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AIBU?

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Original poster

Strange Neighbour and what to do.

108 replies

StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 12:33

I dont think I am being unreasonable but want other opinions.
I have owned a property for over 20 years, it used to be my home. It was a nice place when I bought it and for many years later. Some years ago a couple bought a house in the row. They were very nosey people. They would come out a stand around if anyone went into a neighbouring property. If anyone parked in the street or had Road Rescue in the street they would be out. They watch where everyone parks or who goes in or out.
I moved away. Due to circumstances it has taken time to get the house ready for sale or rent. I have noticed that all the watching is going on especially if I am wearing heels which make a clicking noise on the paths.
I have rejected this man's advances not only because I do not like his type but also because I know his wife. He was warned by family members to leave me alone. He has been reported to the Police, none of which seem to have had any effect.
I still have items to remove from the house and work to carry out. I am nervous about going to this property because of this man. I do not think this is right. It should not be allowed. There should also be questions because this man's dubious behaviour is going on in the vicinty of several schools. I am also concerned that if the house goes for rent or sale his obsessive watching would put off prospective occupants.
What can I do to stop this man or alternatively (which I think is wrong) find a way of coping and being less frightened by his conduct?

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 14:45

I am going there this weekend. There is no-one who can come with me as they are all at work. I have recovered a lot with my health still more ops to go but better.
This man scared me. He made me feel outraged for myself and his wife with his conduct. The wife and I were attending the same hospital at times. My illness was more obvious then, she is worse looking now. He is a bit weird and strange. I don't find it a nice feeling that I am being watched. I would have expected an element of trust in a neighbour but that was smashed completely.
I have options and a new life opening for me. I loved that house until its peace and safety aspect was ruined by a man who could not keep his mind off what he can never have. I also feel bad that the wife is extremely ill, so much so that she has not been seen for some weeks and all she has is a man/husband with roving thoughts. I have been told that their family no longer visit and I wonder why given my experiences.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 31/03/2018 14:49

Just ignore him and do what you need to do. I do think you are over reacting as nothing has happened that has put your safety at risk, he was in appropriate but best to keep it in perspective.

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 14:52

What is it that has made you feel that he is a danger to children (you said "There should also be questions because this man's dubious behaviour is going on in the vicinty of several schools.")?

TheJoyOfSox · 31/03/2018 15:07

I still think we are missing something, what has a dodgy neighbour who gives you the creeps got to do with “ vicinity of several schools” ?

Just go about your business at your old house, if needs must, say hello and leave it at that. It doesn’t sound like this guy is a real threat, I think your imagination is running away with you, he won’t hurt you.

Pidlan · 31/03/2018 15:08

He's probably just a bit nosey OP, not thinking about you all the time or anything. He came on to you, you turned him down, he's not been hassling you or harassing you or anything has he?
You sound quite vulnerable, so I think you're probably overreacting because of that. There is no reason you've given us why you shouldn't feel perfectly safe in your home. Being weird isn't a crime.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 31/03/2018 15:09

Honestly, I think you just need to put the house on the market, hopefully sell it quite easily, and move on with your life. I don't think you need to give any more thought to your former neighbour.

thirtyplusone · 31/03/2018 15:18

Are you testing out the synopsis of some bizarre thriller mystery novel you're writing here?

DeathStare · 31/03/2018 15:24

I'm sorry but you are overreacting here unless there is a HUGE dripfeed coming.

The couple are a bit nosey and he made advances towards you that you rejected. Why on earth would that mean that he shouldn't be near schools?

What exactly is that you want him to stop? Being nosey? You;re just going to have to put up with it I'm afraid.

And what on earth did you report him to the police for?

Yarboosucks · 31/03/2018 15:25

Is this being written in another language and then put through Google translate before bing posted here?

GlitterGlassEye · 31/03/2018 15:26

It sounds like you are massively overthinking this. He came on to you, so what? You tell him to fuck off and tell his wife what a shit he is. Move on with your life and stop giving this man headspace. I bet he doesn’t give a toss about you,he was just being an opportunistic creep.

SparklyMagpie · 31/03/2018 15:27

You seem pretty convinced You're so desirable to this man

You're still not making any sense, what did he do and what have the schools got to do with it?

flumpybear · 31/03/2018 15:27

Just go in, lock your door and sort out your stuff and take it away, no need to discuss anything with this person, if he tries to make conversation just say I'm busy I can't stop and close the door

Yarboosucks · 31/03/2018 15:29

I think the logic is that this man is so weird that he would come on to a visibly sick woman and therefore he is bound to be too dodgy to live near a school.

Saucery · 31/03/2018 15:30

Sounds like a creep. Don’t look at their house when you arrive and if he approaches you hold your palm up towards him and say “I do not want you to talk to me” and keep walking.

I’m not sure about the schools thing either. The important thing is you don’t feel comfortable round him. You don’t have to talk to him or acknowledge him when you are there.

DaisytheDaftDaffodil · 31/03/2018 15:32

It sounds like a complex situation.

Just picking up on the, is it wrong to make an advance at someone who is poorly?

I don't see why health comes into it.

I wonder maybe if you're feeling low, he was trying maybe to cheer you up.

Most streets have nosey neighbours, I found out who mine was the other day. This old lady is just on another level.

Hopefully when you're away it'll all be done with and you can feel more confident.

DaisyDrip · 31/03/2018 15:36

I can't make head nor tail of this.

Married man comes onto woman, she rebuffs him. He spends his days being nosy at what the neighbours are doing? Does that sum it up?

How does any of this make him a danger to children and why so much attention to your high heels.

I need a lie down.

retirednow · 31/03/2018 15:40

What is it he did, did he make sexual advances, touch you intimately, make suggestive remarks. It still doesn't make sense, something has upset you but we don't really know what he did. Just go and get your things, is there much to sort out, isn't there anyone available to help you all over the bank holiday. How do you know his wife hasn't been seen recently or that she looks very unwell. Has anyone else ever seen him staring at you or behaving in a threatening manner.

Charolais · 31/03/2018 15:42

Dump the heels then he won’t hear you “clicking’ along the path - you can be all stealthy like in your comings and goings.

NotAgainYoda · 31/03/2018 15:53

Your very formal way of describing this conceals, rather than illuminates

What did he say to you?

Did he touch you?

Haffiana · 31/03/2018 15:53

OP, do you understand that you are worked up about something really rather trivial, that happened in the past and that took place in a place that you no longer live?

Do you think that maybe you are not so much over-reacting, but that you are still not quite well? I mean this in the kindest possible sense, but if this sort of thing is so large an issue in your present life, and is making you feel distressed, then you really need to seek medical help?

Beeziekn33ze · 31/03/2018 15:57

retirednow - Quite, wondering what he did or said over coffee. Also whether he bothers other women in the terrace.

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 16:09

"It was after this that the man made an advance which I instantly rejected. I was sad, my body was very ill and unfit to be seen without being medically qualified and I was suggested at."

What exactly did this man say and do in making this advance? Was it something that you may have misinterpreted or did he make a sexual remark/touch you in a sexual manner?

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/03/2018 16:16

Sorry, just re-read and noticed the police have been informed. What did they say to you about it? Did they speak to him?

ppeatfruit · 31/03/2018 16:21

There are some men who seem to misinterpret just being friendly or chatty as a neighbour as a sexual come on. It's very thick of them but unless he's actually trying to set up a threesome or something (maybe they are swingers!) Ignore it.

Then I would be extremely silent and make sure he's not getting mixed messages.

Original poster
StressedtoHellandBack · 31/03/2018 16:22

I had a place where I felt safe for many years. A man ruined that peace of mind and safety. He is weird. I dud not think I was attractive to anyone as a pp said. I felt horrible looking and would not have wanted touched or seen but the weirdness was that this man thought it appropriate. It had never happened before. I did not expect it. It has made me think about the possibility of it happening again. Ir coloured my view of men when there are plenty of kind men. I do not feel safe or comfortable with either of this couple around. I am glad I do not have yo live in that house I did want the option to keep the house.
If he was adonis I could see the point better he is late 60s fat not at all good looking.

OP posts:
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