Fake engagement ring

[Poppy1324]

I got engaged 2 years ago and married a year ago, my engagement ring is huge, very eye catching and gets lots of attention. A few people have commented about how much it must have cost and people have said it’s 2 carat at least, my husband has always said it is a diamond and made comments about how much it set him back.

Several people have said it’s worth a fortune and I’ll have to get it insured, my husband agreed and said he’ll have to do it and he will give receipt to insurance so I don’t see how much he spent. A few weeks ago someone said it must be 15-20k worth of diamond! Now we don’t have that kind of money so I assumed they must be mistaken and put it out of my mind, then last weekend I was at a dinner and a friends husband who’s a jeweller noticed the ring made a huge fuss of it,his wife compared her ring which was half the size and then they chatted quietly to each other looking at the 2 rings and looked at me with what I can only describe as mixture of sympathy and confusion as they gave it back.

I probably shouldn’t have done this but it’s been playing on my mind, I know the name of the store so I just looked it up, found the exact ring and it’s cubic zirconia, it’s still lovely and it is expensive although obviously not 15k expensive.

I don’t have expensive things, never have, it’s always made me cringe the thought he has spent so much on a ring, it felt wrong when we have struggled for money and we have friends and family around us struggling to make ends meet. Although I was obviously happy to be engaged I’m not really the attention seeking type and I’ve always felt embarrassed at the huge amount of attention this ring gets.

I feel a bit uncomfortable now wearing a massive flashy attention seeking fake ring and pretending it’s a diamond, I don’t know much about diamonds, obviously! However other people do and I feel a bit embarrassed to wear it now I know.

I don’t know how much my husband knows about jewellery, perhaps he saw it was sparkly and assumed it was a diamond or more likely he has lied about it this whole time. I have happily worn it for 2 years and I don’t want to upset him or be ungrateful for what is still a lovely and expensive ring.

Do I ask him about it or just carry on wearing it, the majority of people won’t examine it and I’d guess most wont realise so does it really matter anyway.

Yeah agree with most PP's, I'm not sure I could forgive this lie. I'd be devastated, not because of the ring but to know he could tell a lie like that

I hope the talk goes ok OP ! You should definitely get a new ring that YOU want and can treasure without feeling betrayed

I Wouldn't add a picture if I were you, it will just cue a lot of people to be mean.

Doesn’t matter how much it cost and to be honest I think you need a new circle of friends!
Do you like it? Yes! Did Hubby choose it? Yes!
That’s all that matters! My engagement ring was £325 and it’s priceless to me!

Yeah but tinksmam did your husband lead you to believe it had cost him £20,000 prior to you finding out it cost £325? Did he suggest you insured it as it was so valuable? Or was he open and honest with you about it all along

LightDrizzle I'm in the UK and all my jewellery's insured separately on a worldwide policy - with this policy, they do stipulate you have a certain type of safe in your home, but no other requirements when travelling.

What else has he lied about OP ?
That's what would worry me.
He wants people to think he's very rich.
So much so that he lied to you and basked in the 'glory' of others 'admiring' his 'generosity'.
I'd be really upset and checking our true financial position if it were me.
You say he could have afforded to buy you a diamond ring but chose to deceive you. Flash Harry - yuck.
Only last week there was a court case where a police officer killed his wife because she found out and was upset that he had falsified documents to get more loans to live beyond their means.
Three children were left motherless.
Some men !!!

BakingwithGlitter had wise advice. Do reread her post.
Go to a jeweller and check it out before any accusations are made.

I think most people are being very charitable towards him.

Rightly so, you don't care about the cost of the ring or having an expensive one. The cost is not important to you but that's not the point here..

The point is he KNOWS it's a zirconia (because he bought it in a shop not off the back of a truck) and he decided to lie to you and say it's a diamond. Why would he deceive you - about something which wouldn't matter to you anyway - at the start a lifetime commitment?

Lying about something like that, just creates mistrust when it's found out. It would be better to talk to him and give him the chance to come clean and rebuild the trust.

I'd feel upset about a pointless deception like that and wonder what else he's untruthful about.

The ring isn't the issue, is it? 20 years ago my ring was £350 and that was a huge amount to a couple of students. It's an aquamarine, and a couple of diamonds. All tiny, because we agreed to get top notch stones instead of size, and the blue is gorgeously vivid. And I wear and love it because it is really pretty, and has so much meaning attached. It was never about the money for me, and it isn't for you. I'm pretty sure you'd have loved a similar ring, right?

What matters is firstly the lying, bigging himself up so he can feel the big I am, and in the process making a fool of you. But more than that, I think, is that this is someone who likes the finer things in life for himself, has got into debt for them before, and who earns a really good wage. So effectively he's probably eaten meals that cost at least half of what your ring does. He very definitely has suits that do. And it's your engagement ring. It's a gesture of love and commitment... and he's chosen to penny pinch, and then make out he's done the opposite.

He's chosen to economise on the purchase that is meant to be a symbol of your relationship in a way that strokes his ego, spares his bank balance, but deceives you. And he's milked this for your appreciation and other's admiration for years, up to and including making out that he has to insure it separately, and insisting he needs to get it valued himself. He's wanted the gratitude and romance of a big gesture, while actually being tightfisted. If he'd said, look, do you care if we just pick out something pretty but inexpensive, as it's just a ring and there are more worthwhile uses for big ticket bills, I'm thinking you'd have been fine with that, yes? There are lots of lovely semi-precious stones, after all. But he didn't. He played the big gesture instead.

That doesn't say anything nice about him. It's not about the ring. It's about what this says about who he is.

I certainly wouldn't be able to wear that ring again. To posters saying it's the memory and the fact the OP was happy with it, now all she will see is the lies every time she looks at it. And I'd never buy he didn't know it wasn't diamond. I bet he says this when you confront him about it OP.

Sorry, that should read, He very definitely has suits that cost more.

Sorry you have been lied to op and it’s come out not via DF.

I bought a 1k princess cut diamond off eBay for around £300. I did wonder if it was real so had it checked out in two jellewers. It is real as it has a inclusion in it.

Telling porkies so early on is not a good sign of things to come. I’m sorry

In regards to diamonds, I've only ever had one, my engagement ring. But you always get a certificate with the quality of the diamond listed etc. So your DH will likely be aware it's not real, but he's probably just as embarrassed as you about the attention. My diamond is tiny, yet value wise is worth £1000, so if your wearing a huge rock it would look pretty pricey.

I'm a jeweller and engagement rings do not have to be diamond, some don't even go for a ring, they pick another item of jewellery or a watch sometimes, it's just a token gesture to show your partners love and commitment so the fact it's cubic zirconia makes no difference all that matters is you and your fiancé love each other and are committed.
As for your fiancé not telling you, he probably saw how happy you were and noticed you thought it was real and didn't want to ruin things for you, I doubt he set out to deceive you.

I have a 2.5 carat engagement ring with a double halo in the Art Deco style. People automatically think mine is fake which I quite like, otherwise I’d spend my entire time panicking that I was going to get mugged for it!!! Possibly your husband doesnt really know about diamonds? For example, my BIL got massively knocked on ring in Dubai, he paid 20 and it was worth 5. We had to take it back for him 🙈 At the end of the day, it’s what the ring represents that is most important xx

@Tinksmam you’re entirely missing the point. Have you read the whole thread?

It doesn't matter whether it's diamond or not. He obviously bought it cos he loves you. Mines stainless steel and cost about £10 as I am top afraid to wear expensive jewellery very often. As I'm a bit ham fisted and like to get messy. My hubby's has a small cubic zirconia in it and cost about £30 in the sales. Point is it shows we are married regardless how much it cost. That's what matters most, the fact that you are married to the man you love

agree that it's not about the ring, it's the thought! I'd be absolutely furious! And cringing too at the thought that people realise!
I can't believe he bought you a massive ring you didn't even really want, and lied about it!

Also agree with pp that it won't be worth £300 if that's what he paid for it. I have a 0.26 carat diamond (VSI), it was second hand from ebay, cost us £360, receipt shows it cost £1300 3 years ago!

It doesn't matter whether it's diamond or not. He obviously bought it cos he loves you.

Why do people keep missing the point like this? If he'd bought OP a £300 CZ ring and told her that's what it was, no one would tell her she should be upset or insulted by this (and she'd have got v short shrift from MN if she'd complained!). The issue isn't the ring, it's the lie.

He will know but probably doesn`t really see that it mattered, its big it sparkles, you like it job done.

I bought a gorgeous big chunky ring in the charity shop I used to volunteer in - it cost me £3.50.

I get so many compliments on that ring I can't tell you. Hundreds. Every time I wear it someone makes a 'Love your ring' comment.

I always thought it was 'special' - even though it wasn't gold or precious stones oranything - it was obviously an unusual and unique design as so many people commented on it. The best of costume jewellery - probably quite old, bohemian ... probably (in my imagination) came from the estate of an elderly lady who died and her family donated all her stuff to the charity shop .... yes a very special ring.

Until someone told me it came from New Look! I couldn't believe it, but looked it up online and yep - it's a New Look ring and originally didn't cost that much more than the £3.50 I paid for it!

I still wear it sometimes and still get comments - but in my head it doesn't quite have the same cachet.

Oh bless you! No one cares if it is a diamond or not! Just maybe if someone asks you or somehow it comes up about it being a diamond you can say "doubt it is a diamond, we haven't that kind of money, but I love it anyway!"

I wanted a sapphire for my engagement ring (OH didn't get the hint though so ended up with what I assume are diamonds, but tbh I don't care)

As long as you love it, don't worry about it! I bet its a gorgeous ring!

The issue isn't the ring, it's the lie.

^This

It might well be that DH did not intend to deceive but matters ran away from him. Once you thought it was a diamond and he made the bad decision not to disillusion you and them everyone else thought it was, too and his pride didn’t allow him to admit it wasn’t expensive he was rather in a bind and it was too difficult to admit. You may find he is relived not to have to keep up the pretence.
Go shopping together for a ring you do like that will complement your wedding ring. Decide on a budget before hand.
Actually you get much better value ( and often workmanship) from second hand jewellery. Why not go to a big antiques fair ( for top value) or browse local antiques fairs. If you like that sort of thing, it makes for pleasant days out.
I agree with others above that you approach the matter on the basis that you know he lied and want to know why. Don’t prevaricate or he may feel pressured to continue lying to avoid a row etc

It’s not about the ring. It’s about the lie. I’d be gutted. But I would want to know why he lied. And I’d probably never wear it again as it would remind me of the lie. But see a jeweller first.