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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strange Neighbour and what to do.

108 replies

StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 12:33

I dont think I am being unreasonable but want other opinions.
I have owned a property for over 20 years, it used to be my home. It was a nice place when I bought it and for many years later. Some years ago a couple bought a house in the row. They were very nosey people. They would come out a stand around if anyone went into a neighbouring property. If anyone parked in the street or had Road Rescue in the street they would be out. They watch where everyone parks or who goes in or out.
I moved away. Due to circumstances it has taken time to get the house ready for sale or rent. I have noticed that all the watching is going on especially if I am wearing heels which make a clicking noise on the paths.
I have rejected this man's advances not only because I do not like his type but also because I know his wife. He was warned by family members to leave me alone. He has been reported to the Police, none of which seem to have had any effect.
I still have items to remove from the house and work to carry out. I am nervous about going to this property because of this man. I do not think this is right. It should not be allowed. There should also be questions because this man's dubious behaviour is going on in the vicinty of several schools. I am also concerned that if the house goes for rent or sale his obsessive watching would put off prospective occupants.
What can I do to stop this man or alternatively (which I think is wrong) find a way of coping and being less frightened by his conduct?

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 16:29

A pp mentioned a threesome. This was a thought as I did wonder if the wofe was in on this or if she wanted me to be her h sexual partner to relieve her of the bother.
The police said that since there was only me snd him present at the time it was one word against the other. Not encouraging but thatcis what was said

OP posts:
Sesimbra · 31/03/2018 16:34

OP what did he say/do that has upset you so much?

How come you know so much about their family and the comings and goings?

feathermucker · 31/03/2018 16:38

What did he actually say/do? And how is he a danger to children?

I appreciate it's a difficult situation for you, but it's quite hard to understand the circumstances.

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 16:46

He grabbed me and touched me. I kicked his ankle. I said I would tell x his wife. He said she wont bother. I said I am telling y a large male relative of mine. He said dont he will make a right mess of me.
Both families are lnown to the other family as we have lived in the terrace for years. He had 2 adult children at his home I also had child later adult at my home also adults away ftom home with partners. People confirm they find the couple weird and state their family do not visit.
I see this man as being weird in his noseyness and in his sexual choices both of which are not appropriate

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 31/03/2018 16:47

You seem to be very sensitive and possibly making more of this than there actually was. Did he make an overt suggestion to you or was he just a bit creepy? What do you think he might do if you arrive at you house? Just walk in confidently, do what you need to do and leave. Don't look for him and don't think about him. Just go about your business.

DaisyDrip · 31/03/2018 16:48

This is a wind up surely. No one gets this upset because a man chats her up. Sorry OP, there is either much, much more to this or we are all being taken for mugs.

OP you have accused this man of being unsafe around children yet you have been asked time and time again why and have refused to answer the question. I don't want to believe this but I think you're getting some strange kick out of winding us up.

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 16:52

He grabbed you and touched you where? On your arm? On your hand?

WunWegWunDarWun · 31/03/2018 16:55

That isn't making advances, it's sexual adult and threatening behaviour.

If you'd just said that from the start it would have made sense.

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 16:56

I have given an answer to why I think he is unsafe to have around. I dont think anyone is safe around him. Look at what is said. I was obviously very ill to the eye. His wife is more ill than me now. His adults who have children do not visit. He is a watcher and picks on vulnerable times in lives. This is not the conduct I have seen from my male relatives. It is wise to be alert esoecially with a person known to be off normal track. Does anyone have such male relatives? I dont. He is doing decent men down

OP posts:
InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 16:58

Do you mean it was a full-on sexual assault, hence you calling the police? Sorry for all the questions. I feel as though I'm bombarding you with them, but I'm just trying very hard to understand.

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 16:58

He touched me in a sexual manner. Upper front body

OP posts:
WunWegWunDarWun · 31/03/2018 16:59

The thread has gone this way with people not understanding because all you said was that he came on to you, which could mean he just asked you for a drink. You didn't actually say anything about what he was like until two posts ago.

ADishBestEatenCold · 31/03/2018 17:00

"He grabbed me and touched me."

Can you tell us what he did? Obviously no one should do this, but there is a huge difference between, for example, someone reaching to your shoulder then touching your hand, to get your attention and perhaps causing you to pause to listen to them, or, grasping you round the waist and trying to touch your breast. I'm guessing, from your reactions, that it was more towards the latter example? An assault, even?

"He has been reported to the Police, none of which seem to have had any effect."

Did you report him to the police for grabbing you and touching you, OP?

What did the police do?

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 17:02

Is English your first language OP?

ADishBestEatenCold · 31/03/2018 17:02

Cross post. I see you have said that he touched your upper front body, your breast presumably.

"He touched me in a sexual manner. Upper front body"

What did the police do?

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 17:06

The police said it is my word against his.
It was the last suggestion from Adish.am a quiet shy person. I find this difficult even with all the ladies here which is perhaps why I am so upset on many points
I try to keep myself to myself. I try to walk with confidence. I do not wish to have my shoes dictated by anyone else but I have to chose quiet ones to try to get in and out quietly.
It is a horror story to me and caused such upset

OP posts:
retirednow · 31/03/2018 17:07

I am getting a bit lost by all this, it's all very coy and not actually revealing much. If you're scared of him report him to social services or the police. You're all talking about him, but not actually doing anything about your concerns.

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 17:07

Not English. Please try to understand my words. I struggle sometimes

OP posts:
feathermucker · 31/03/2018 17:11

Did you make a police report at the time OP? How long ago was it?

retirednow · 31/03/2018 17:11

We are trying to understand but what do you want us to do. If he scares you then tell someone and don't go to the house until you can have a friend or relative with you. How old are you. Maybe you could speak to your doctor about how upset this has made you.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 31/03/2018 17:17

I feel for you OP

You had to leave your home because of a pervert and it sounds like he threatened you as well

I think your explanation has been too long for most people to read but I'm thinking if they'd got the gist, they'd be sympathetic

I hope you get well soon and have a happy time in your new home

DaisyDrip · 31/03/2018 17:18

Ok, so he touched you. Can I be rude and ask, do you come from a culture where men and women don't usually mix? Don't answer if it makes you uncomfortable but that would make this whole situation an awful lot easier to understand.

Haffiana · 31/03/2018 17:22

OP, do you have friends or family to talk to? Something is very amiss with you at the moment, and you need to talk to someone.

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 17:23

I know my English is poor so saying thank you to all who have read this.
This is not a good man and best avoided.

I am worried this is life for the single wonan. I do not like to think more men would touch me without it being my wish.
Ladies here are quite firm that even husbands must not touch if not agreed. I thought you would be more angry with neighbour who touched without agreeing. Surely it is not right to touch in these situations.
I am a bit worried about men now. This was a married man with wife only left the room for a minute. It is not what I want but neither do I want to see all men like this one

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 17:25

Men and women here do mix but a man touching a woman who is not his wife or who choses not to be touched would be a bad person. I was grabbed that is not what to do as a man

OP posts:
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