DH screaming at me while im on toilet

[SquashFeet]

We had friends around last night for drinks. Two of our toilets are out of use at the minute so I had to use the downstairs "cloakroom" toilet. It's down the hall from the living room so not ideal. Anyway I went to have a wee and DH starts screaming "turn the fucking tap off" - everyone roared with laughter, I was modified. Came back in living room and made light of it but quietly said to DH not to show off and embarrass me like that. The next time I went to toilet he screamed "there's a leak! The bathroom is flooding!". Everyone was in stitches when I came back in and I said enough was enough and to change the record so he said (in front of everyone) "well Christ, why do you piss like an elephant?" I was so embarrassed. Today his family are coming around for dinner and DH says he's going to continue with the waterfall, Tap, leak, tsunami jokes until I piss quieter and not like a docker. I'm so modified and embarrassed I can't even face them coming. He's being such a cock and I don't know why.

There is no way on earth I would live with someone so horrible. (And I forgave an affair so I'm hardly a perfectionist).

what a nasty little man
does he usually behave like this ?

I’d be rethinking my marriage, and also my friends. Did they really laugh at his “joke”, or was it just uncomfortable laughter at what a cunt he was being?

What an arsehole@?

lol @TheHandmaidsTail

What a dick. Letting him read this thread might help him see. He’s a wanker.

I would laugh at him and ask if planned on expanding his joke repertoire past primary school level. Just be condescending. He does realise that water hitting water makes a noise, right? It's just wee.
If you feel like you need to wee more quietly for guests, just stick some loo roll down first, flush while going or turn on the taps.
Personally I wouldn't want to hang out with him if he is going to be such a dick and would cancel any plans.

Piss in a glass, vase, bucket. Then tip the lot over his fucking head.
fuck the cleaning bill. it would be worth it.
Make him a cup of tea and piss in that too.
If he is so interested in your excretions, why not weave it into everyday life for him.
Chairs might smell a bit pissy for a while but nothing a bit of elbow grease won't shift. Or just build a bonfire with the piss soaked furnituer and all his belonging.
Film it and post it on here.
How long are you married to this waste of oxygen?

What Twattish behaviour! (You are allowed to put TH, instead of DH :-D )
Does he normally do the 'fixing' around the house? You could embarrass him back next time by saying that at least one of the three toilets works, until he can stop being a 'comedian' and sort the problem ;-)

Why ever did you marry such a bellend? I'm not usually crude at all, but that really is apt. I remember a man I used to work with who used to ask me, 'Did you have a successful download? 50 mil?' I would never in a million years be attracted to someone like that.

Very childish humour basically. Is this a new thing with him or is it a change in personality?

I met someone like this a couple of years ago. He mortified me by coming up to my face after I'd dashed to the loo absolutely bursting for a wee and said "oh, I heard your 'power piss' by the way - nice!"
Still makes me sick to feel he was such a vile bastard.
I chucked him after learning a little more of his frankly ugly personality. And him wanking in his sleep. Twice. And denying it. I occasionally think of him and shudder. Disgusting arsehole. No excuse for that sort of nastiness. Because that's all it is.

Has he really just started being a twat? There was no sign of it before?

Put some loo roll in the toilet first, it will muffle the sound. And while you're peeing quietly, consider whether a few life adjustments are in order, like maybe a divorce?

He sounds like a dickhead.

I think when the family come you go for a peek early on.When you come back if he has made the comment and they've laughed just say,well now we'll see how loud everyone else is shall we.That should stop them in their tracks.

'Why do you piss like an elephant?' Why does he piss like a flea? Is he really that tiny both mentally and physically or is he does he do it in his nappy?

What is wrong with your other toilets?

He sounds like a 12 year old boy trying to get a laugh from his mates in the School playground at a girls expense. How deeply unattractive.

That is appalling behaviour.

Just go out for the day and leave him with his parents.

god what a twat.
Id let someone off if they made a stupid joke once when they were drunk but apologised as soon as they saw it had upset you.
But your husband has not only made a stupid joke hes now doing it deliberately to upset and disrespect you and that is frankly awful.

Id be absolutely livid about this personally.

I had a 12 year old in a 35 year old man's body. for 10 years because I'm stupid

Note the tense.

Trust me. It eats away at your soul.

Wow,he sounds like a10 year old bully,I'd go away out,let him sort dinner for his family. Then tomorrow ask him why he's acting like such an idiot....

Sometimes mumsnet leaves me bewildered. Are there really people who behave in this way? You are married to a complete and utter bellend and quite frankly more fool you for not kicking him straight out last night . What a nasty, pathetic immature twat.

Was he very drunk ? Were your guests also so plastered that they thought it was ok to laugh at something as crass at that rather than be embarrassed for him and make an early and rapid exit ?

What weird behaviour from a man who is supposed to love you!
Why would he want to humiliate you in this way?

Does he do this about other things too?

I suggest cancelling all events at your home for the near future. Eat out with the guests - and at your DP's expense if possible.
Be out when he invites anyone in.

A lovely en-suite hotel room in an expensive place would be just the thing until the bathrooms at your place -and your DP- are properly fixed.

This is proper nasty bullying op and those guests are not your friends.