Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that going for a first trimester abortion was seen like have a tooth out?

477 replies

QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 11:26

Without all the societal guilt and judgement heaped upon women?
I really wished it was viewed as a bog standard procedure, I’m sure women would feel a lot more in control of their reproductive health if it was.

OP posts:
Chienrouge · 28/03/2018 08:46

To be honest, the actual procedure for me was fairly quick and extremely professionally handled. The staff at the BPAS clinic treated me kindly and professionally. I already had a 2 year old, a 5 month old, was EBF and was on the pill. I’d also been seriously seriously ill after the birth of my second child. Another baby for us at that time would have been disastrous.
I’ve still never told another soul IRL bar DH, for fear of judgement.

Mydoghatesthebath · 28/03/2018 08:49

Yes because so so many women trap poor men into pregnancy and then have abortion after abortion when the man fucks off!!!!

Yes I know so many women who do this!

Oh and yes the women who use abortion as a form of contraception. Loads of them around.

What a load of old bollocks

StickThatInYourPipe · 28/03/2018 08:51

Mmm I wouldn’t go round telling everyone I had had a tooth removed in the same way I wouldn’t tell everyone if I had had an abortion.

Chienrouge · 28/03/2018 08:55

No, but I wouldn’t deliberately keep a tooth extraction a secret, and worry about people’s reactions if they found out.

Justmyownself · 28/03/2018 08:57

You are BVVU.

First of all "reproductive health" is an oxymoron when used as a reason for having an abortion.

Only a vanishingly small number of abortions are carried out for medical reasons. The majority are lifestyle choices.

You cannot get pregnant accidentially, you have to have sex first!, so abortions (excluding medical grounds) are completely unnecessary.

Chienrouge · 28/03/2018 09:00

^ kind of proves my point.

Thingvellir · 28/03/2018 09:03

I agree OP that the stigma needs to go, there should not be judgement as the vast majority of women electing for terminations do not take the decision lightly, but take it personal/emotional cost because it is pragmatically the best option. They deserve compassion as a PP said. It's a matter of respecting women, judging them is a lack of respect and compassion.

I would never have an abortion myself, but absolutely do not judge those who do, and very recently supported a friend through her termination. You can be pro choice even if it would not be your personal choice.

TammyWhyNot · 28/03/2018 09:07

It wasn’t the anti-abortion campaigners I had difficulty with (yes, they were by the gate when they went in) , people are entitled to their belief, and if you do view it as absolutely morally wrong, then it must be hard to just let others get on with it. I feel the same absolute conviction about torture, FGM, the death penalty.

But I had a problem with the narrative that termination is ALWAYS a trauma and women always suffer emotional and psychological damage.

I did not. It was a huge relief. I haven’t looked back. Now years later in stable nurturing circumstances with a little clutch of Dc I am even more glad I wasn’t obliged to become a mother before I chose to.

Chienrouge · 28/03/2018 09:15

I did not. It was a huge relief. I haven’t looked back

Yes. I was traumatised by the pregnancy, not by the termination. The termination was a relief. The constant narrative that women always find them traumatic makes me feel guilty that I didn’t find it traumatic.

Mydoghatesthebath · 28/03/2018 09:21

just

Honestly really do you think women should be forced to give birth to unwanted babies?

Do you look with glee to a future of thousands of babies put into care? Women dying from back street abortions? Rape and insert victims forced to carry and give birth?

Hideous just hideous

Justmyownself · 28/03/2018 09:27

Mydog

What part of "you can't get pregnant accidentially" are you struggling with?

Chienrouge · 28/03/2018 09:30

What part of "you can't get pregnant accidentially" are you struggling with?

If you didn’t get in a car, you’d never be in a car accident. Does that mean that people who have been in a car accident shouldn’t be allowed medical treatment?

Louiselouie0890 · 28/03/2018 09:35

Why only first trimester?

Justmyownself · 28/03/2018 09:37

Chien

An abortion isn't medical treatment. It is a lifestyle choice. Your analogy is nonsense.

Lizzie48 · 28/03/2018 09:38

@Justmyownself yes you can, contraception isn't guaranteed to work, as you must surely know. A lot of pregnancies are unplanned, though not all of them are unwanted. And what about pregnancies that are the result of rape or incest, they're not terminations for medical reasons but they can hardly be called a 'lifestyle choice'.

And medical reasons could also cover the woman's mental health, as is stipulated in the 1967 Act.

ghostyslovesheets · 28/03/2018 09:42

ahhhh the good old women should not have sex unless for procreation argument - could you BE anymore 1900's

god forbid women have sex for enjoyment - have a contraceptive failure and don't want to be pregnant - the filthy sex loving harlots - not only should they be forced to have a baby they don't want - we should send them to work in laundries or something ...

BertrandRussell · 28/03/2018 09:43

Just-are you saying that people should only have sex when they are intending to conceive?

HoneyBadger32 · 28/03/2018 09:45

It can be a life changing experience for those who want it to be that, it being easily accessible doesn't affect your own psyche and would benefit those who don't wish to view it as a monumental decision

YourWanMajella · 28/03/2018 10:32

You cannot get pregnant accidentially, you have to have sex first!, so abortions (excluding medical grounds) are completely unnecessary

What the fuck are you wittering about?

Justmyownself · 28/03/2018 11:03

It's not 1900 thinking to say that you MUST take responsability for your decisions.

Contraception isn't fail safe. They state that on every packet of condoms and every other method of birth control.

They're no excuses for an unwanted pregnancy. Rape resulting in pregnancy is astonishingly rare.

So I stand by my statement.

People just dont want to admit that they have to be responsible for anything.

Justmyownself · 28/03/2018 11:04

Yourwan.

You cannot have sex accidentially. What's so difficult to understand about that?

YourWanMajella · 28/03/2018 11:07

You cannot have sex accidentially. What's so difficult to understand about that?

You can have it against your will, but thats not actually the point.

You can get pregnant accidentally, even though you willingly had sex. Whats so difficult to understand about that?

Justmyownself · 28/03/2018 11:26

Yourwan.

In order to get pregnant one of three thi gs has to happen.

You have sex.

You undergo some form of artifical conception, IVF, donor insemination ect.

You get raped.

The first two ARE choices you make. The latter is something which is forced upon you.

None of the above are accidents.

An accident is an incident which happens by chance, without deliberate action or cause.

"Without deliberate" is the key phrase.

You choose to have sex. You choose to undergo fertility treatment. And repe is something another person chooses.

None of the above are accidents.

mummypeepee · 28/03/2018 11:33

Yanbu 😡 I’m very pro choice but having a mild toothache removes vs terminating a potential life? I think you are both unreasonable and disrespectful

BlindAssassin1 · 28/03/2018 11:37

Some of the attitudes on this thread are horrifyingly misogynistic.

In my area at least terminations are as easy as getting dental treatment. In fact I would say the latter is harder to access, dental practices being shut, professionalism at a low, whereas pregnancy choices services are much better handled.

However, I would never like this comparison to be part of a wider narrative. I understand the sentiment, that access to abortions should be a smooth process, but I can well imagine that it could be used to coerce vulnerable women into making a choice she might now want. "Don't worry about it, its as easy as getting a tooth out".