To think therapy/counselling is not the answer

[onlytheace]

It is almost always suggested to people as something that can help them deal with problems, process trauma and generally be happier.

However, I think a lot of it is nothing more than the comfort of offloading to someone neutral in a “safe space”- it isn’t that they do anything special, it’s just sharing feelings. Yet they charge up to £50 a time.

Happy to be told I am BU but probably won’t agree!

Ok... I'll try to explain how.

It helped me to put issues in my past into perspective and realise that is been lied to, manipulated and abused. I was a blameless child. That helped me to let go of a lot of guilt and see myself in a new way. It helped me to learn to trust and let down barriers with my family and changed my relationships.

The coping strategies helped me to recognise a panic attack before it went to far and rationalise/distract/diffuse it or if it was already going to far, I learned to ride it out and realise that the panic attack could not hurt me. That released me from the fear of s panic attack which meant they were less frequent. That in turn reduced my general anxiety and all of the physical symptoms (sickness, IBS, shaking, dizziness) and helped me to begin to have a normal life again.

If therapy isn’t the answer OP, what do you believe is?

They don't just listen, they ask questions and make you think about things in a new way. It requires skill and training on their part, and done well can be life changing

*too

It certainly isn’t about “cure”, it’s about finding a coping mechanism for whatever the issue in life is.

Being sceptical is one thing but trying to accuse of fraudulent behaviour is another

Exactly Caulk

Maybe there isn’t an answer.

Maybe talking to someone without being charged £50 a time is the answer.

Where and how have you come to the conclusion that all therapists are in it for the money? Genuine question. Have you had therapy that didn't help or know someone for whom it didn't help?

Yes, scepticism is one thing. Accusations of scamming vulnerable people are another matter.

Yet they charge up to £50 a time.

And the rest!

I kind of agree with you. It’s often suggested as a cure-all here. I’ve had lots of therapy and I’m really quite angry and some of the bullshit therapists I’ve endured! Major major trauma and they’re suggesting ‘mindfulness, deep breathing and thinking positive’. I learned more useful stuff from self help books! However at the time I thought it would be helpful and that gave me the strength to get through the darkest times. The feeling of doing something to help myself get out of a hole. So that was something I suppose.

CBT didn’t help me one tiny bit.

Now trying EMDR for the residual trauma, which seems possibly a better bet as it’s more than just a talking therapy.

I had 4 sessions of counselling a couple of years back and it helped me come to terms with anxiety caused by an accumulation of many relatively minor issues over the years. I think it was the process of explaining them to someone else that actually helped- someone I didn’t know and didn’t care about what they thought about me so I could be completely 100% honest. I wish I’d done it years ago. I’m likely to go back again for a few sessions this summer to resolve a few more things.
The counselling training is important because what you really don’t need is yet another person telling you how you should feel/what you should think. I have plenty of them in my life already.

You're ignoring the answers you ever been given on here - what is your agenda?

Here is HOW: it allows people a neutral place away from their everyday lives and relationships to discuss issues, things that are bothering them etc. Like a pp said it is a coping mechanism. It allows people to get things off their chest without monopolising family time etc.

I’m paying for her expertise, like I pay for a hairdresser, dentist etc. I’m paying for her room rental, her insurance and her CPD.

I choose to access private therapy because we continue to meet because she wants to and I want to. NHS is dependent on someone else’s funding, someone’s job post etc.

When I haven’t been able to afford it, we’ve worked something out, just like when I’ve needed phone calls, texts, twice weekly sessions, emails etc. I wouldn’t get that on the NHS or charity therapy.

Are you wanting a scientific answer? Because you're right there isn't one. If it doesn't help you then fine but you seem unnecessarily flippant about those who find it does help them.

It really depends on the situation. A short course of six counselling sessions helped me to stop smoking. A similar amount of Relate sessions helped me and STBXH decide to divorce and nailed down why I needed to keep the home and buy him out. Neither would have happened without a impartial counsellor, guiding and managing the thought processes. I'd have made snap decisions based on fear and panic and been worse off for it.

I sometimes wonder about ADs worth - I found them horrible and the side effects intolerable. They were masking the situation not actually helping. I'd count counselling more practical in terms of getting to the root of the issue.

BUT and I've got a big butt it's a big but, course for other people ADs are a lifeline - giving them space to cope when you can't actually resolve or discuss or solve anything,.

If you can find solutions to your problems and come out of low states, and do it by yourself that is great. Sometimes we all need help and that will come in different forms.

I don’t think all counsellors are scammers. I do think counselling is a scam. Many (most) counsellors have had counselling and bought into the scam. Similar to many MLM companies: the people at the top do believe it can work.

When I left an abusive relationship, I went to my gp and he referred me to a counsellor. Six sessions free to start. And it opened a lot in me , I knew I had to carry on. That was seven years ago and I am so glad I did it. I stopped having regular sessions a few years ago. But it was hard going, exhausting (emotionally and physically) a hard slog but it was the best thing I ever did and I would recommend it to anyone. I'm a better person for it, I respect myself and it helped me box up a lot of things. I have been able to understand things, move on and make a life for myself. It is a great answer and if you are willing, if you really want to do it, then the benefits are literally life changing.

OP Alexkate2468 has told you how

Something to note is that different therapies approach things in different ways. I worked as a therapist and at the start of the work the client did testing on issues like anger, depression, PTSD symptomology etc, these were measured again in the middle and at the end. So the aim of that work was to have reduced those scores if they were too high or perhaps to have raised them if they were very low. Other therapies use different measures.
Some issues like child sex abuse cannot be discussed easily In everyday conversation. Such topics require significant training and study.
It is a huge field and contains a lot of differences. So kind of like saying what is the point of medicine it is too broad to be meaningful.
The service I worked in was free to access so getting people to come so we could charge them wasn't an issue.

If therapy were not effective in some instances I very much doubt it would still be offered in prisons, mental health facilities etc. and is very much over subscribed by service users.
Personally I have seen evidence of levels of depression being greatly reduced by creative (drama, music and art) therapists.This revised mental health status has remained for some years up to the present day.
I think PP have explained how therapy can work and I am not sure why you do not acknowledge this, however 'therapy' is a broad term and works differently across the spectrum.
I hope you are not being forced into therapy op. If this is not the case, I would suggest you accept that many of us have benefited.

Of course they’ve had counselling! Would you want to see a therapist who hasn’t sorted out their own shit?!

OP, happy to continue talking about this, but it sounds like you haven’t actually committed to therapy and done the hard work, and if that’s the case then I have better things to do that just argue why it’s good.

My issue is that often vulnerable people are told, “Here! This is what you must do in order to be ‘cured’. Spend lots, and lots, and lots of money.”

I work in a NHS Psychodynamic Psychotherapy clinic, we can see patients for 3 months or a year. Doesnt cost them a penny. We have a general clinic and a sexual trauma clinic, you would just have to trust me that in my long experience this has been helpful for the majority of my patients. Its not about "curing" anything.

I'm also working towards a degree myself to become a counselor. If I can help people as I have been helped, then it's a good thing. And my counselor has never charged me. He should have, after the free sessions. How can that be a scam?

I went from housebound and unable to work for years to holding down a full time job in a matter of months with CBT on the NHS.

It absolutely changed my life around.