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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strange Neighbour and what to do.

108 replies

StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 12:33

I dont think I am being unreasonable but want other opinions.
I have owned a property for over 20 years, it used to be my home. It was a nice place when I bought it and for many years later. Some years ago a couple bought a house in the row. They were very nosey people. They would come out a stand around if anyone went into a neighbouring property. If anyone parked in the street or had Road Rescue in the street they would be out. They watch where everyone parks or who goes in or out.
I moved away. Due to circumstances it has taken time to get the house ready for sale or rent. I have noticed that all the watching is going on especially if I am wearing heels which make a clicking noise on the paths.
I have rejected this man's advances not only because I do not like his type but also because I know his wife. He was warned by family members to leave me alone. He has been reported to the Police, none of which seem to have had any effect.
I still have items to remove from the house and work to carry out. I am nervous about going to this property because of this man. I do not think this is right. It should not be allowed. There should also be questions because this man's dubious behaviour is going on in the vicinty of several schools. I am also concerned that if the house goes for rent or sale his obsessive watching would put off prospective occupants.
What can I do to stop this man or alternatively (which I think is wrong) find a way of coping and being less frightened by his conduct?

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 31/03/2018 12:36

Live your life and report him at the first sign of any dodgy behaviour towards you.

People renting might be put off if it is immediately obvious when they view. Then again, they might not notice, they might not care.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 31/03/2018 12:37

Op I have a big dog. I can accompany you to the house.
Ddog is a mean manhater!!
Job done.

ChasedByBees · 31/03/2018 12:37

I think there’s a bit missing here which makes this a little confusing. You say that the couple stand around but also that you’ve rejected his advances? What did he do? I don’t think you can do much about them looking at people and being nosy.

Booboostwo · 31/03/2018 12:59

I âme bit confused...they stand around and watch people, OK annoying but not a big deal, then he came onto you? A number of times? Has he been harassing you? You could get the police involved with that.

What does either have to do with schools? what has he done to school children?

ButchyRestingFace · 31/03/2018 12:59

I moved away. Due to circumstances it has taken time to get the house ready for sale or rent. I have noticed that all the watching is going on especially if I am wearing heels which make a clicking noise on the paths.
I have rejected this man's advances not only because I do not like his type but also because I know his wife. He was warned by family members to leave me alone. He has been reported to the Police, none of which seem to have had any effect.

Is there a missing paragraph here? Confused

LanguidLobster · 31/03/2018 13:01

Butchy I wondered that too

Wide0penSpace · 31/03/2018 13:06

How did he make advances to you and what makes you assume he is a danger to children?

What should not be allowed? Watching the comings and goings of the street or something you haven't mentioned?

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 13:08

I'm also baffled. Please come back and explain OP.

MammaTJ · 31/03/2018 13:10

There has been one hell of a leap made in your OP. Care to explain the missing information?

Sesimbra · 31/03/2018 13:11

I am also confused. I wouldn't even notice if a neighbour was watching everyone's comings and goings. You would have to be watching yourself to notice it wouldn't you? I would just think they were nosey/bored.

Is the man who has been harassing you something to do with the nosey neighbours or is this another neighbour? Your post is a bit muddling to be honest.

If you feel unsafe can you get a friend or family member to accompany you? And obviously call the police if his behaviour is worrying.

What has any of this got to do with local schools? Confused

IAmWonkoTheSane · 31/03/2018 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

category12 · 31/03/2018 13:21

If he was or is harassing you, then go back to the police and also get some legal advice. Get a friend or family to go with you when you go back to the house.

That he'd harass you doesn't make him a threat to schoolchildren.

retirednow · 31/03/2018 13:23

what exactly has he done, looked at people? you are looking at him looking at other people, if you are worried then take someone with you. What do you mean about your shoes.

SparklyMagpie · 31/03/2018 13:29

I'm also confused at his "advances" towards you and then you mentioning the nearby schools Confused

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 13:30

Unless and until she explains, it's the OP who is coming across as the 'strange neighbour'.

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 13:48

I have missed something out. Don't know how that happened.

The time with the Road Rescue I thought was strange. The right person was there to fix a broken car so why did they need to come out when they don't know how to fix a car?

I was ill a while ago. I looked ill and haggard. I had every sign of being ill. I had also some sadness which I was upset about. It was during this time which was also summer that the couple took to offering me a coffee while they were sitting in the garden. I thought it was them being friendly. It was after this that the man made an advance which I instantly rejected. I was sad, my body was very ill and unfit to be seen without being medically qualified and I was suggested at. I was also very aware that he was married I would not have anything to do with a married man. Not that I would see a married man but I am sure that a married neighbour would not be ideal to remain secret.

I think it is rather off the mark to make advances to someone ill and very obviously ill. During sitting in the garden I had said about my health. He knew I was very ill. I see this as perverse to want to involve oneself with someone so ill. I would not want to touch someone so ill. It would be different if it was a DH you had spent years with. I assume that others may not agree with that statement. If he can be interested in ill female what other dubious choices would he make? Maybe a jump but as well to be alert.

I see him looking because when I arrive at he house I look to see if I am noticed. I want to judge whether I can get up the path and into the house without being interrupted. I have to be aware of my surroundings to assess what to do. I have arrived and gone away. I do not live there I am not watching all the time. I am watched if I arrive. I sometimes wear high heel shoes which make a noise on the path. I try to wear other footwear which are silent to try to get to the house unnoticed.

I have taken people with me to the house. Those were the times where he did not come out or even appear at the window after we were seen arriving. He can stand and stare at a woman alone but he can not do the same with two females and he certainly cant do it with 3 females, 3 males and several children some of whom would be of age to be witnesses. Suspicious? Other people have their own lives and should not have to escort me in and out of my house.

I hope this is more clear

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 13:56

InsomniacAnonymous - Did you notice that I said I had lived there for many years? There are also other men living in that street. None have ever made any suggestive remarks to me. Everyone in the terrace got on very well until this man overstepped the mark with me. I do not want to have any personal involvement with him. I was happy being a neighbour to all in the street I am not happy to have a married man make advances to me.

Tell me what is wrong with that!

OP posts:
retirednow · 31/03/2018 13:57

Well no not really, you didn't have to discuss your health problems with them, just take someone with you like you have in the past. If they want to come out and look at someone's car being repaired so what, it's not against the law. Hope you are feeling better, you sound pretty down in the dumps.

anyoldname76 · 31/03/2018 13:57

so he came onto you once and is a bit of a nosy parker , i think you're overreacting and trying to make out hes a pervert that shouldn't be around children Hmm just ignore him and carry on with your life

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 14:02

My comment was obviously because you had left out so much information that your OP made no sense whatsoever.

Pidlan · 31/03/2018 14:02

Huuuuuge overreaction OP. What exactly has he done to make you think he shouldn't be around children? He sounds like a bit of an arsehole, but if all he's doing is coming out to chat to you, all you have to do is say, "no time to chat now" and go.

MammaAgata · 31/03/2018 14:16

What a very weird thread.. strange writing style as well. I’m quite baffled and the further explanation doesn’t actually explain anything really.

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 14:17

I may seem like I have over reacted but that was my house from when I left my previous husband. It was to be my safe place and it was for many years. I had no thoughts of any personal involvements. I thought it was OK to talk to and have coffee with a couple who were neighbours. I don't think I gave any suggestion that I was in any way interested in anyone. I worry that I may have said something wrong and I don't know what that may be. I stopped talking after that in case I was saying wrong things. I don't give either of them the chance to talk to me I rush in and out.
Other people in the area have said that he is weird and her not much better. Many people asked me to go back there to stay but I wont now. It is no longer a safe place for me.
My health is not so bad now and I have plans for the future. I should not have had to deal with a married man with unwelcomed ideas. If it was left at that it would have been over a long time ago but this constant noseying keeps it all alive and current.
Luckily I have options but I feel as if my safe property was ruined. It was a great terrace.

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 31/03/2018 14:19

Illness and emotional distress can play havoc with our outlook and perspective and make people hyper aware of their vulnerability.
I think this man has scared you a bit but going on what you've said here you've made it a bigger problem in your mind than it actually is.
Please don't stoop to comments alluding that he's a danger to children though, that's completely unfair.

LanguidLobster · 31/03/2018 14:27

OP sorry that you have been ill and felt threatened by this man.

It's over in a way now though as you've moved and are looking to rent/sell. Can someone go round with you when you have to visit?