their entire social life"

How do you know?

When DD started at primary school in the village that we had moved to a year before I didn't know anyone. Meeting other parents at the school was a great opportunity to meet new people.

I guess that you have always lived in the place you grew up in and have kept local school friends and family. Not everyone is in that position.

I like to support the educational facility my daughter is at so I joined the PTA at primary school, and became a parent governor at her secondary school.

I had no interaction with DD at either school, and was hands off as far as she was concerned. I just wanted to support each school.

Parent helpers who are gossips and can't be trusted get found out long before they get near anything that's worth gossiping about in my experience. Schools and teachers tend to know quite quickly who they can trust and who they can't.

Good, trustworthy, parent helpers are worth their weight in gold in a school, and as more things are cutback they become even more so.

DS's school doesn't allow parent helpers to help in their own child's class, which is a policy I like. It weeds out the parents who want to help the school with reading or whatever and the ones who want to have a nosy in their kid's class.

Oh our school is just like that. Mums apply as TA, get the job and that's it, they sort of move into the school . Others run after school clubs. Maybe it's good on them but i'd found it suffocating for me and my dc. I'm glad I have a corporate job! Keeps me and my dc level headed. I'd be bored to tears working at a school.
MotherofDinosaurs how rude, stay of the .

Every kid I went to school with who had a parent working there or overly volunteering for everything, absolutely loathed it.

It just seems like another way of making their kids their absolute everything (No pressure kids) and suffocating them rather than letting them gain confidence and independence without hovering.

Parent helpers who are gossips and can't be trusted get found out long before they get near anything that's worth gossiping about in my experience. Schools and teachers tend to know quite quickly who they can trust and who they can't.
I agree.
It doesn't stop gossips and drama llamas concocting their own silly theories and rumours.

I don't see what the problem is. People care about their child's school so they volunteer to help out at it. They like the school, that is why they chose it, and so if a job comes up there that suits them it will be incredibly convenient to work there.

As far as Facebook groups and 'cliques' are concerned, I have plenty of friends from uni, school, work etc but they all live all over the country and have kids so it's pretty hard to manage to see each other much.

The mums I know from my kids' school are the ones I spend more time with day to day because they are there and because our kids get on. Therefore they are the people I turn to if I want a coffee and chat after school run, or want to ask a favour where someone can pick up my child for me, on the basis I can return the favour another time. Some of them may become lasting friends, some won't. Isn't that the same as any group of acquaintances?

By the way I believe a clique is just a group of friends which you are not part of. We as a group are not trying to leave anyone out or be exclusive in any way. We are just hanging out with the people who are there who want to chat.

I find the WhatsApp group extremely useful as it means I don't forget the endless dress up/ down days! It is used for socialising too but I wouldn't say anyone is overly invested in it.

Parent helpers are great IMO. I wish I could do more but it's too difficult with work and looking after a baby on days off.

bonbon
The difference between a clique and a friendship group is how open they are to others and how bitchy they are.

School mum friends who volunteer are no problem at all.
Cliques who like to gossip and discus school and children etc aren't terribly nice.

It’s incredibly bitchy to state that parents who make friends with other parents from the school must not have any other friends.

The reality is that being a sahm with school aged children can be very isolating, and If a parent has e.g. given up work to bring up the kids it’s something which starts at the baby group stage when they hang out with their little kids who then move on to go to school and if the parent doesn’t go back to work for whatever reason then where do they go from there? And the friendships they have pre children change because those who don’t have kids have less in common than those who do...

The downside to this though is that those parents who become involved in the school at primary level, whose friends are the school gate mums generally find that by the time the children start becoming more independent and going to/from school on their own those friendships suddenly changed because most of them are based on having similar-aged children in common, and suddenly they find themselves alone and in a position where they haven’t worked outside of a child-centred environment for years and years and find it more difficult to go back.

There are absolutely valid reasons to be involved with the school, and even to work there if you are needing to be home for the kids etc. But sometimes the long-term implications of that don’t become apparent until the kids get a bit older, by which time it’s to late. Iyswim.

I don't really worry too much about what other mums do tbh. There are some who hang around together and chat, they might gossip, I don't know as I tend to mind my own business and chat to the mums of my DDs' friends.

I think some people are far too invested in other people's lives personally, life is too short IMO.

Well it wouldn't be for me. I hated the school gate mafia and the weird cliques, so YANBU to not want to join in. And as you say, if you fall out with someone, your life will be made a misery.

However if others want to do it, that's up to them.

Flexible (school hours, term time) jobs - including low paid or voluntary - are hard to find. Unsurprising people take opportunities in schools known to them.

And of course it’s “usually the women”: the vast majority of SAHMs and people working in primary schools are women.

I see where the op is coming from. I feel sorry for the kids as they don't get space from Mum. Esp on trips. I have never volunteered because I don't think it's healthy invading your child's space. Perhaps some people, are lonely though and see it as a way to make friends but it wasn't my cup of tea ☕️

I have friends from my high school (mostly scattered across the country now), friends from my first real job (18-22) and now friends through my children. However I see these schoolmum ladies more WITHOUT the children for coffee on days off or some evenings a month in the local winebar, than I do with the DC. I would consider them my friends and not just "suchabodies mum". and we barely talk about the DC oddly, its more our useless DHs and annoying DMs

I'm in a friendship group whose children all attended our small local school and several of the parents were teachers and TAs at that school. Our children were together at school and in the holidays and some of the group worked and socialised a lot together. It wasn't by design. It was just that we lived close together and got on well.

I can't remember there ever being a suggestion that any of us was over-invested or in our children in any way. The friendships didn't end when our children moved on to the next school.

Yes why would I possibly want a job at my daughter secondary school. With its lovely term time hours, decent pay and something I love

Thankfully I'm a technician though

LardLizard - THIS is my village - do you live up north?

I bowed out of 'village life' To put it bluntly, I, not being native to the village and with thoughts and opinions of my own, does not fit in with the 'natives'.

I left the FB village group that had 1000+people as members (the admin is a dictator - if your opinions don't fit with hers, then you're screwed - she made it public where we live, made derogatory remarks and made us out to be 'traitors' - over a planning issue that we had no issue with!)
I try to get to school for drop off and pick up as late as possible. It's like the Lion's Den - full of mums - who were born and bred and stick to each other's hips whilst they gossip - some loudly - stand and stare at anyone who doesn't fit in - like me
I don't speak unless spoken to. I say my polite 'hello' on passing but I now try not to engage with anyone during the school run.
I did want to volunteer at the school on my days off - NOT my DS's class, but chose not to because the 'Tiger Mums' also volunteer or are dinner ladies and I know I wouldn't fit in (plus I would be forced to be nice to those who deleted me on FB after they spent 8 months of ignoring me).

Life is beautiful again. My anxiety levels are at an all time low, I am calmer, no stress, busying myself with other things and am pleased I am not subjected to listening to idle and hostile gossip in the playground - although I am currently the subject of everyone else's conversation because, as life has it in my village, my existence provided them with the necessary entertainment to fill that void in their pitiful, narrow-minded little lives.

To them, I am weird. I will happily take that! Better to be unique than follow the sheep!

'Mother helpers' at primary school get on my nerves. DC had 3 at one point. All mothers of boys in class.
Just let your child go to school. On their own.

I always find that they're a SAHP usually bored out of their mind, so it really helps them. Then you have the people who are on the council or whatever it's called, governors or some kind of important board. They relish from what I've seen telling people what to do. You get the odd Parent who is fab at organising, but you get the odd parent who 'thinks' they're good at something they're not.

An example being every class to have an iPad, from what youngest says, it's a treat if they do well to be allowed to play a game. There's so much more the school needs. The next thing was something truly bizarre that would have never worked. They wanted parents to help raise £10k.

I think this is a bit mean to be honest. If it’s not for you, no problem. But I didn’t know anyone when I moved to my current town and I’ve met some lovely people. It also provides an amazing support network - if I have a sick child, then I’ve got lots of people who would take the other to school for me etc. On inset days we take it in turns to look after a group of them. It makes my life so much easier and I enjoy feeling part of a community.

Lots of people are sniffy about PTA type things. Again, it’s not for all but my kids (and their kids) benefit massively from the extra resources it provides for the school.