Fake engagement ring

[Poppy1324]

I got engaged 2 years ago and married a year ago, my engagement ring is huge, very eye catching and gets lots of attention. A few people have commented about how much it must have cost and people have said it’s 2 carat at least, my husband has always said it is a diamond and made comments about how much it set him back.

Several people have said it’s worth a fortune and I’ll have to get it insured, my husband agreed and said he’ll have to do it and he will give receipt to insurance so I don’t see how much he spent. A few weeks ago someone said it must be 15-20k worth of diamond! Now we don’t have that kind of money so I assumed they must be mistaken and put it out of my mind, then last weekend I was at a dinner and a friends husband who’s a jeweller noticed the ring made a huge fuss of it,his wife compared her ring which was half the size and then they chatted quietly to each other looking at the 2 rings and looked at me with what I can only describe as mixture of sympathy and confusion as they gave it back.

I probably shouldn’t have done this but it’s been playing on my mind, I know the name of the store so I just looked it up, found the exact ring and it’s cubic zirconia, it’s still lovely and it is expensive although obviously not 15k expensive.

I don’t have expensive things, never have, it’s always made me cringe the thought he has spent so much on a ring, it felt wrong when we have struggled for money and we have friends and family around us struggling to make ends meet. Although I was obviously happy to be engaged I’m not really the attention seeking type and I’ve always felt embarrassed at the huge amount of attention this ring gets.

I feel a bit uncomfortable now wearing a massive flashy attention seeking fake ring and pretending it’s a diamond, I don’t know much about diamonds, obviously! However other people do and I feel a bit embarrassed to wear it now I know.

I don’t know how much my husband knows about jewellery, perhaps he saw it was sparkly and assumed it was a diamond or more likely he has lied about it this whole time. I have happily worn it for 2 years and I don’t want to upset him or be ungrateful for what is still a lovely and expensive ring.

Do I ask him about it or just carry on wearing it, the majority of people won’t examine it and I’d guess most wont realise so does it really matter anyway.

What Bluntness and others have said in all messages.

The more pernicious sort of lie suggested by the others is a real possibility here.

But I guess it is possible he is a complete buffoon - the situation ran away with him and he can't see a way out now so he's brazening it out. He could be a Walter Mitty character.

OP are you SURE you know what his real financial situation is? Have you bought a house with him yet? I guess that would all come out in a mortgage application but I would certainly want to make sure this isn't something he'd lied about before you have kids, if that is planned.

If you think it's likely he needs to "seem flash/impressive" and did it for that reason I would find it impossible to trust him to represent his financial situation accurately in the future.

For example, when you say he "could afford to spend thousands" I am not convinced this is true. I think he makes less than he's lead you to believe. Do you have a joint account where you could check this?

And blimey - I would NEVER suggest to a friend her ring wasn't real. You've got to be kidding me.

I think the jeweller probably feels terrible his poker face slipped.

My engagement ring includes a one carat stone which belonged to my great-grandma. My MoH thought it was her role to clarify this when I got complimented on my ring and she was around.

I can’t believe in this day and age that women still covet expensive engagement rings which are only a symbol of a man’s possession of a woman; much like a farmer putting a ring through an bull’s nose. Of course no jeweller of repute would let him believe he was buying a diamond. Cubics are fairly hard to spot unless you are a jeweller but you can usually tell by the wearer. You have to look classy and rich to get away with a 2 carat ring!

The lies are the problem.

He also picked a showy ring that isn't to your usual taste. He picked it to show off. He lies about how expensive it was.

If he could afford a ring worth a couple of thousand then there is no way he believes this is an expensive ring. He is lying to both of your your friends and family.

You are now in a position where you have to admit what he has done or continue to lie to everyone.

No point in trying to trick him. I just would be honest that you met a jeweller who looked at the ring strangely so you checked on the website to see what was wrong.

Who cares what a ring is worth. But no one wants to be lied to. And be embarrassed by his lies to everyone else.

I know it’s most likely that the OP has been deceived but there is a small chance it could have been a genuine fuck up.

Before I got engaged to my husband he would not have had A CLUE about diamonds and precious stones. They are just nowhere on his radar. He doesn’t own anything in the world that cost more than about £300 other than his house and car. He would have thought £300 was quite a lot to spend on a piece of jewellery and he wouldn’t have known that cubic zirconia was different from a diamond. Neither would I, to be honest. And then if people started talking about getting it insured etc then yes, he would still be clueless because he WOULD think £300 was a lot to spend on one thing and that, yes, it should be insured.

Lots of people I know don’t give a shit about diamonds and stuff because they just would never be able to afford them. My husband only realised he should probably fork out more than £100 for my ring because he asked his sister to choose something for me. He’s not a mean man at all. He’d buy anything his family needed but he just doesn’t see any value in material stuff.

So there is a (small) chance it could all be a big misunderstanding.

Fontella which one is it? I have a New Look ring that gets loads of comments too- wonder if it is the same?

I had a lovely engagement ring, .75 carat emerald cut diamond set in platinum. The marriage was bullshit though and I’m getting divorced. I’ll sell the ring but it’s only worth about a quarter of what was paid for it. Ultimately, it’s about the marriage, not the ring. I have friends with massive engagement rings and their marriages are largely bullshit too. If you need a huge diamond to prove your love to someone you’re doing something wrong.

Its the lies, and the bigging himself up to everyone else that's the issue.

He should have got a ring you liked, not one that he thought made him look good. Its cringe worthy all round and I'd have a big issue with that. I'd also make sure I was fully aware of all money issues if I were you - if he exaggerates like this there could be other things he's 'bigging up'. Sorry OP - but you're right to be concerned.

janice sorry but you and your DH sound highly unusual in not knowing that CZ and diamonds are different. £300 is a lot for a lot of people but they still live in a world of freely available information and omniscient media presence - it’s pretty hard to avoid the knowledge that a socking great diamond is going to cost 20k+.

I think the lie would be the important thing to me. The actual value of anything isn't relevant so long as it was chosen with love, but lying about the value is odd.

I had a very cheap engagement ring, three small garnets in 9ct gold, because we were students when we got engaged. DH wanted to upgrade it about a decade later when we were both working and a lot better off, but actually I rarely wore any rings anyway so we didn't bother.

The ring was stolen in a burglary along with all my jewellery, and I bought quite a bit of costume jewellery to replace it so that I wouldn't be worried about it being stolen again. I do sometimes wear the rings on my left ring finger, and they would be expensive if they were real, but we are at the age and income level now that nobody would think it unusual for me to have expensive rings so nobody every comments on the value of them. If anybody comments on them I do say that they are fake, so that I don't have to worry about them and replace them if needed. Quite often women ask me where I got them from as they like the look of them.

It sparkles and looks pretty - it does exactly the same job as a diamond. You also don’t have the worry of walking around with £20K on your finger. I chose a fake diamond for my wedding ring and feel superior to all those mugs making the de beers obscenely wealthy. Real diamonds are a huge con for silly people.

Gosh it must be and incredible looking ring! Mine is flawless/colourless 0.5ct on a platinum band and was somewhere in the £3k bracket. It's a lovely ring but nothing flashy at all! I'd feel upset if my DH lied to me about what it was. It's not the value, it's the being taken for a mug that would hurt. I'd rather have the diamond that he/we could afford, even if that's a crumb, than be lied to about a CZ like I'm easy to fool

A real diamond will scratch through glass a fake one won’t. That’s the test.

No a “lab created” diamond of near gem quality would be ridiculously expensive, more than a natural gem quality diamond.
My DH did his PhD on diamonds (really) which made for interesting conversations with jewellers! Less of the “you just have to fall in love with it “. We knew things. And mine is pretty big and scores highly on the other 3Cs too. It’s insured of course.

My diamond fell out one day when walking the dogs . I had put my engagement ring on for the first time in about year - I had been keeping it in a safe place as it looked a little loose. Why I did this I will never know - the sun was shining etc. Anyway, we have been talking about replacing the stone (and getting the posts sorted) when we can afford to but this post has made me think of not getting a diamond.

Very different issue though, hope it works out for you @poppy1324

Get him a cheap ring or cufflinks etc and tell him u took out a loan for 15k....look on his face priceless

@Eliza9917 Thank you! That's just the sort of thing I'm looking for.

You could take it into a jewellers for a valuation - you don't have to tell him and they will tell you if its CZ or diamond. I agree with the other posters that it all hinges on whether he knew he was buying CZ or not. If he did I would be rather gutted. A huge diamond would cost anything from £5 - 10K. If you love it though, I'd carry on wearing it.

I genuinely can’t tell the difference in the pic further up the page of the real diamond and fake m and cz one.

This has been snapped up by the Mirror newspaper

www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/woman-discovers-engagement-ring-fake-12267422

Why won't MN stop this? It's one thing coming on what is predominantly a female, anonymous space to share but having your thoughts spread across national newspaper article is quite another.

It gives them publicity.