Dh’s Bankhol

[Wallabaloo]

Dh and I both work, me part time he ft, we have kids 10 and 8.
This bankhol he has been to play sports on Friday 8am to 3pm, today 8am to 1pm, and will be on Monday midday to 6pm. He is going out with his mother to the theatre this evening, leaving the house at 5pm and back at midnight. On Sunday he’s planning to go to church in the morning then spend the rest of the day eating a massive roast lamb and drinking red wine with his mum.
I know it’s fine to have other interests from one another, but I basically hate all the things he’s doing – except for church. There is just an assumption that I will look after the children whenever he’s not around. I feel like crying right now.
AIBU to think this is ridiculous weekend?
I have told him I’m not happy, and all he says is that you knew I was doing all this and you agreed (I don’t remember being told) and also that we are going on holiday next week for 10 days. Holidays all chosen by him, and he is skiing. He is teaching the children to ski. I can’t ski. I’m not learning. I might to do a bit of yoga while they are all off.

Wow no I am genuinely not. Please let us get back to the OP.

. Oh I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. You and your children are worth so much more than this life. Please get you and your children safe. If he’s away from the three of you, and activity outside the home is great. Please don’t bother to try to get through to his mother. She’s a bitch. She made him. She knows exactly what he’s like even though she will deny it with her dying breath.

Your self esteem are not going to improve while you are with him. You need to leave, then your self esteem will grow in leaps and bounds!

Are you okay OP?

Yes I am ok I just rang 101 to talk about the throat grabbing and I’ve found a local solicitor to call next week.
It was 6 years ago when I was pregnant and his violence escalated. I promised myself then I’d leave when I got stronger - maybe now is the time.

Keep going it's a step at a time. x

That’s two very big steps in one evening , OP. You are doing really well.

Preprare to feel a bit wobbly now, you might wake up tomorrow morning wondering what you have done. This is quite normal, one day you will feel brave and full of resolve and the next you will be full of fear and worry.

Just keep going and make a plan. Don’t mention a word to your DH or anyone who might tell him. Act totally normal.

Wallabaloo. Good luck, you're doing the right thing for you and DC.

Note what Morven says, it's true, it all becomes a bit of a roller coaster, especially when they try to reel you back in. As she says, act normally, keep everything under wraps.

That's amazing. We're all here for you when you have a wobble.Getting out of the holiday will give you head space, so - like I said - please don't go.
Until then 'tits and teeth' - he must have no inkling of this.

Financially is where I anticipate wobbles. Lots to think about but I think it’s time

It'll be tough at first but you actually don't have any other option.

NFI to theatre - his mum booked it and they think I won’t like it (I wouldn’t)

How many people are there in this marriage?

Can you start squirreling away a secret escape fund?

In the meantime, I know you want whole family days but do the three of you go for days out/activities when DH leaves you behind? You say he is a high earner so, presumably, funding this isn't an issue (unless he is comtrolling with money)

I think I remember this from before.

You are both church goers, can you get any support through your church?

You and your dc are worth so much more than this, and deserve far, far better.

Call Women's Aid, start making an exit plan with them.

Try to avoid the holiday.

Are you safe?

Can you feign illness and not go on the holiday? Raging d and v should cover it. You will then have some time to make plans without fear of being discovered. Do you have anyone you can talk to, friend or family? Please look after yourself.

I get it is frightening to think of the financial implications of leaving but really how much money makes it worth it? 2000 pounds to be punched in the face? 10000 to be ko'ed while pregnant? Of course not. Leaving and reclaiming your life is priceless, especially for your children. Their mother is not a punching bag and they don't have to live with walking on eggshells around their violent father or worse, thinking that this is normal. Big hugs to you OP and you're already taking some big positive steps

If financials are you main worry then you need to plan very VERY carefully .

Get copies of all relevant documents. Anything at all to do with money, especially income and assets. His salary, bonus, pension .

Keep copies on the cloud or paper copies at your work or the house of a trusted friend.

Assume his first reaction will be violence and his second to punish you and the children with money.

Cover every single base before you enact your plan. Have somewhere to stay, move out and then tell him.

Do not try to negotiate or discuss. Don’t try to get him to agree that you have a right to leave or to see the error of his ways.

Hi OP - hope you get some time out today while he's having his lamb and wine with mommy dearest.

Glad to hear you're taking action to move on. No advice, just best of luck and keep at it, one step at a time. You can do it!