To think therapy/counselling is not the answer

[onlytheace]

It is almost always suggested to people as something that can help them deal with problems, process trauma and generally be happier.

However, I think a lot of it is nothing more than the comfort of offloading to someone neutral in a “safe space”- it isn’t that they do anything special, it’s just sharing feelings. Yet they charge up to £50 a time.

Happy to be told I am BU but probably won’t agree!

Would you like to explain why you think that?

I've never had it myself as I'd find it so uncomfortable but I think for some people it can be helpful.

What I find odd is the idea of "couples counselling" which I always see suggested. If I need a stranger to tell me how to make my relationship better then that's a relationship I don't want to be in. But then again I have a very low bullshit tolerance.

I was waiting for that Caulk

Done the hard work the ultimate get out clause isn’t it?

So you’ve spent thousands and it didn’t work and wait - it’s your fault, because you didn’t work at it. You didn’t want it, as the MLM companies would say.

The other scammers lie is you weren’t ready for it

I was referred to a counsellor by the NHS when I was suffering depression. She opened my eyes to the fact that I was married to an abusive man, something I genuinely couldn't see for myself because he didn't do stuff like get drunk or hit me. So that's how counselling helped me.

I don’t think all counsellors are scammers. I do think counselling is a scam. Many (most) counsellors have had counselling and bought into the scam. Similar to many MLM companies: the people at the top do believe it can work

if you knew anything at all about therapy you would know exactly why therapists have to have their own therapy. So please tell me exactly why you think Im scamming my patients?

So you start a thread earlier today on how to turn your life round then start another to say that most counselling is a scam.

Interesting. It seems your main objection to therapy is paying for it.

I don’t think YOU are Laguna

I think you are charging them a lot of money for something you belive is special; it isn’t.

Therapy hasn't helped me. And to be honest I'm pretty devastated by that. I wanted it to help. I was prepared to work hard. I don't know what the answer is either. To me I feel I could do all the talking in the world but if I'm still trapped in my current situation, that isn't going to help anything and I'm still going to end up feeling as I do and accumulating damage of sorts.

What’s my other thread got to do with it?

Can I not want to turn my life around and hold other opinions?

I bet being told it was your “fault” didn’t help either, flowers

It is hard work... I can sit in therapy for ten years saying I want to be less angry at my dad, but unless I actually talk about why I’m angry, feel angry and make changes in my life about how I deal with anger then nothing will change will it?

No one likes talking about difficult things, that’s why it’s hard.

It may cost £50 a session, but a therapist has to make money somehow!
It costs a LOT to train to be a counsellor and is very time consuming. It’s not something people get into to earn a quick buck, for sure.
I’m sure a lot of counsellors would like to charge less but it’s not feasible when they’ve invested so much time, energy and money for training and supervision.
I’ve personally had CBT and counselling whilst in an abusive relationship and it gently made me recognise I was in a bad situation, work out why I was having bad anxiety problems and learn coping mechanisms to get over GAD.

Oh and counselling doesn't work for all people, same as anything else in life. Jogging hurts my knees, does that mean that jogging is the wrong exercise for everyone? No need to be sneery about counselling just because it's not for you.

Yea I do feel it was my fault it didn't work but I don't know what I could have done differently unfortunately.

The fact that therapy works is backed by by advances in neuroscience research this book is a good place to start if you want to understand.

Research also shows that it is the quality of the relationship that is the most important factor in therapeutic change this is a good book regarding that.

Personally I am learning to trust through therapy, I was taught growing up that anger and tears were unacceptable. Through patience and acceptance my therapist is showing me that it is safe for me to acknowledge and express anger (I was at a stage where I didn’t even feel angry, it was either felt as an intense urge to self harm or lethargy, as a ‘flop’ response). I’m still incredibly anxious when anger comes up, but I’m actually recognising it now so it can be processed.

I have complex trauma, I’ve been told incidents I’ve described from my childhood are physically, emotionally and sexually abusive. Also one parent was a functioning alcoholic. I always thought it was my fault, that I was never good enough. Therapy is a long haul for me, and I consider myself lucky that we can afford it. I have gone from being suicidal (including an overdose that hospitalised me for a weekend) to feeling relatively normal. I still have a long way to go, but I am seeing the improvement and so are my husband and friends.

I think you are charging them a lot of money for something you belive is special; it isn’t.

Well since I work for the NHS - as I clearly stated - Im not charging my patients a penny. Of course I believe therapy helps - Ive seen it over the years Ive worked here with my own eyes so I know more about psychodynamic psychotherapy clearly than you do. Educate yourself if you are interested but I suspect you have an agenda here.

But it is special. Just on this thread lots of people all with unique experiences have said how it has helped them improve their lives. Or are you saying they are all wrong and it hasn’t helped them?

I have been having a weekly counselling session since January this year to help me deal with my mum's passing last year (as it was something I have avoided dealing with) as well as other issues with family relationships and dynamics.

It helps me by having someone to speak to without fear of worrying or upsetting the friend or relative I would talk to instead. Having a neutral person to get everything off my chest to and who then discusses how and why I feel like that, who validates how I feel and explains that some situations are out of my control. It also helps me see situations from other people's perspective

It might not work for everyone but it really is working for me

The cost of it is an issue though as it's often not accessible to those on a low wage and the NHS resources are incredibly stretched.

If you spend thousands on a therapist who isn't helping you, well, that's your look-out.

If a therapist is helping you, you will know about it within the first 2-3 sessions. It may take a lot longer to unpack everything that's troubling you, but you will know early on that it is having an effect.

OP, you talk about having a neutral person to talk to like it's something you come across easily in everyday life. Truth is, it's fucking rare to speak to someone who will listen to everything you have to say, without expecting you to listen to them in return. Pretty much everyone in a person's life - parents, friends, siblings, colleagues - has some sort of agenda of their own, and will give advice that's usually influenced very strongly by their own concerns and experiences.

A meta-analysis came out last week showing that therapy has significant and long-lasting effect on clients' personalities (increased Emotional Stability and Extraversion, in case you're wondering: therapy makes people more chilled out and sociable).

www.bps.org.uk/news-and-policy/little-discussed-effect-therapy-it-changes-your-personality

I agree, just a money spinner. You get more benefit from sharing a bottle of wine with a mate.

What are you talking about? Counselling?
CBT? DBT? CAT? EMDR? Psychodynamic psychotherapy? Psychoanalytical therapy?

It's all well researched and evidenced. No it won't always work for everyone but often some of the people it doesn't work for are the ones who expect a therapist to 'fix them' without wanting to look at issues they don't want to or look at aspects of their personality/thought processes/behaviour.

Health physical and mental is not an exact science. Yet mental health is always the one area that people don't want to tolerate non success of potential treatments and always think there must be 'something else' or the treating clinicians must have done something wrong.

If you have a physical condition or illness and numerous treatments have been tried with little or no success, people accept that and the potential limitations of the available treatments. With mental health people always blame the involved clinicians. Well there must be something else you can do? No, not always.

Many (most) counsellors have had counselling and bought into the scam.

And you know this how?

We also currently provide MBT - Mentalisation Based Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder, very much a research based therpay. Again not a "cure" but a way for patients with BPD to learn to manage their ever varying emotions and attachment difficulties. To see people turn their lives around and stop self harming as much is special.

Mine cost £80 a session and she’s saved my life. A small price to pay.

What the travesty is that it’s harder to access for those who can’t afford it.

It doesn’t mean it works for everyone, I can only speak for me.