To think therapy/counselling is not the answer

[onlytheace]

It is almost always suggested to people as something that can help them deal with problems, process trauma and generally be happier.

However, I think a lot of it is nothing more than the comfort of offloading to someone neutral in a “safe space”- it isn’t that they do anything special, it’s just sharing feelings. Yet they charge up to £50 a time.

Happy to be told I am BU but probably won’t agree!

I don't care whether you engage or not quite frankly. Your attitude disgusts me.

flowers if your counsellor isn't respectful of you and your time I don't blame you for stopping sessions.

I have had long term therapy. To me, a good therapist is one who lets me talk yes, but also appropriately challenges where necessary, asks relevant questions etc, helps me to indentify patterns in my life/behaviour that I would not have been able to see by myself, challenge negative thoughts/self beliefs etc.

To me, It should be comforting yes, but also challenging at times and uncomfortable. I used to leave sessions totally and utterly mentally exhausted.

i feel they make you false promises and give you false hope they'll help with certain things which is worse than no hope at all.

I think therapy charges to do what a friend / voluntary organisation could.

Nope. My therapist did so many social experiments in order to train my brain that anyone doing it who hadn’t had years of training could cause a lot of damage.

My CBT worked because my therapist had the complex knowledge to know what he was doing.

I went from housebound to fully functional in months.

I find your attitude disgusting too sooty

Well, counselling isn’t recommended when there’s an abusive relationship, which is strongly indicative to me.

Couples' counselling isn't recommended for abuse victims, because there isn't a positive relationship to save there. Individual counselling for someone in or just out of an abusive relationship is often a very good idea indeed, however.

And I draw an NHS wage. I could potentially make a fortune from private practice because I get results. It's often suggested to me by colleagues in private practice that I do that.

I don't do that because the client group I like to work with could not afford it or access it.

i feel they make you false promises and give you false hope they'll help with certain things which is worse than no hope at all.

A good therapist won’t make any promises, they can’t because they don’t know how things will develop throughout the course of the therapy.

mine did make me a promise and it was something very very important to me that i wanted very badly for myself. i believed her and thought it would happen.

If he’s abusive you need to leave, not get counselling. Counselling is not recommended from anyone where there’s abuse.
You make it sound simple. Just go. Just leave. Maybe someone needs to find the self respect and emotional strength to leave an abusive relationship.

Thought you weren't going to engage?
Given your comments already I couldn't give a shit what you think of me.

I'm interested in what others have to say but I hope no one feels they have to open up to you and share personal experiences.

Therapy makes you need therapy.

I think it's passing the buck from family and friends because we have no time to sit and talk and listen to one another. I absolutely hate how ppl respond 'get therapy' to everything when a lot of therapists only make you overanalyse and don't look at circumstance ect.

I honestly think it's accountable for ppl needing someone else's opinion to feel validated and for angst, stress and confusion if therapists know better than your own experience.

mine did make me a promise and it was something very very important to me that i wanted very badly for myself. i believed her and thought it would happen

Can you contact them and talk that through?

Actually sooty I retract that

We both feel passionately about this from different point of views, admittedly.

I think when you feel very fiercely about something it’s possible to take any slur on it as a slur on YOU.

This is not a slur on counsellors. However, I have grave misgivings about its effectiveness and I dislike the way blame is apportioned to vulnerable people if it doesn’t work and the money is a lot especially if someone is struggling anyway.

I shall bow out. Real life calls.

Interesting thread!
I had 6wks CBT on NHS but it was of little help. I wanted to focus on the past but they wanted me to keep diaries of what was happening in my life at that time and what was bothering me.
The techniques were ok, but nothing I couldn't have come up with myself.
Can anyone explain any good techniques for dealing with past events or any useful books I could read - text books or self help?

Your understanding of therapy and abuse is incorrect. Joint counselling isn't recommended. Individual counselling is often the first step to someone gathering the strength to leave an abusive relationship.

Your disapproval reads as though someone close to you is considering accessing therapy and you're worried about losing control. I hope they're not on MN and this isn't a veiled attempt to influence them.

Therapy makes you need therapy.

Octave777 No, it really doesn’t. I recovered through therapy several years ago; I haven’t even been close to needing it since.

Just sitting and talking to family would never have got me from housebound to fully functioning adult.

there is a nurse attached to the project who has helped with things in the past so i thought of contacting her and asking her, i don't know if it's worth a try or whether i'm best giving up on the whole idea and just accepting things as they are. it was actually better without the hope in a weird way.

An individual can have counselling if they so wish. I was responding specifically to someone who said they couldn’t have seen their priest for counselling because their DH was abusive. I was pointing out that she shouldn’t have been seeing anyone for counselling with DH if he was abusive.

@flowerslemonade I think the problem is with your therapist, not you. I know what a strain it is, but please consider trying to find someone else - it's taken me years to find someone who I feel is helping. I know how stressful it is to go through everything with yet another person, but hopefully, next time will be better

Laguna maybe it would be helpful if you explained what psychodynamic psychotherapy is, and how it differs from other options like CBT? (Or does it?!) I realise it's not your job to educate us, but it would be really helpful to hear it described by a practitioner, at least for me! There's so many different types of therapy but we tend to lump them all under "counselling" (or I do)

I never made it to the top of Merseyside's psychological services waiting list (in 4 years) but previously had CBT with a psychologist in a different trust which was hugely beneficial - and totally different to the CBT I had at Inclusion Matters, strangely I've spent years trying to get my head round all the options, and I bet I'm not the only person who doesn't really know how it all works!

flowers I'd say it's definitely worth a try especially if it's so important to you! Don't give up on yourself!

I've tried CBT and it didn't work for me. It's great that it works for some, but it is disingenuous to say that it works for everyone, it doesn't. One size does not fit all, but it is seemingly the only type of therapy offered in some areas.

I honestly think it's accountable for ppl needing someone else's opinion to feel validated and for angst, stress and confusion if therapists know better than your own experience.

Nobody knows your own experiences better than you do. However sometimes someone else needs to help you “see the wood for the trees” in order to properly process those experiences and start to understand them and their impact.

One of the big things I have achieved through counselling is that I have much more faith in my own judgement and have realised I don’t need others to validate what I do

Flowers:

You said 'I feel I could do all the talking in the world but if I'm still trapped in my current situation, that isn't going to help anything and I'm still going to end up feeling as I do and accumulating damage of sorts'

It depends what that current situation is. If you're in an abusive or unhappy relationship that you don't want to leave, or you are a single Mother with disabled children so you can't work and are struggling financially, socially and day to day, or you have a chronic physical illness that causes reduced functioning or constant pain then no therapy in the world would change those circumstances.

It could potentially change how you feel and how you view and manage that situation but no, it can't change the actual circumstances.

I've found therapy amazing. Had 9 sessions so far of 12 that I've been given free. Ill be looking around for a way to access more therapy once it's over.

Have you tried Mind? They are very good and even if you pay it's based on salary. I have an exemption from paying because im a carer for my dd with additional health needs and the council pay for that. there are other exemptions though!