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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think therapy/counselling is not the answer

172 replies

onlytheace · 28/03/2018 17:17

It is almost always suggested to people as something that can help them deal with problems, process trauma and generally be happier.

However, I think a lot of it is nothing more than the comfort of offloading to someone neutral in a “safe space”- it isn’t that they do anything special, it’s just sharing feelings. Yet they charge up to £50 a time.

Happy to be told I am BU but probably won’t agree!

OP posts:
Caulk · 28/03/2018 17:20

Have you had long term therapy?

I agree that 6weeks of counselling doesn't usually help years of attachment issues but I believe working fucking hard with the right therapist changes your life.

Sirzy · 28/03/2018 17:21

It isn’t the answer for everyone. It is an answer for a lot of people.

Sometimes that “sharing feeling” is exactly what is needed to process and make sense of thing and generally that can’t be achieved with someone you know as you worry about either judgement or burden (or both)

x2boys · 28/03/2018 17:21

I think it can help , it certainly helped me after a family tragedy which was traumatic , it didn't solve anything but I didn't expect it too but it helped me move on in my feelings , it was free as well via a self referral service .

Original poster
onlytheace · 28/03/2018 17:21

How?

Genuine question.

OP posts:
AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 28/03/2018 17:22

^^ What Caulk said.

Real therapy is hard labour. It's uncomfortable, often very painful. And it takes time. The standard NHS 8 sessions of CBT if you're lucky will only cut it for the most straightforward, least entrenched problems.

OP, if you would like to know a bit about what therapy does and how it does it, read Carl Rogers.

Alexkate2468 · 28/03/2018 17:24

Totally being u. Therapy changed my life. Took a while to find the right one and took a good 6 months and I had to work bloody hard but I now have let go of so much stuff and have coping mechanisms to deal with situations that arise and as I practise these strategies they become more natural and I find my issues are way more under control. It's had a positive impact on my physical health too. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.

However, I experienced some very poor mental health care as a teenager and was ready to write off therapy as a waste of time and actually quite damaging. Glad I have it one last shot.

Original poster
onlytheace · 28/03/2018 17:26

It’s interesting no one can tell me how.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 28/03/2018 17:26

Didn't we have this thread last week?

Therapy can be helpful to people. It doesn't help everyone.

Incidentally if you think it's a piss simple money making con, which you appear to be suggesting, have you considered investing in the training?

x2boys · 28/03/2018 17:27

For me there were a lot of issues that.. I felt had been handled very badly by all professionals concerned and I was extremely angry about a lot of things, I personally didn't need CBT I needed to talk to someone who was neutral and just have them listen to me I wasn't expecting anything to change , but just being heard really helped me .

Caulk · 28/03/2018 17:28

I’m seven years into therapy. It’s by far the hardest but best thing I’ve ever done.

It took 3 years, at least, for me to trust the therapist to not be like other people I knew, and at least 5 years to want to notice the difference it was making and want more of that difference.

Most of my friends don’t get it. However I now don’t feel the need to go along with what they say, like the old me would, but I have space in myself to make my own choices as I know myself better.

Brene Brown uses the Man in the Arena quote about when to listen to the comments of others. My friends haven’t worked in therapy in the way I have, so I don’t need to listen to their criticism - they aren’t also in the arena fighting.

Sirzy · 28/03/2018 17:28

Plenty of the responses have explained how it helped them. You may not want to see that but it doesn’t mean it’s not there!

Original poster
onlytheace · 28/03/2018 17:28

I don’t know if we did ilovesooty; I didn’t start it. I don’t spend all day on here, you see.

Why would I invest in the training, if I think it’s a money spinner?

OP posts:
Original poster
onlytheace · 28/03/2018 17:29

They have said it has helped them sirzy, but not how.

OP posts:
Caulk · 28/03/2018 17:29

What’s your issue OP? Are you concerned about someone else spending money on therapy, or you don’t want to commit to long term therapy yourself?

Basseting · 28/03/2018 17:29

My Mother is of the opinion that 'Therapy is for Invertebrates'.
After some very useful therapy to process major childhood issues, I, some years later, trained myself.

I think it depends on the issues /what you are hoping to achieve?
Sharing disappointments/frustrations in a supportive environment can happen in very close friendships. Good marriages can offer support.

But for big issues it can often have a trained experienced 'outsider' work along with you as you find a more helpful way of managing life.

applesandoranges221 · 28/03/2018 17:30

How?

For me, it’s changed my life quite simply through having someone, gently and consistently point out where I’m carrying beliefs that I don’t need from a fairly traumatic vhildhood and how that’s affecting my behaviour now. It also helps more than I can say to have someone who is consistently empathetic and who doesn’t judge but will challenge every time it’s neccessary and my thought processes and self image are totally different as a result. It’s horribly difficult but utterly life changing.

Sirzy · 28/03/2018 17:30

They have said how it has helped them. How it has helped them process things, or change the way they think or undetsrand things x

Original poster
onlytheace · 28/03/2018 17:30

Caulk

My issue is that often vulnerable people are told, “Here! This is what you must do in order to be ‘cured’. Spend lots, and lots, and lots of money.”

It surprises me no one else can see that’s not great.

OP posts:
Footle · 28/03/2018 17:31

No one can tell you how because no one feels like explaining their specific issues , and therefore the help they had with them, to a random person with somewhat goady intentions.

RubberJohnny · 28/03/2018 17:31

Err, so you can make money?
It helps me to work things out on a neutral platform that I simply cannot burden my family with.

Caulk · 28/03/2018 17:32

It’s helped me by allowing me to see myself differently, trust an adult who has my best interests at heart, stop negative behaviour, recognise what I’m feeling, own my own shit.

Having a space with a person who is putting 100% into my wellbeing, as well as years of experience and training has allowed me to do these things.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 28/03/2018 17:32

It's a bit like asking HOW your GP helps?

By doing an effective broad assessment, a working diagnosis and treatment...

The treatment (from any recognised therapist) should be well evidenced techniques...

It's not about 'just listening'

ilovesooty · 28/03/2018 17:32

If someone has been in therapy long term, on a very personal level, how do you expect them to explain to your satisfaction how it helped in the space of a few posts on here?

Besides, you are not them, are you?

Caulk · 28/03/2018 17:33

My issue is that often vulnerable people are told, “Here! This is what you must do in order to be ‘cured’. Spend lots, and lots, and lots of money.”

I’m yet to meet a therapist, with appropriate qualifications, insurance, supervision and training who is in it just to make money.

0lgaDaPolga · 28/03/2018 17:33

It certainly helped me with trauma. I had 13 sessions of cbt for ptsd following my sons birth. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, reliving something really awful. It helped me process what had happened and helped me let go of the guilt I had about everything that happened. It wasn’t offloading onto the therapist at all. It was very structured and very much helped me process a horrible, chaotic experience into something that made sense and that I could put behind me and move on. I was in an awful state before I had that therapy and feel totally back to normal now so it really does help some people