There’s a bit of a long backstory to this.
From reading up about it, I come from a ‘classic’ toxic family environment, with my mum having narcissistic tendencies.
Mum had me, then had an affair with my dads brother and was pregnant by him a few weeks later, which resulted in my sister. (Mum and ‘uncle/stepdad’ are still together, my dad emigrated when I was 4 and I’ve not seen him since)
I’ve always been second best to my sister, who is younger by just less one year.
An example I can give is, my sisters birthday is 2 weeks before mine. She always had lots of presents, a big party and an outing, whereas when it came to my birthday I got a token present as ‘there’s no money left in my purse’
There are many more instances over the years but I won’t bore you with them as I’ll end up being here all day.
I have 2 children from my first marriage which broke down when the dc were 2 and 3. I met and married my now dh 4 years ago. We are very happy.
My sister, (following in my mums footsteps?) had an affair with her best friends husband. They are now married and have a dc who is 9 (her dh also has a 10yr old dc)
Sister and her dh have secondary infertility. They have been trying for another baby for 7 years, have had 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy.
They are saving for for ivf, I have put £1000 in their pot as a gift.
I fell pregnant in 2016 and now have a 9 month old ds. When I told my sister I had nothing but abuse for a whole year. screaming and shouting at me in the street calling me all the names you can think of. She said I was dead to her. I had phone calls telling me I was ruining her life, phone calls saying she was reporting me to SS for being a drug addict(?!?)so the baby would get taken off of me, begging calls asking if she could adopt the baby. My mum took her side and said I was only pregnant to spite my sister (me and dh had been trying for a year) and I was having the baby to ‘get back at her’ as I’d always been jealous of her as she’s prettier/cleverer/her dh has a better job than mine etc. It’s only since xmas when my ds was 6 months that we have started to build our relationship back up. I never received an apology for the way she acted but I was willing to just move on so we could be sisters again.
I’ve just found that I am pregnant. Early days but all going well I’ll be due at the end of October.
I’m absolutely petrified of telling my mum and sister.
I understand that infertility is an absolute bastard to go through, Not on the level of someone who is experiencing it of course, and have always tried my best to be supportive.
I’m absolutely over the moon to be pregnant again but I feel like I’m not allowed to be happy or celebrate it.
I’m tempted to not say anything and just avoid her but we work for the same NHS trust and it will be obvious soon.
I’m stressing out so much about this. I don’t know what to do.
DH said basically it’s her problem and not ours, and that she can’t expect us to not get on with our lives because she isn’t pregnant yet, comparing it to if someone won the lottery you would expect them to not spend the money just because someone else didn’t have any money, but I know it’s more deep rooted than this.
I want to add that she doesn’t treat anyone else who is pregnant like this, only me. Our cousin was pregnant the same time as me, and my sister was out shopping with her all the time for baby things, and organised her a baby shower (that I wasn’t invited to)
Does anyone have any advice? I just don’t know what to do anymore other than move away and never look back.