To think that’s it’s cheeky as fuck to expect other people to fund your skin removal surgery?

[Lactofreechummy]

My friend had gastric bypass surgery last year after really struggling with her weight since childhood.

She has done amazingly well and lost over 11 stones.

Yesterday, I had a notification pop up on facebook.

My friend has set up a page where people can donate money to help fund her skin removal surgery. The target is set at £6,500.

As someone who has also lost a considerable amount of weight (5.5 stones) and also has some extra skin etc, I find it ludicrous to even think of asking for other’s to fund it. I have told my friend this and she said that she couldn’t think of any other way to raise funds quickly enough.

It's cheeky to ask and I wouldn't donate. Perhaps she could use the money she's saving on food to fund a loan. She must have been eating vast amounts to have needed to lose 11 stone so I'm being serious.

If she had lost weight properly whilst exercising and eating right she wouldn't have a load of loose skin. She took the easy route but why should the NHS keep funding her? Her decision to become so fat she now has this issue. No one forced food down her throat.

Sigh. Have you looked at the risk of death from the operation? The severe restrictions on what you can eat post-surgery that means you can never eat "normally" again? It is not an easy route, its a life sentence that some people are driven to. Do you think the NHS would fund it if it was just an easier way to diet?

stormtreader
But there is an easier way to diet. You diet. Having surgery to stop yourself being hungry and eating is the quick fix solution.

For someone to lose 11 stone, that's another adult ffs. They didn't get that way accidentally. They got that way by eating.

"But there is an easier way to diet."

So, sorry - is dieting the easy way to diet, or is the surgery the easy route? You dont sound quite sure?

I’m not a fan of crowdfunding, but the nastiness on this thread about fat people is just disgusting.

Looks like she hasn't thought it through. For a start she should maintain her weight for at least 2 years before considering surgery (I don't think a reputable clinic would operate).

it sounds as though both you and your friend have been through a rough ride. Don't donate if you think it's not worthy, but I wouldn't mind donating to a friend or family member who'd managed to lose 5 or 11 stone after struggling with their weight for so long - gastric bypass surgery is hardly fun, in itself.

As CFs go, this is hardly up there.

It’s not cheeky, it’s a desperate attempt. I wish her nothing but good luck.
OP your post comes across as nasty, what kind of friend are you? The kind that stomps on her when she’s down?

If she had lost weight properly whilst exercising and eating right she wouldn't have a load of loose skin.

That is utter shit.

kitten
Yes I agree, I lost weight ‘properly’ via diet & exercise over a period of time and still have loose skin.

I was just taken aback when I initially saw the page I guess. I honestly don’t think that I could ever have the front to ask others to fund what many perceive as a ‘cosmetic’ operation. Why should they? Obviously it’s all voluntary - no one is forcing your hand but there is a bit of obligation there.

Someone I know set up a crowdfunding page to buy her a house because she had her kids taken off her and she might be able to get them back if she got herself a home for them to live in (I think she'd been staying in hostels). She got one donation of £2!
Has anyone donated to this skin removal fund?

I’ve seen attempts to crowdfund to pay for weddings, and the other side of ‘there’s no harm in asking’ is that people will also feel free to ignore causes they don’t agree with.

Lactofree

If she was asking for a boob job, or a rhinoplasty, yeah, I'd say it was cheeky, but she's lost a huge amount of weight that will have left her with a large amount of excess skin which will have a great impact on her quality of life, much easier to get nasty skin infections, makes exercise way more difficult than if she didn't have it, and could cause psychological problems. It's partially cosmetic, I agree, but there's much more to it than simple vanity.

I'm someone who's used crowdfunding to enable us to buy a physiotherapist device for my child, it's some thing the NHS don't find but has been invaluable to us.
His condition has deteriorated and now we could use another device but I have said no to crowdfunding again as it seems cheeky.

In an entirely selfish note, I wouldn't want the NHS to fund skin removal surgery, they can't/won't fund a drug that could change my son's life, from a disease he has no control over so I don't personally see why they should fund things that are caused by personal choice but I know IA probably BU ams it's caused by my own circumstances,

@lactofreechummy

It took me 10 seconds of googling to find this woman.

I think you should ask to have this thread taken down, coz it's extremely unfair to OUT her on mumsnet.

What a lot of vile comments about overweight people. If you have a look at the science, it's virtually impossible to lose weight and keep it off. If it was as simple as some people are making out on here, no one would be overweight.

What no one actually knew was that she'd been assessed as "able" to walk by her OT, in fact told she needed to walk to maintain her muscles, and that it wasn't something she needed, it was something she wanted (I was involved in her care at one stage). A big difference. She bought it off one of those god awful disability sales door to door salespeople, and wasn't remotely suitable for her as she couldn't use it independently... defeating the purpose of giving her independence. She's now got a charity to fund another, that is purpose built and made to measure (she's around 25 stone) and they are paying about £12k for it. All for someone who doesn't actually need it. It's horrific.

You clearly have very little clue about disability. Lots of OT's will find that people miraculously don't need wheelchairs. It is extremely hard to get funding for them even if you are profoundly disabled. And many people who are still very disabled can walk a little and are encouraged to move where they can. Doesn't mean they don't need a chair for going out for long stretches. I can walk a bit. I use a chair in places like supermarkets because otherwise I end up in severe pain. Doesn't mean I don't still try to walk to keep my legs moving.

It's extremely easy to be judgemental when you aren't walking in someone else's shoes.

FWIW I am on the lady's side. Nothing wrong with crowdfunding the money. You sound very spiteful OP. And outing her on here is pretty disgusting

If you don't want to donate then don't, there will be people that are willing to.

A lot of excess skin could be very uncomfortable, so not just cosmetic.

Skin removal isn't really just cosmetic surgery. Plenty of people have told you about the infection risk from loose skin.

Obesity isn't about personal choice or weakness. It's an illness. 5% of people who lose a significant amount of weight keep it off. Are they all greedy/lazy/stupid?

We live in an obesogenic environment where food companies are allowed to pump foods full of sugar and sweeteners which are as good as addictive for many

@Lactofreechummy - in fairness, she isn’t expecting people to fund this surgery - she is asking them - there is a real difference between the two, IMO.

If she were hassling people, or trying to ‘name and shame’ those who chose not to donate, she’d be a complete cheeky fucker, but if all she’s done is to set up the page and ask her friends, then I don’t think she’s done anything that wrong.

I have got a lot of weight to lose, and I know I will need surgery to remove the loose skin, when I succeed in getting my weight down - I am actually scared that I will feel worse about my body after I lose the weight than I do now - and that is pretty bad, to be fair.

I think she’s done the right thing asking for crowd funding. It’s hard enough to lose weight, the NHS unfortunately cannot afford the skin surgery.

We do have a fat shaming mentality in this country, it’s nasty and ignorant.

Good on her for having the confidence to do this. Most would be too shy or worried about the potential for fat shaming to set up a crowdfunding page for this. Those saying she could borrow the money etc need to realise that not everyone is able to get a loan. I would rather a friend asked for money for something like this than asking me to donate for them doing their umpteenth 10K etc. You can ignore it if you don’t want/can’t afford to donate x

I'm genuinely surprised people are so aggressively opposed to crowdfunding.

We live in a time where it's difficult to make ends meet, and public services are being slashed to the ground. In they environment, communities come together and offer what support and assistance they can. If a person needs something - regardless of what it is - why shouldn't they ask their community for help? It isn't a demand. Nobody is compelled to help if they don't want to. It's just a way of sharing a burden among those who might want to see it lightened.

I've donated to various crowdfunders set up by my friends - for textbooks, university fees, rent when the person had been ill for some time. Every time it's been because I have been lucky enough to have some spare cash to offer, and because using that spare cash to ease someone else's suffering or stress was the right thing to do.

I've also ignored plenty of crowdfunders, when the cause didn't appeal to me or where I wasn't in a position to donate. But even when I don't donate for any reason, it doesn't occur to me to think the whole concept of crowdfunding is vile or cheeky or inappropriate.

@catspaws I don't get why people have such an issue with crowdfunding either. People don't have to give if they don't want to. And as I said, it's cruel and mean to out someone on here. People only have to google for 5 or 10 seconds to find out this woman's identity! (That's all it took me to find her!) Poor woman.