Do you think it’s a bit odd when some people completely engross themselves with their child school, to the extent that

[LardLizard]

They even get jobs there, and all there social interactions and friends become people they know through the school other parent friends

And all they post or say they’ve been upto
Is doing things with school friends

I tend to think surely you’ve hit some other friends and also think I wouldn’t have liked that as child, there just no breathing space

Hen plus if there’s every any problems or fallouts it’s like it the end of the world to them

It doesn't stop gossips and drama llamas concocting their own silly theories and rumours.

I find some of the best (worst?) theories and rumours come from people who've never set foot in the school to help out. We have a cracking one that's started a rumour about me (PTA Chair) and how 'friendly' I am with a young male that is working in DS's old primary school. Apparently whispers he's even been seen leaving my house early in the morning... I daresay "He's DH's nephew" will burst the bubble a little!

Sometimes other people need to be careful of is getting what they wish for. I had a few parents complain relentlessly at DS's old school. apparently I had my fingers in too many pies and needed to 'get a life'. DS moved a year ago and the same parents are now complaining because no-one organised the spring fair, no-one organised Easter Eggs for the assembly and no-one has put in any funding applications for after school or holiday clubs/activities (or tried to organise any). If you don't want to do it that's fine, but don't bitch relentlessly about the people that are doing it and then be surprised when they bail out.

The other thing of course is that it’s all very well being snotty about school mum helpers but without them your kids wouldn’t be going on school trips or doing swimming or being heard reading more than once a fortnight or being supervised at lunchtime. Because no other fucker volunteers. So all you superior corporate big wigs can wind your necks in. But then I guess you can pay for private anyway...

So all you superior corporate big wigs can wind your necks in.
What?!

Nobody has an issue with parent volunteers who are lovely and frriendly and not bitchy gossips.

The OP is discussing people in gossipy little cliques who seem to love feeling like they're into other people's business.

You sound a bit nuts. And way too invested in what other people are up too. And a bit bitter. Are you one those people who thinks there is a school gate clique that you're not in?

No she doesn't sound nuts at all. You on the other hand...

Yeh lots of dumb women around here overly engaged in school life, being competitive and gossipy, bragging about this and that. Take what you want from it and stay well clear of the negativity.

I hope I’m not being sterotyped as bitchy or dumb just for getting involved and helping out at the school- what nasty connotations and assumptions some of you are making :( this is a really sad thread I hope it doesn’t stop people helping out their dc school- we are crying out for people to spare an hour here or there it makes such a difference.

Yanbu at all!
One cause of us moving my DCs was the behaviour of the head of the PTA at our last school. She was so involved she acted like she was an actual teacher. She even had keys and an electronic pass to walk round school as and when she liked (which I found out later she had borrowed and never given back). She was a nightmare who when called out on her terrible bullying attitude, took it out on my daughter and made our lives hell. She even knew passwords to the school record system on the computer and would openly admit this out the earshot of staff. So much so whilst on her personal campaign against my family she said she had read our record and people shouldn't let their children to our house as there was "something in my past". It got so bad a parent reported some utter rubbish to my scouting leader. Luckily it was seen as coming from malicious means (I had an inhanced DBS check which was clean as a whistle).
The second biggest reason I love their new school is no bloody PTA, Facebook and WhatsApp group and peace!

I work in the school my eldest will attend from September. I went there too, years ago. I’m not weird, I have two DC with additional needs and can’t find any other job that’s close enough to do school runs and the right hours...

Yes I do. Obviously unless there is SEN I have never understood why so many parents fanny around. I just about seen the inside of bloody school.

We had a mum go through training and getting a job at her daughter's school as a TA, and was mortified to find out she wouldn't actually be allowed to be a TA in her daughter's class. She couldn't see the potential conflict of interest and resigned.

I completely agree with you, LardLizzard. I remember my friend at school constantly looking over her shoulder that her mum wasn't around/watching her. It's so intrusive.

If I wanted to work in a school, it wouldn't be my children's as I want them to feel that they have privacy, not a mum that cramps their style.

Obviously some posters here do spend a lot of time in their children's school, that's their choice. It wouldn't be mine.

We had a mum go through training and getting a job at her daughter's school as a TA, and was mortified to find out she wouldn't actually be allowed to be a TA in her daughter's class. She couldn't see the potential conflict of interest and resigned.

I find it so bizarre when people go through training, or even after having it explained, don't get that.

It happened all the time in schools when I worked in them. And now with the playscheme I run parents get really pissed off when they aren't with their child's group on trips and just don't get why it's not a good idea!

I agree that some people get too over involved and it's not good for their kids. When I started secondary school I made friends with a nice, fairly confident girl who had no problems at all. Within the year her mum had got a job as some kind of ta at the school and by the end of the 5 years she was a shell of the girl she'd started out as. She had to go to and from school with her mum, if her mum went on any of our trips (which she always seemed to) she had to stay with her mum, not go off with the rest of us. If her mum wasn't going on the trip she wasn't allowed to go. She wasn't allowed to socialise with us outside school and the one time she was, on a friend's 15th birthday in a family friendly restaurant, her brother was sent in to get her as we'd taken too long (a normal amount of time and the dad had promised lifts to everyone) and when she got outside her mother marched off down the street refusing to talk to her with her rushing to catch up.

I've moved away since but we're FB friends and I know people in the area and for a long time - I'm talking years - she was never seen out and about without her mum. She does have a job now but it took quite a long time, she still lives with her mum and, as far as I know, has never had a relationship. We're mid 30s now. I honestly think her mother ruined her life coming to work at our school.

However, I help out with the PTA type group at my kids' school, mostly because I have some free time, and I have met some lovely mums doing it. I would never swan around the school as if I owned the place though. I always call all teachers by their title and surname. I've got a baby now so haven't helped on trips for a while but when I did I would never ask for my own child in my group, would always make my child sit next to their partner and not with me on the coach etc. Once I was meant to be helping with my child's class on a trip and another mum from the same class was asked to help with the parallel class. She requested to stay with 'our' class as her son 'would be so upset.' So I was moved, which was fine by me and I wouldn't dream to ask otherwise. The kids were 9ish at the time too, not 4!

I help out because it suits me, I've met some nice mums and I've got time to do it. It's not my whole life by any means and the majority of time my own kids don't even know I'm in the school.

Wishfulmakeupping
Nobody is having a pop at nice people who get involved.
People do have issues when people get so involved and invested that they stir and bitch about others and exclude others.

You must be about the 6th person to have taken the view 'why are people being horrible about anyone who helps out'. That's not what thr OP is talking about.

The bottom line is there are people like the OP is discussing. Acknowledging their existence (and the fact thry can be a PITA) does not make a negative judgement on perfectly nice people who happen to help.

The bottom line is there are people like the OP is discussing. Acknowledging their existence (and the fact thry can be a PITA) does not make a negative judgement on perfectly nice people who happen to help.

You're quite right, @MaisyPops I've thankfully never been too bothered about people like that, although I know there are some at our DDs' school. I just take my DDs to school and pick them up and chat to the mums I'm friendly with, or my DDs' friends' mums. That makes life much more straightforward. I have my own friends thankfully and life's too short.

But there's no need to be defensive and pretend that such cliques don't happen, of course they do!

I find it odd when people do this. They are usually people who can’t find friends any other way. Their whole 40th birthday parties for example are populated by school mum friends - how can you get to that age and only have friends you’ve met through your kids school to invite to a landmark birthday ? There were a couple of mums at my daughters school that I liked but other mums were constantly doing lunches/mini breaks like they’d never had a girlfriend in their life and were so over invested in school life ...

I moved to a new country last year and assumed I'd be able to meet people by helping out at our DC's schools. The old school they were at actively engaged with parents and provided a lot of fundraising via socials outside school hours, allowed for volunteering that was strictly regulated and generally made use of parents as resources rather than treating them as a nuisance while keeping their involvement in the school to some clearly defined areas. The new schools do none of this - my DCs disappear in the morning and reappear at the end of the day and there is no chance to be involved or even talk to other parents. I am not a SAHM but I work from home, my husband works away, and I have found it impossible to make friends here - so much so that we are moving again. The loneliness is like nothing I have ever experienced before. There are many days when I don't speak to another adult unless they are selling me something.

You don't know why people want to be involved in schools, or what they have to offer that you might not, OP. You don't need to get involved with anyone's drama (and I find drama llamas create opportunities for Facebook drama whether there's a school around or not). There's something mean-spirited about this thread and it makes me wonder if those of you who are so critical of others volunteer your time anywhere, for any purpose.

Mingmoo, I suppose we're all using our own points of reference and experience and they're not the same for each poster.

Those of us who've had bad experiences of gossipy, manipulative mothers (because it's nearly always women) who pull out all the stops to penetrate schools to find out sensitive information, push their own children forward and use information they find out against other parents/children, will not be so kindly disposed.

If we've come across the vast majority of helpers and volunteers who really have the job at heart and want to do it to the best of their abilities - and do not use their positions within the school to the detriment of other people - then we hold them in high regard as we should.

You've got no idea of other people's circumstances so it's really difficult to make a determination of whether a poster is being mean-spirited or just honestly giving an account of their own experience.

I think that for safeguarding purposes, no parent should be allowed into their own child(ren)'s class. If they truly are being altruistic, they will be happy to help in any capacity.

Lizzie48
Exactly.

One of my friends at a different school (very leafy suburbia but a bit NIMBY curtain twitchers area) ran an optional enrichment residential. There were X number of places. If it was oversubscribed then names out of a hat.
It was oversubscribed so names came out of hats.

Mrs Interfering PTA woman called and complained and made herself the voice of other disgruntled parents who felt it was most unfair that THEIR children were unable to participate (even citing SEND needs/reasons why other children in the year were less deserving of a place). Then said that should the member of staff require funding for additional staff (all staff were doing this over a weekend voluntarily by the way!) then a request to the PTA for funds to enable other children their children to attend the residential would be 'looked upon favourably'.
My friend said it wouldn't be required. That's the trip logistics but if she ever required funds to widen participation again she would request some for our more disadvantaged students.
Mrs BusyBody & her clique were not impressed.

When she told me I was stunned. For a group of women who claimed to be do-gooders they were very quick to bitch about families and children they felt were less deserving. Thankfully they were well known bitches among the staff and other parents too.

Yes! Like the PTA ladies 🙄 They are a whole other breed!

Lying there have been loads of mean-spirited comments in this thread about people not having any other friends, for example, or only do things with other school mums. I don't think it's that remarkable. I lived in London for a long time and my friends were all over the world but I saw the school parents every day.

I think a lot of people don't have time or don't want to volunteer at school and instead of just letting other parents do it if they want, they have to convince themselves and others it's a poor choice that's actively harmful to their poor DCs, or a sign of sinister intentions, or social inadequacy, which is obviously bollocks in 99.9% of cases.

I so agree with you OP! I think it is odd.

There is dropping your child off, there is helping on the PTA, there is classroom help but wow, some parents take to another level 😂

We had one who used to stand in the playground taking notes (not UK), and one current PTA parent is feared by parents and staff alike. She starts lots of fundraisers (great) but because she is so deeply unpleasant, no one wants to get involved. During an extremely busy event a small crisis unfolded and the deputy head turned to me and said, "I can't work with her".

Then there are the parents who volunteer to coach. Some are amazing, making a huge and positive difference. But some seem to be motivated by a desire to live out their own ambitions and are very toxic.

Then there are the parents-turned-TA. They are not all the same! Some are highly professional. But I have heard one repeatedly breach confidentiality by talking about the children's personal circumstances, telling children who their next teacher will be before the school does etc. I have lost all respect for her.

I can't understand the hostility to volunteers. It's this mean spirited mocking of "do gooders" that is such an unpleasant British characteristic.

@MaisyPops- starting to wonder if the woman you mean is the same as the woman at our old school. All funds seemed to be spent for the benefit of her 3 DCs rather than everyone. Her DD was in the choir so suddenly choir had to have PTA sponsored outfits, wireless microphones and a fancy lighting rig. She showed no interest prior to her DDs involvement and a nice after school fun activity became a nightmare of competitions, and the mad woman's daughter having to be front and centre with solos. It was worse for her DD though, poor kid was so shy.
Same with the football club when her DS joined.
I know she winged recently about an oversubbed school trip. Wouldn't be at all shocked if it was her.