Fake engagement ring

[Poppy1324]

I got engaged 2 years ago and married a year ago, my engagement ring is huge, very eye catching and gets lots of attention. A few people have commented about how much it must have cost and people have said it’s 2 carat at least, my husband has always said it is a diamond and made comments about how much it set him back.

Several people have said it’s worth a fortune and I’ll have to get it insured, my husband agreed and said he’ll have to do it and he will give receipt to insurance so I don’t see how much he spent. A few weeks ago someone said it must be 15-20k worth of diamond! Now we don’t have that kind of money so I assumed they must be mistaken and put it out of my mind, then last weekend I was at a dinner and a friends husband who’s a jeweller noticed the ring made a huge fuss of it,his wife compared her ring which was half the size and then they chatted quietly to each other looking at the 2 rings and looked at me with what I can only describe as mixture of sympathy and confusion as they gave it back.

I probably shouldn’t have done this but it’s been playing on my mind, I know the name of the store so I just looked it up, found the exact ring and it’s cubic zirconia, it’s still lovely and it is expensive although obviously not 15k expensive.

I don’t have expensive things, never have, it’s always made me cringe the thought he has spent so much on a ring, it felt wrong when we have struggled for money and we have friends and family around us struggling to make ends meet. Although I was obviously happy to be engaged I’m not really the attention seeking type and I’ve always felt embarrassed at the huge amount of attention this ring gets.

I feel a bit uncomfortable now wearing a massive flashy attention seeking fake ring and pretending it’s a diamond, I don’t know much about diamonds, obviously! However other people do and I feel a bit embarrassed to wear it now I know.

I don’t know how much my husband knows about jewellery, perhaps he saw it was sparkly and assumed it was a diamond or more likely he has lied about it this whole time. I have happily worn it for 2 years and I don’t want to upset him or be ungrateful for what is still a lovely and expensive ring.

Do I ask him about it or just carry on wearing it, the majority of people won’t examine it and I’d guess most wont realise so does it really matter anyway.

i told my best friend, I said go on tell me the truth I know it’s pretty obvious you knew didn’t you? I know that was mean of me to put her in that position but we are good friends and have been a long time she was very kind and as tactful as she could be and said not to worry it’s lovely etc but yes she knew it wasn’t a diamond, she said 20k if it was real and she knew he wouldn’t have spent that much, said I would have gone mad if he did, which is true. She has a lot of jewellery has a real interest in it and several diamond pieces so knows what she’s talking about and when I think about it she has said very little about my ring other than being very happy for me about the actual proposal. I’ll nip into a jeweller tomorrow to confirm and I’ll also have a look for a replacement that I actually like and is more practical for day to day, like famousfour says at least that’s the plus side. I feel like a bit of a spoiled brat saying I’m not wearing that £300 ring because it’s not a real diamond but I really am struggling with the deceit and knowing at least one friend figured it has made me feel worse. I’m just not sure of his motives, I didn’t demand a flashy ring, the rings I suggested to his friend were a couple of hundred although I don’t know if the suggestions were passed on, he likes nice things, expensive restaurants nice clothes that kind of thing matters more to him so it doesn’t seem in his character to pass off a cz as a diamond and I would have thought he would worry about getting found out. I’m guessing he had his budget and was shocked how expensive diamonds actually are and thought I would never know the difference anyway and he’s got away with it for 2 years, it’s just not something I could do to deceive like that and fine get me a fake designer handbag but a engagement ring is supposed to mean something, what does a fake ring and a lie straight from the proposal say about the marriage, it does make me wonder what else he would lie about. I’ll get a grip and in the scheme of things there are far worse problems to have I do fully realise this

I don't understand why no one said anything to you. I know I'm a very blunt person, but surely even a reserved friend would have said "I'm so happy for you and the ring is beautiful, but are you happy wearing such a large CZ- wouldn't you have preferred a small real gemstone (diamond or otherwise)". I wouldn't have said it right after the proposal, but if have found a time to gently tell you/ask you. Simply because you're my friend and you're being lied too - not because the ring wasn't pretty.
If I knew my friend had been lied to like this, I'd have to say something.

I just feel so bad for you - these people knew, you've had to keep talking about it when new people notice, your husband has been basking in the glory of people saying he spent a fortune, and you've been left in the dark.

I know how you feel. I had the same from my exH. I didn’t have an engagement ring, just a PPF ring as a wedding ring that he claimed were diamonds and had that same “only diamonds for her” claim.
I now expect it wasn’t only to seem grand, but to pull one over on me. Looking back at all the lies, and how he ended up treating me once we were married, it was clear it also gave him the giggles that I thought they were diamonds. I’m not stupid, but honestly knew little about diamonds and thought they were just bigger but less quality. The stones weren’t so large that I would have thought the ring was in the 10s of thousands. He liked to brag but at least knew he wouldn’t convince anyone he could afford that kind of price.
They ended up being, as I found out years after I divorced him (I’d just stuck the ring in a drawer for years), not CZ but Moissanite. That explained why when I checked online for diamond details, before taking it to a jeweler, that it didn’t have that grayish reflections, but was more brilliant that diamonds shown. Sure enough the jeweler said sorry, they aren’t diamonds, they’re Moissanite but well buy the gold from you.

I am like you. I don’t like flashy jewelry and honestly don’t have diamonds other than pin size ones next to semi precious stones. I don’t wear jewelry that often really. When I do it’s those simple ones or I have fun with costume jewelry. He knew that. It was all for a show and trying to have a laugh. He would ask if I still loved the ring when he saw me cleaning it, then get this odd smile and look on his face.
The only diamonds he bought me was a second anniversary forever pendant on chain and he stole that later in the marriage; it explained why he didn’t steal the wedding band.

The stone type didn’t matter, the lying and “getting one over” of me, and with others probably guessing, did. So did that fact that he obviously thought I wasn’t worth a diamond though he liked to say so.

And yes, it was embarrassing to think back on who might have thought I was lying and again at the jeweler.

And I agree, what else is he lying about? In my case, plenty.

Tell him you know and make sure to explain that you're not discarding it because it's fake but because he lied about it to you.

Tell him that if he had bought it and been honest, you would have treasured it.

As it is, he needs to make serious amends. I'd be so embarrassed. My ring is teeny tiny as it's all we could afford but I love it and though many of my friends have much larger diamonds, to me it's the thought....not the stone.

Confront him with the exact truth of how you found out and why that hurts. He knows your style and that you would have been fine with a simple ring, affordable, etc, so why the huge game?
If you can move on from this, and that’s the only lie he’s told (though big imho), he should take you shopping for one that you like, and put in as much thought and effort as he should have the first time.

@Avasarala I’m a very upfront person, never backward in coming forwards (and know a reasonable amount about diamonds) and even I can’t imagine saying anything like that to even my closest friends about their engagement rings. There’s no way for it to not sound judgmental. I’d be honest if they asked, as OPs friend has been, but I certainly wouldn’t volunteer my thoughts unsolicited.

but are you happy wearing such a large CZ- wouldn't you have preferred a small real gemstone

Can you really not see how unkind it would be to say that? If she was happy to wear it, you’ve just implied she shouldn’t be.

Wouldn't it be something if it turned out to be real?

Wouldn't it be something if it turned out to be real?

Op clearly had no idea either that a diamond of that size would be £10k-£20k... (see I don’t even know I’m just surmising based on the thread).

I think I would be equally thrown if a partner had unilaterally spent money equivalent to a large chunk of a deposit for a mortgage on jewellery, then placed it on my finger without a sniff of insurance.

It isn’t real. Most people who have seen it know this too. It’s humiliating.

I don't think it's even the fact that he lied that's an issue - there are lies and lies

It's the type of lie that it was (ie a self-serving, showing off lie) that would be the issue for me.

I know I'm probably not making this very clear, but I could probably understand a lie if he had bought you a big flashy ring because he knew that's what you wanted and had lied because he didn't want to let you down or disappoint you.

I could also understand a ie if he hadn't initially said it was a diamond but everyone had assumed it was so - because he'd never found the right moment - he'd gone along with bluffing out.

But there's actually something a little more unsettling for me about this lie. He didn't pick a ring to please you, he picked a ring - and lied about it - to make himself look good. His own ego mattered more to him than you getting the engagement ring you liked. He put you in a position that you feel uncomfortable with (with everyone making comments on the big flashy ring) all because he likes the attention. Despite it being a joke further up thread, he has put you in a position where you could easily be a target for mugging/burglary. You had to have your wedding ring cut to accommodate it, meaning that (even if you didn't find out it wasn't real) if you just no longer felt comfortable wearing a ring that drew such attention, you were forced to either wear it forever or also removed your wedding ring. And all of this was a lie just to make himself look good.

Other people have further up thread that the cost or stone in their engagement ring didn't matter to them - that the ring itself was a symbol of their DH's feelings for them. I'm really sorry OP but in your shoes I'd be feeling that the ring symbolised how much my DH cared more about being the centre of attention and "the big I am", than he cared about what I wanted or felt comfortable with.

The lying is a big deal, horrible thing for your H to do. Flashy design/size choice not considerate of your preferences either.

Tesco refused to insure us full stop for building and contents once I rang to add the ring. They gave us a week’s notice to find other insurers

Blimey-did they say why?! They didn’t even say they were happy to continue to insure you but you needed to find someone else to insure the ring itself?

Good luck for the weekend. I would be dreading it.

Who cut the wedding ring to fit it? Surely a jeweler would have picked up on the fact you were cutting a wedding band to fit a cheaper ring at the time? - or is your wedding band fake too?

Appuskidu that’s right! They wouldn’t even continue to insure the building and contents even if I found a separate insurer for the ring. Cue frantic googling and phone calls from me to get cover in time. It’s ludicrous. We are not even talking about a footballer’s wife ring, it’s an 8.24mm diameter round brilliant on a plain band (2.02 carats) so expensive, but there are a lot of people with more expensive jewellery and watches. It’s not as if we have loads of other expensive items either, no fine art, Hermes bags or antiques. I don’t have much “real” jewellery: the two rings, my plain wedding band, 1 carat total diamond studs - 0.5 in each ear, a stainless steel Tanque Francaise, and the rest is silver or high street stuff from Top Shop/H&M etc.
The bloke I questioned on the phone from Tesco didn’t seem sure why but said something about it making us a target, which is hilarious if you saw me, I’m normally in Asda jeans with a drapey top of some kind and a (not designer) leather rucksack. The rings are sparkly but not massive, both are plain platinum bands, one a solitaire and the heirloom is a three stone ring with diamonds under a carat each flanking a coloured gemstone. The only time people ever comment is the nail technicians sometimes if I get my nails done. I got the usual comments after getting engaged of course but don’t count that. They just aren’t that blingy and anyway loads of people now wear big czs so who would assume the solitaire is real.
I wonder if a lot of people just don’t insure their jewellery and don’t disclose it to insurers? It makes me shudder to think, I’m very risk averse and have everything insured for accidental damage and loss, inside and outside the home.

Glitter, the wedding band supplier would simply do as asked, they wouldn't explain about the ring, they'd just assume the op knew and it's none of their business what engagement ring she wore. It may have been her choice as far as they were concerned.

To be honest I wouldn't have said anything either if the op was my friend. I'd have commented and said something like "wow is that real must have cost a fortune if so" to alert her, but left it there.

@SmileyBird
@KirstenRaymonde

If she was my best friend, and every time we're out the ring comes up in conversation with people praising it, with her partner taking all the glory and saying "oh she's worth it" or "it'll be in the family forever" then no, I couldn't just sit there and listen.

I'd have to tell her she's being lied to. Either by saying "he's lieing" outright and as gently as possible or by acting as though she knows the ring is fake and hoping she figures it out when I mentioned CZ. The former would be a better way to do it.

If you know your friend has been lied to so dramatically, how could you just ignore it? She's planning to spend her life with this guy - it's not a small thing.

No matter how close a friend you are, most people would not say anything about a perceived diamond ring being fake surely? No-one in real life wants to go there and have that conversation. I would assume (or pretend to myself that I assumed) that my friend with the flashy ring knows damn well it's not a diamond and move on to another conversation.

@LightDrizzle my jewellery is insured with a company called TH March; perhaps worth looking into? We couldn't and didn't want it to fall under our house insurance. We've used them for 4 years now and have no complaints, although thankfully have never had to make a claim! 😊

Would you be happy to show a picture OP? I'd love to see

I'm also with th march very good

You sound like you’ve got your head screwed on op, but I agree with you the lying is the big thing not what the ring is or isn’t made of.