I'll try to be concise, just after some reassurance im not AIBU?
Back story:
So my DB has been with his now fiance for 8+ years and engaged for 5. They have a child who is 18months and are due to marry in August this year.
My DB is 7yrs older than me and up until he met the fiance we were very close considering the age gap. Only when he was at Uni and when i was at uni did we not really make contact - too much partying.
Since she came into the picture, i did try very hard with her initially but didn't get anywhere. I'd ask how she was, what had she been up to, how was work, etc. I soon grew tired of making 110% of the effort and gave up after 2-3+ years. I cottoned on early on there isn't much between the ears and she had gone through a handful of jobs in that time, claiming bullying, didn't like it and generally sponging off my DB.
Fast forward to now. I have nothing or very little to do with my DB, i have made it clear to him as things have progressively got worse with the fiance, that i would prefer it if i only saw him (and now niece). Basically, so i don't upset the precious one and then get it in the neck myself.
I happen to be staying at my DM's on Friday whist she is away. My DB has not met my dogs and i thought it would be nice for my niece to meet them. So, I have invited DB and my niece over. I have two dogs - one calm and gentle, the other energetic and excitable, both love children and of course will never be left with my niece alone. My DB's fiance did not like the old family dog and made it clear buy shooing her away. Luckily, the feeling was mutual and the dog stayed well clear... (whats that saying about always trust a dog's instincts...) I have made it clear to my DB that if you're not a dog person you will not like my energetic and excitable dog. I've not actually met anybody who didn't like her - she is a lovely girl but high maintenance and is going to obedience classes! We have made a lot of progress in the two years we have had her since we picked her up as a pup from the rescue centre.
He has asked why i hadn't extended the invite to the fiance. I explained again - dogs. I said if she did want to come then ok, but be aware if you're not a dog person, etc. I also explained my DM will be looking after my two dogs in June for 4 days whilst we go away for a week and she may need assistance with the dogs and it might be nice if he met them before June. She won't, but it thought a good excuse.
I have explained on many occasions to him that whenever i have met his fiance. I feel i am made out to be the baddy despite going out of my way to be nice. I never get anywhere so i made the decision a few years back i wouldn't have anything to do with her as it only caused more upset for everybody but mainly myself. It got to the point where i wouldn't say anything for fear of upsetting her - i was then told off for joining in. I would then join in and ask how she was only to be told off again. So you see i cannot win.
Am i right to not want her to meet my dogs? She'll only make a big deal of my energetic and excitable one and i have to say with pregnancy hormones running wild i don't think i could or would refrain myself from unleashing a shed load of verbalness at her.
Aside from this - im due in August. I live in a narrowboat. When baby is born - am i AIBU to not want her to meet my baby? Dogs will be on my narrowboat, space is limited.
I just feel like i'd be a hypocrite. I'm going to teach my child as i was taught. If i didn't want to do something and had a genuine reason and could explain it then i shouldn't feel forced to do something for the sake of the 'family'... Why should i put myself through it?
Am i being totally AIBU?
I could say alot more about the fiance, but am not sure if she uses this MN and it would be outing. The stuff i have said is the least outing. She is viscous and manipulative.