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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that going for a first trimester abortion was seen like have a tooth out?

477 replies

QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 11:26

Without all the societal guilt and judgement heaped upon women?
I really wished it was viewed as a bog standard procedure, I’m sure women would feel a lot more in control of their reproductive health if it was.

OP posts:
Turnocks34 · 27/03/2018 18:38

I don’t think the two are comparable but there shouldn’t be the stigma in termination there is now.

I had an abortion at 18, about 6 weeks in. Didn’t upset me then, doesn’t upset me now. It was an easy decision to make for myself personally and not one I have ever regretted. I barely think about it to be honest.

BertrandRussell · 27/03/2018 18:47

"So you recognise that many womens lives are destroyed with quilt and regret from having an abortion but think its should be made much easier to do?" I don't actually recognise that at all. Do you recognise that some women's lives are destroyed by having a baby that they don't want and can't care for?

ConstantReminder · 27/03/2018 18:49

women aren’t life support machines
Correct - machines don’t have the capacity or requirement to make moral, ethical or medical judgements over life and death issues - both at the beginning and the end of life.

headstone · 27/03/2018 18:50

I'm not sure what the OP wants really, scientifically the embryo isn't just a bundle of the mothers old cells. Should medical text books be re/written so that they say up until the baby is born it is just an old bundle of the mothers cells until a miracle happens at birth and a human being pops out?

FleurDelacoeur · 27/03/2018 18:51

It should be normalised and women who wish to end a pregnancy shouldn't be made to feel guilty for choosing that path. I am very pro-choice.

But on the other hand it IS a big deal, which should be carefully considered and not done lightly.

Viviennemary · 27/03/2018 18:52

You are at liberty to view it any way you like. But YABU to expect other people to share your views.

Mightymucks · 27/03/2018 18:56

I don’t think there is really stigma about abortion anymore. I don’t think people discuss it any more than they would any other kind of gynae medicine procedure, but I don’t think it’s stigmatised.

I think it’s much more stigmatised to have children in unsuitable circumstances than it is to have an abortion.

feelinggoodinspring · 27/03/2018 18:58

You are at liberty to view it any way you like. But YABU to expect other people to share your views.

I think pro lifers should follow that advice. They should stop ramming their views down people's throats and stop protesting outside abortion clinics. Not everyone is going to share their views and they need to accept that.

BertrandRussell · 27/03/2018 18:58

I think the OP means (sorry OP-please chastise me if I'm wrong) that a first trimester should be regarded by all concerned as a medical procedure with no moral judgements attached. That the woman concerned is entitled to feel anything she wants to feel in a spectrum from relief to profound regret, but that nobody else has any right to impose or express any emotional response at all. Any more than they would for a tooth extraction. The woman concerned can have emotional involvement. Nobody else.

cherryontopp · 27/03/2018 19:00

Im on the fence..

..a woman has the right to choose whether or not to continue with the pregnancy, her body, her child

..but having multiple abortions because they cant/won't take precautions is stupid.

It would be hard to find statistics on women who do the latter as how maby would admit it?
A friend of mine had 4 abortions cos she was ''crap at remembering the pill" who of course told everyone else it was a contraception failure.

YourWanMajella · 27/03/2018 19:05

I just don't see why I need to pretend it's not the start of a human when it is

In your opinion. Not in mine, not in lots of peoples.

BertrandRussell · 27/03/2018 19:09

"..but having multiple abortions because they cant/won't take precautions is stupid."

I agree. Do you think it would be better if she had multiple babies?

BertrandRussell · 27/03/2018 19:11

"I just don't see why I need to pretend it's not the start of a human when it is"

You don't have to. And you don't have to have an abortion. What you can't do is stop someone else's from having one.

headstone · 27/03/2018 19:14

Yourwanmajella you are perfectly entitled to consider the embryo or foetus to be whatever you like. You can think it's an old tooth or a baby unicorn whatever really. That's the point of this thread. The OP is bu to suggest that everyone should consider aborting the human embryo the equivalent as removing an old tooth.

headstone · 27/03/2018 19:15

I would never stop someone else having one tbh this is not what the thread is about huh.

YourWanMajella · 27/03/2018 19:18

The OP is bu to suggest that everyone should consider aborting the human embryo the equivalent as removing an old tooth

You didn't understand the OP, it would seem

Ladiesfirst · 27/03/2018 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mum2oneStepmum2two · 27/03/2018 19:23

Does anyone have any data on women who ‘use termination as contraception?
Is this just anecdotal?

I used to work as a receptionist nearly 20yrs ago in a particular clinic that girls and women would come to for this. We had regulars. Like, first name “oh hiya, not seen you for a few months, how have you been? Oh, you were single for a bit? Not anymore then I take it” kind of basis. These people made me sick. I was only there to pay for training for my career in something totally unrelated and needed the money - I left because it upset me so much. Some girls would leave it right til the last day they could and say that it was because they were trying to get their boyfriend to stay with them by using the fact they were pregnant! Didn’t work so they “got rid” of said baby. Broke my heart!
I am all for right to choose. I think terminations have their place, absolutely. I had one a few years ago for my own reasons, but it was definitely not like a trip to the dentist. For me, I cried my eyes out for days. It was the best decision for me and even the baby at the time. Since having my son and now being pregnant again, I still think it was the right decision but I couldn’t help but shed a tear when my son was born, for the baby that I chose to never meet.
I just could never compare it to a tooth extraction! But everyone is different and everyone has their own opinions and is entitled to them!
However I saw first hand the women and girls who use abortions as contraception. There are more than you think!!!!!!! They don’t even take a backwards glance or second thought.

Viviennemary · 27/03/2018 19:25

Why does the OP want everyone else to share her views?

YourWanMajella · 27/03/2018 19:27

Why does the OP want everyone else to share her views?

She wants everyone to not judge or guilt or shame anyone for having an abortion.
Why wouldnt' she want, and expect, everyone to share her views?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 27/03/2018 19:28

There is a small minority of religious women who think a fertilised egg is sacred and they push their hand wringing opinion onto other women who have no issue taking a pill and aborting an embryo. This abortion shaming can cause a lot of grief to them. If those people with 'beliefs' stopped making others feel guilty for the valid life choices they have made then we would be a more tolerant and less angst ridden society.

So yes you might have negative moral judgements about people having teeth out or no shame abortions but keep them to yourself, its none of your business whether I go to the dentist or the doctor.

YourWanMajella · 27/03/2018 19:28

However I saw first hand the women and girls who use abortions as contraception. There are more than you think!!!!!!!

There are none. There can be none, ever. You don't understand the word contraception do you?

Sleeplikeasloth · 27/03/2018 19:29

It's neither a baby that early on, or a bunch of cells (well no more than you or I are also a bunch of cells). It's an embryo and then a fetus. Of course its alive, it's a stupid thing to say it's not. It's growing. It has (often) a heartbeat. It is developing and parasitic, but of course its alive. If it was dead, there'd be no need for the abortion would there.. And of course its human. Its not a donkey or a pot plant in there, its dna is very bit as human as ours. Therefore it is human life, and a specific human life (with unique dna). That's not to say that it's graduated to 'human being' or 'baby', but to pretend that it's not alive, is as naive as thinking your steak was never alive, just because it makes it harder to eat.

YourWanMajella · 27/03/2018 19:33

Of course its alive, it's a stupid thing to say it's not

It's neither legally nor biologically alive. It's not stupid to say so, its simple fact.

ConstantReminder · 27/03/2018 20:05

There is a lot of venom coming over from some posters about some people who are anti abortion apparently because of their religious reasons (though not posters actually give religion as a reason for the views they hold). Some are being accused of ‘ramming their views’ down peoples throats.
If so, the same can be said about people who ram the view down peoples throat that abortion is ‘nothing’ and should be available to anybody, any number of times without question.

Thankfully decisions on our abortion laws are shaped following discussions and debates by scientists (medics), ethic committees and our elected law makers. It’s the only way we can be assured that we are not subject to the demands of either extreme.