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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this creepy?

129 replies

JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 01:50

Chatting to someone new on tinder and we exchanged numbers. He’s a bit drunk and just messaged saying “now I’ve got your number the dick pic will follow!” Before saying “sorry that was a joke, I don’t get why people do that! Has it happened to you before?!” It made me feel a bit weird, too far or just banter?

OP posts:
WingsOnMyBoots · 31/03/2018 10:30

Ugh!

pigeondujour · 31/03/2018 10:31

Jesus. What age is he? That chat is dire. Absolutely tedious.

GlitteryPineapples · 31/03/2018 10:32

It's definitely just a joke, he's just trying to be funny and obviously your sense of humours aren't compatible so I would just stop talking to him

Viviennemary · 31/03/2018 10:34

He's a horrible weird perv. I think he should be banned from Tinder. He sounds like a danger to women.

ButchyRestingFace · 31/03/2018 10:36

He's a horrible weird perv. I think he should be banned from Tinder. He sounds like a danger to women.

On balance, I don't think you're being ironic.

He's trying to be humorous and it fell flat. I agree with the pp who said your sense(s) of humour are not compatible. Best you find this out now.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/03/2018 10:40

He was drunk, and it was a joke. I wou,d have replied, ha very funny. If you don't like him, just ignore him.

Jbck · 31/03/2018 10:44

Lobster just for you

Is this creepy?
Viviennemary · 31/03/2018 10:46

Even if it's a joke it proves sex is on his mind all the time and that's the main thing he's interested in. He has no respect for women. Why get involved with somebody who is showing a big red flag for starters.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 10:47

Yeah I do think it shows sex is on his mind

OP posts:
Olympiathequeen · 31/03/2018 10:47

What else do you expect on Tinder?

messofajess · 31/03/2018 10:54

Haha I think he was testing the waters! His ultimate dream would be if you wrote back and said: Show me your dick

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2018 10:55

You’re on a dating,hook up,sex site.hes not going to regale you with literature
If you're genuinely that demure that his joke shocks I wonder if tinder is for you
Maybe look on mrdarcy4u.co.uk for a non joking stuffed shirt of a man

Gabilan · 31/03/2018 10:57

I do think it shows sex is on his mind

You're on Tinder. They don't want to discuss poetry and invite you to tea at the Ritz with their mum.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 10:57

It wasn’t so much the joke it was the references to dicks and genitalia, we were having a normal convo on tinder and then bam! I’m not that prudish but just found it a bit intense and unexpected an hour into a pretty relaxed chat

OP posts:
Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 10:57

Ha Gabilan we were discussing education, mutual friends etc otherwise. Definitely not having a sexually charged discussion.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2018 10:57

I think you're somewhat overstating this

icelollycraving · 31/03/2018 10:58

I think he was just testing then trying to have a bit of ‘banter’. I’ve had far far worse when I was OLD.
Your comment about a female equivalent would have gone on a v different path with someone really sleazy.

Nkhutch · 31/03/2018 11:01

IMO this sounds like he was probably just joking. Maybe he's talked to a few other people who have requested one and are only on there for that? Maybe just tell him your not a fan of that. If he sends you one after you've asked not to then I'd block him but give him a chance

NotTerfNorCis · 31/03/2018 11:07

It just sounds like the clueless sense of humour some men have. What's okay in 'banter' with their mates is not okay on dating sites. Not all of them get that.

ParkayFloor · 31/03/2018 11:09

In all honesty I would block. I find that deeply revolting that he starts trying to initiate a conversation about genitalia like that. He's a disgusting creep. Can't believe some people are saying "only a joke!"

ParkayFloor · 31/03/2018 11:13

"Willies aren't the prettiest things" EnvyEnvyEnvy

He's trying to get you to say something here- what a perv.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/03/2018 11:14

vivienne overreaction. I have a potty mind but does not mean I am a sexual pervert, actually I haven't had sex in ages. It was ill timed, and not funny. For some, it would be fine, obviously not you. So move on. Me I would give him the benefit of tge doubt, if anything else concerns me, dump.

velourvoyageur · 31/03/2018 11:29

He sounds a bit boring from those screenshots.
And he's probably undeservedly proud of himself for not having sent one before (which in turn is probably because he's only just started OLD) in the way only self-proclaimed inscure 'nice guys' could be.

Is it creepy...? Well I think unimaginative men are often creepy because a lot of the time they just rehash the same old same old that gets spouted to women by men they don't know, which, because we promote a culture where the fetishisation of female youth is normalised, is often by default creepy. In a situation where there is no 'default' to rehash, and where they were still creepy, then you would know it was their specific personality, perhaps. But since few situations arise where the default is not relevant, you rarely get to see if it's them or not. For example, because we conduct most of our (romantic/platonic) relationships via language, which in itself has developed in such a way that it's manipulative unless we (can) consciously divorce ourselves from its cultural entanglements. If any of that makes sense.

velourvoyageur · 31/03/2018 11:40

Yeah and the 'not the prettiest things' comment, that must indeed be the main reason we don't like dick pics, because we're eagle eyed aesthetes and it offends our delicate sensibilities, nothing to do with the fact it's grossly intrusive and totally uninteresting at that stage Hmm
That must also be why we don't send pictures of our vaginas, because they're not pretty (except virtuous him hasn't actually seen one? bodes well OP), and we're sensitively considerate enough only to expose men we don't know to the sculpted, pretty things about ourselves. Why can't men have the same consideration eh, what's that feminism for, in the end!

pigeondujour · 31/03/2018 11:53

Maybe he's talked to a few other people who have requested one and are only on there for that?

Yeah all of the zero women who have ever fitted that description.

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