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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH screaming at me while im on toilet

141 replies

SquashFeet · 25/03/2018 14:10

We had friends around last night for drinks. Two of our toilets are out of use at the minute so I had to use the downstairs "cloakroom" toilet. It's down the hall from the living room so not ideal. Anyway I went to have a wee and DH starts screaming "turn the fucking tap off" - everyone roared with laughter, I was modified. Came back in living room and made light of it but quietly said to DH not to show off and embarrass me like that. The next time I went to toilet he screamed "there's a leak! The bathroom is flooding!". Everyone was in stitches when I came back in and I said enough was enough and to change the record so he said (in front of everyone) "well Christ, why do you piss like an elephant?" I was so embarrassed. Today his family are coming around for dinner and DH says he's going to continue with the waterfall, Tap, leak, tsunami jokes until I piss quieter and not like a docker. I'm so modified and embarrassed I can't even face them coming. He's being such a cock and I don't know why.

OP posts:

retirednow · 25/03/2018 15:51

Put some paper down the toilet before you wee, dont tell anyone when you are going to the toilet, if he does try and humiliate you just ask him why he feels the need to behave like a baby and show off in front of his parents, if you get on well with them have a quiet word with his mum, that usually does the trick. I am guessing he stands up when he wees so that everyone can hear it.

EdmundCleverClogs · 25/03/2018 15:53

falsepriest I have to agree. Must be something in the water...

How is this a recent issue? He must have ‘heard’ you before this, why is it now that you’ve both (somehow ) broken two other toilets that he has a problem?

Viviennemary · 25/03/2018 15:55

SkaPunkPrincess · 25/03/2018 16:01

Strong pelvic floor muscles from having to squeeze so hard to make sure you can feel something when he fucks you. 😂

DietCokeGirrrrrl · 25/03/2018 16:02

What a horrible man. A nice person just wouldn't do that.

SunnyTikka · 25/03/2018 16:07

What a nasty little man he is.

Now, I am a bit peculiar in that I think toilet habits are personal. For example, I would never be one of those who shares a toilet with a friend etc. I also hate hearing people on the loo. I would also hate to be heard. So to be technical, I never sit right back on the loo, I put paper down there first, and then sort of wee on the sloping bit (I suppose I am sitting almost on the edge of the toilet)
But that's me.
To draw attention to what someone else is doing is terrible.
What is the rest of your life like with him? I'm wondering if you are not happy and so it's just that he is finding everything about you and your habits is annoying him?
Tough luck for him, eh? He can't control you. Tell his mummy what he did. Humiliation is never right and that's what he did to you. I'd tell him you can't be with those friends again because you are so embarrassed and that's HIS fault.
I bet your friends were so embarrassed too.

expatinscotland · 25/03/2018 16:07

Who would laugh at his so-called jokes? Only someone as big a cunt as he is. I'd use one of Handmaids suggestions. Would tell his family why I'm heading out, too.

Sparklesocks · 25/03/2018 16:08

So mean!
Is he like this about other things? It feels nasty enough that this wouldn’t be an isolated incident..

RainbowGlitterFairy · 25/03/2018 16:14

Cancel his family and send him to them with his bags. The comments would have wound me up but he knows it upset you and has told you he is going to carry on doing it. That's not just being a dick with a terrible sense of humour, it's deliberately setting out to upset you and that is not ok.

Serin · 25/03/2018 16:25

I hate your DH.

GerdaLovesLili · 25/03/2018 16:26

"Two broken toilets would be an extravagance." (With apologies to Lady Whitadder).

Really, you have two broken loos? That is unfortunate.

DairyisClosed · 25/03/2018 16:28

Why are you socialising with people who find that kind of thing funny in the first place?

Ariesgirl1988 · 25/03/2018 16:30

put clingfilm round the toilet when he goes to piss and wait for the reaction see how he likes a "joke" he won't laugh when it goes everywhere failing that reveal something embarrassing about him see how he likes it and because I'm evil next time he tries humiliating you in front of friends I would throw in a joke about how you may piss like an elephant but he can't get it up. He'll be mortified and hopefully learn his lesson.

SimonBridges · 25/03/2018 16:31

He’s a twat.

Why are two of your toilets out of action?

StrangeLookingParasite · 25/03/2018 16:35

DH says he's going to continue with the waterfall, Tap, leak, tsunami jokes until I piss quieter and not like a docker

Because of course it's something you have complete control over

Choose one (or indeed all) of HandmaidsTail phrases. I think my favourite is "that's not piss, that's my soul slowly disintegrating since I married you"

Thequeenisdeadboys · 25/03/2018 16:35

I think that's hilarious ! (sorry) Do the same to him !

mummmy2017 · 25/03/2018 16:40

Find a song and play on your mobile ... loudly... tell anyone who asks it's wee song. As the arse is sitting next to them.

Momo18 · 25/03/2018 16:46

Wow he's vile isn't he, very immature. He's showing off at your expense, a bully basically. I doubt when everyone laughed they actually found him funny, I bet most were that mortified and embarrassed by the situation they laughed out of nervousness. I'd be having serious words as he's massively disrespecting you and his immaturity is revolting.

Don't get me wrong I can be playful and immature with my husband, but we don't humiliate eachother Infront of others to big ourselves up.

quickname · 25/03/2018 16:48

"that's not piss, that's my soul slowly disintegrating since I married you"

THIS^

ButchyRestingFace · 25/03/2018 16:48

In public toilets, I always flush the toilet first and then quickly pee so no-one can hear the noise. You could try that.

However, there's the larger problem about the fact you've married a twat. You're not the first, you won't be the last. It's hard to imagine he's a kind, sensitive partner in every other respect save the fact he likes to humiliate you in front of guests in the most puerile of ways.

SimonBridges · 25/03/2018 16:50

In public toilets, I always flush the toilet first and then quickly pee so no-one can hear the noise.

Why would you do that? Are you really embarrassed that other people who are peeing might hear you peeing?

That said Japanese toilets often come with a button that plays the sound of running water to cover up the sound of pee.

Bluetoo1 · 25/03/2018 16:50

I would think everyone was laughing out of embarrassment.

pinkyredrose · 25/03/2018 16:53

Tell him you would have used the other loos if he hadn't blocked them with his giant shits.

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 25/03/2018 16:54

I bet this isn't the only sign of crappy behaviour from the DH, "jokes" like this don't come from nowhere.

ButchyRestingFace · 25/03/2018 16:54

Why would you do that? Are you really embarrassed that other people who are peeing might hear you peeing?

I would feel self-conscious. We all have our wee peccadillos. 🤷🏻‍♀

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