DH screaming at me while im on toilet

[SquashFeet]

We had friends around last night for drinks. Two of our toilets are out of use at the minute so I had to use the downstairs "cloakroom" toilet. It's down the hall from the living room so not ideal. Anyway I went to have a wee and DH starts screaming "turn the fucking tap off" - everyone roared with laughter, I was modified. Came back in living room and made light of it but quietly said to DH not to show off and embarrass me like that. The next time I went to toilet he screamed "there's a leak! The bathroom is flooding!". Everyone was in stitches when I came back in and I said enough was enough and to change the record so he said (in front of everyone) "well Christ, why do you piss like an elephant?" I was so embarrassed. Today his family are coming around for dinner and DH says he's going to continue with the waterfall, Tap, leak, tsunami jokes until I piss quieter and not like a docker. I'm so modified and embarrassed I can't even face them coming. He's being such a cock and I don't know why.

I don't actually see why anyone would comment on toilet sounds at all. We all have to relieve ourselves, why make an issue of it if you're no longer in the playground??

He's an abusive arse hole. Your guests are arse holes, too for laughing a long with him.

What's he like when he hasn't got an audience.

For God's sake it's just a joke.

No being abusive (and it is abusive, be littling someone) is under no circumstances whatsoever in the remotest bit funny.
ARe you the not so "d"h

i would say in front of everyone, you never complain when im pissing on your face infact you seem to get off ob it the harder i piss.

how dare he do this to you.

If you put toilet roll down the loo first in muffles the sound and doesn't splash.

That will sort out the noisy peeing . .......divorce papers should sort out the husband 🤔

By the way. Your guests would have left and they will have discussed what an absolute knobhead your husband with. Guaranteed. Most people just don't behave like that.

Shame the OP hasn’t returned

I think we've all been sucked into a trolling thread and the OP won't be back.

Hopefully she’s at the solicitor organising her divorce papers. Sometimes it takes writing this stuff down to realise it’s stuff you shouldn’t have to put up with it.

I would be tempted to put a massive jug of water in the loo - at least 3l and half an hour before I needed to go, have a pretend wee with that, pouring from a great height.

Yes, this. Accompanied with random grunts.

You've all fallen for the toilet troll, I think.

Ask him how his depth charge was when he goes for number 2?

In all seriousness what he has done is embarrassing and hurtful given that you’ve asked him to stop and he hasn’t. Ask him if he’s even considered your feelings the selfish arse!

I suspect too we've fallen for a fake thread,which kind of makes me think op has a f*ed up sense of humour.....

I suspect too we've fallen for a fake thread

I started thinking that about five minutes after I posted. Honestly, some people have no lives at all.

It was identified as a troll thread on Reddit about 8 minutes after if was posted.... (25 Mar 2018 14:18:21).

GerdaLovesLili someone there suspected this may be another poster under a name change who keeps posting about the same issue. Regardless, it would be polite if the op came back to clarify a few things or at least update those who have genuinely replied with advice and sympathy.