DH screaming at me while im on toilet

[SquashFeet]

We had friends around last night for drinks. Two of our toilets are out of use at the minute so I had to use the downstairs "cloakroom" toilet. It's down the hall from the living room so not ideal. Anyway I went to have a wee and DH starts screaming "turn the fucking tap off" - everyone roared with laughter, I was modified. Came back in living room and made light of it but quietly said to DH not to show off and embarrass me like that. The next time I went to toilet he screamed "there's a leak! The bathroom is flooding!". Everyone was in stitches when I came back in and I said enough was enough and to change the record so he said (in front of everyone) "well Christ, why do you piss like an elephant?" I was so embarrassed. Today his family are coming around for dinner and DH says he's going to continue with the waterfall, Tap, leak, tsunami jokes until I piss quieter and not like a docker. I'm so modified and embarrassed I can't even face them coming. He's being such a cock and I don't know why.

Pick any one of 'TheHandmaidsTail's suggestions and let us know how you get on.

or

"So, I piss like an elephant do I? Shame you're not hung like one, eh..."

And I'm sorry if this sounds rude,but what if you needed to do more than pee,what on earth would he have to say about that call of nature. How ridiculously controlling and childish of him to make you feel so uncomfortable in your own home.

If I had been there I would have thought he was a dick. And actually as a guest it would have made me feel uncomfortable using the toilet. One time could be a bad joke, but to do it again and then to say he is going to continue doing it, is just bullying behaviour. Really strange. Does he act like a bully in other ways? He doesn't come across well from this story at all.

Today his family are coming around for dinner

Family arrive, DH lets them in.

'Hello darling! Where is SquashFeet?'

'Don't know, she said she was popping out to the shops but she's been ages.'

-Five hours later, family have gone, SquashFeet walks in-

DH 'Where the hell have you been?!'

SF: 'Didn't fancy the piss/waterfall jokes so I spent the afternoon elsewhere. Tried to tell you I wasn't finding it funny but sadly it didn't work (guess that will be the lack of respect thing, or maybe the married to a total twat thing? Dunno...) - I'd have loved to be here but no option really. Hope you had fun.'
DH 'FURY'
SF: 'What, where's that sense of humour now? What, you feel I should be listening to you now do you, just because you're upset? Doesn't seem to work the other way around, does it? Pop the kettle on, there's a love'

If a man ever treated me like that, he'd be gone. No way would I be obliged to put up with that s**t. What a cockwomble. I'd say bin him, but its your decision, OP.

Your husband is a dick and so are your friends.

Give him a glass of 'apple juice' with his dinner. he will soon stop the jokes :)

How horrible OP. I can't believe he says he is going to carry on humiliating you. I would walk out for the afternoon. What a nasty, nasty person.

That is horrible and the so called friends weren’t much better for laughing. I wouldn’t have laughed, I would have been shocked and would also have been self conscious about using the toilet. He’s a pos.
Definitely try to avoid tonight completely, or if you can’t, and he does keep at it, just look hard at him and ask, “feel better about yourself now?”
Time to think about being single; no one should put up with that disrespect.

'The only reason I'm going down here is because you wrecked the other toilets with your thundering shits. Even the plumbers have said you're not normal'.

OP, are you okay? Reading all this must be hard but you can leave him over this bullying horrible behaviour if you want too.

Why are 2 other loos out of use?

Don't entertain his family
Go out leave the fucker to it

Nasty way of going about it

But it coukd genuinely have been really embarrassing. A lull in conversation with the backdrop being very loud pissing. And he was making noise and light of it.

I’d go out too, nasty piece of work embarrassing you like that.

I wouldn't go for the funny retorts good as they are, I'd tell him its opened my eyes to his nasty, controlling side and if he keeps it up it will mean the end of the marriage.

highhorse1981. She did nothing more than have a wee in her own home! He made light of it more than once. IT turned into humiliation. If he wanted to do something about it, he should've kept his mouth shut and not denigrate his wife in front of their friends.
there is no explaining this one away. No way.

Newer posters sure like a thread about piss lately.

What a dickhead. I would cancel his family coming round tbh or just go out

I always find men who bully their spouse under the guise of ‘joking’ to be very distasteful.
I’d be telling him that he either changes or he can find another victim to bully.
Why do you put up with him?

You married beneath you, OP.

Agree with all the other posters I.e hes a cock, but you must, surely, be pissing rather loud if others can hear it. Put some toilet roll down and don't "push" which is sounds as though you are.

You have a DH problem, to quote a well used MN phrase.

I'd preempt his infantile behaviour with a comment before I go along the lines of

• excuse me while I pop to the bathroom and excuse DH while he makes a series of juvenile so called jokes about me whilst I do so. He can't seem to get beyond a 5 year olds attitude when it comes to bodily functions and thinks it's hysterically funny to try to embrace people whilst they go to the toilet.

If someone else goes before you I'd give a similar warning saying he did this to last nights visitors to their surprise & I just wNt to warn you as he thinks this is acceptable behaviour despite being told very clearly it is not.

Mind you if I was at someone's house and their DH did this I'd say something; it's unacceptable, childish behaviour on his part.

Nasty man, tell him to get his kicks elsewhere.
I would go out too, let him entertain his own people.
For you 💐