Were they rude or was I expecting too much?

[KnowYourOnions]

Friends visited this weekend. They were here Friday to Sunday and obviously we provided all meals etc, including a take away (which they knew about in advance). They didn’t offer to contribute towards the take away, didn’t offer help with any of the cooking/tidying up after meals and they didn’t bring anything at all as a thank you.

Obviously I won’t say anything but am I being totally unreasonable to feel a bit miffed? I would always take something if I were staying with someone and pitch in with stuff that needed doing.

Love your onions - choose your friends more wisely.

I don't think yabu.

But I know that some people just do not think like this. They an invite as just that and it doesn't cross their mind to reciprocate in anyway.

Just to be clear, I would have said no to help and not to worry about paying towards the take away. I’ve checked the wording of my text which said “shall we get a take away?” Whenever we’ve done take aways at each other’s houses (or anyone else’s house) we’ve always split the cost.

There were opportunities for them to pay for coffee and cake while we were out but that was ignored. I feel really petty now. I’ll allow myself a bit of grumbling time then forget it.

We have homes in two popular holiday destinations so we entertain a LOT. We have found that people are overwhelmly helpful, generous and grateful - they bring gifts (we currently have a cupboard with 4 unopened bottles of gin donated by guests not to mention several cases of wine) , help out with cooking and chores and bedmaking, buy meals out, send flowers afterwards etc. One guest who broke an Ikea wine glass (no problem, they cost about 70p and we have loads) sent a box of crystal champagne flutes as a combined thank you and apology. In contrast your guests sound unappreciative and ungracious. Don't invite them again.

Incredibly rude. Not even a bunch of daffs?

i would never behave like that as a guest, NO WAY. its common sense and manners.

I've had the same.

A couple and their four (once five) children.

I cooked every meal, full breakfast etc not that I minded, but like you, an offer of help would have been appreciated.

Then when we (dh and i) went yo stay with them they told me all the ingredients were in the fridge for a full cooked breakfast as they loved mine so much last time they hoped I could cook it.

and I did too... even just to prove to myself I wouldn't lower myself to their freeloading standards.

We're no longer friends- but it wasn't due to this!

Why, obviously? What are the usual arrangements between you?

Sorry, appreciate that not everyone does the same thing. Usually I’d provide all meals at home for guests, they’d pay for their own food if we went out and we’d split the cost of a take away.

Whenever we are someone's guests for a few days we always arrive with flowers/wine etc and at some point during the weekend take everyone out for dinner or pub lunch, whichever fits round our host's plans. It's about showing appreciation.

My DH has an old college friend who frequently invites himself to stay with his family (5 people in total), often for convenience if they are flying from the airport 10 miles from our home. He is very tight-fisted and never brings anything or offers to pay for meals, etc. My DH laughs it off but I'm pretty fed up with it now and I think next time I will be inventing an excuse not to have them

I would have contributed by paying for the full takeaway. It's only polite.

I’d have loved a £1 bunch of daffs amIthatbloodycold.

Maybe there will be something in the post. Hopefully I’ll have to eat my words!

You're not being petty, they have been ungrateful and lazy. As MN wisdom suggests, they are showing you who they are. I'd not bother with them again unless as part of a larger group organised by other friends.

unless it is recipricol its rude. to turn up without flowers /wine or even a box of malteasers is low

Wow, they are super rude. Wouldn't be hosting them again.

I'd have offered to pay for the full takeaway (and probably insisted). If it was an occasional sort of visit (rather than a more regular thing) I hope I'd have remember to take flowers or something. And I'd have said thank you on the way out & texted to reiterate when I got home.
They lack manners.

Invite yourselves round to their house for a weekend and do the same to them...!

I think that’s incredibly rude.

We take ( for full weekends, or a similar 2/3 night stay) a present for the hostess, flowers, wine and something homemade ( jam, cake,chocolates etc). And we would have paid for the full takeaway.

Then, on arrival home I would have written a nice card thanking them for their hospitality.

WHYpeople think it’s ok to rock up at someone’s house with nothing or a cheap bottle of wine and expect to be fed, watered and entertained for a weekend makes me think that these sort of people don’t deserve to be invited anywhere.

Unless you received the afore mentioned thank you card with gift voucher in it I wouldn’t be inviting them round again.

Not unreasonable.
Our friends would go halves on the takeaway and bring a bottle / flowers or similar.
They'd help washing up and cooking over the course of a weekend.

I would imagine that's the norm for most.

I think they were really rude. Fancy hanging around watching you work, I'd have been livid!

Hope you don’t invite them again.

(Ex) friends of our came on holiday with us for a week, staying with us saved them about £1500 in accommodation. We split the bill evenly in every restaurant, when they went home they barely even said thank you. In their position I would have arrived with wine &made sure we took them out & paid for the best dinner of the holiday. We don’t see them anymore, I don’t want to be friends with people that use us.

Definitely rude but tbh I wouldn’t expect guests to pay towards a take away because it would be more to save me cooking if I’m hosting.
If you have always shared the cost of takeaways before though why didn’t you add it up and say yours comes to X amount when it became clear they weren’t going to be forthcoming with their share?

I'd feel ashamed to act like that.. I would at least offer to help out or contribute especially when having a takeaway - I can't believe some would think it's custom for the host to pay if they are happy to and suggest it then fair enough but to expect it I feel is quite rude.

Unfortunately some people lack manners and behave quite entitled.

If you have always shared the cost of takeaways before though why didn’t you add it up and say yours comes to X amount when it became clear they weren’t going to be forthcoming with their share?

I assumed that they’d given the money to dh and only found out at bedtime that they hadn’t. Maybe I should have just asked them the next day but I didn’t want it to be awkward. I thought they’d be leaving something when they went but then that didn’t happen.

How did you end up paying for the coffee and cake too?