Taking husbands name

[luelle]

I've just read a twitter thread regarding women taking their husbands surname when they marry, and out of the hundreds of replies I skim read I would say a good 90% of the replies are people absolutely dead against it. Countless posts saying that it's ridiculous in this day and age, it's outdated and degrading, no women should be treated like property to be passed about. That its awful when women would throw away their family name without a second thought etc.. I'm just shocked, I never realised it had become such a negative thing in so many peoples eyes!

I am aware of the history behind taking surnames and yes it was to do with ownership from father to husband, but surely in this day and age we have moved past all that enough for it to simply just be a nice thing you do when you get married, if you want to?

I think it's become so common now for women to keep their maiden names, and I don't think women are really expected to take their last name anymore. It is a choice and it's great that women are free to make these choices - but I just found it quite sad that this thread had so many people bashing people that do choose to take their husbands name?

I plan to take my DPs name if we get married, just because I'd like to. In my mind, it's an exciting part of marriage and a new chapter. I'm still me, I'm still part of my family, I still have my family history. AIBU to be a little sad that I could actually be looked at negatively for doing so? Or have times just changed that much?

most women still choose to name-change anyway, simply because they want to.

Hang around enough of these threads and you’ll see that actually, the majority don’t even think about not changing. Because they’ve been conditioned to think that it’s the right thing to do.

Let’s consider it a different way. Here is a group of young children. They’re about to have all of the conditioning about men and women’s roles challenged, and they’ve only had a few years of it. What would have happened if this lesson had not taken place?

www.facebook.com/cbeebies/videos/1566957136672916/

I only changed my name on Facebook. It did the trick, nobody asked me any questions after that. Officially I still use my old name. Kids have dh's surname though. It sounds more local and doesn't immediately mark them as children of immigrants. I thought about the surname thing a lot, but I'm happy with our choice.

Nothing sexist about it?

I can't believe someone said something so breathtakingly stupid.

Most of my circle have kept their own name snd the divorced ones are relieved they did. Only sensible to give children the mothers name in this day and age too.

I liked the idea of me, DH and children having the same surname. His last name is beautiful. Mine was really ugly and impossible to spell. I couldn't wait to change it.

Had our names been the other way around. I would have asked him to change his

I couldn't wait to change it.

Unless you wed on your 18th birthday, you did wait.

No one is dictating to anyone, no one insisting that anyone does anything. However, It is an inescapable truth that changing you name is not a feminist action. Make the decision and own it.

Stop complaining when other people point out the truth. I make non feminist decisions all the time I'm not always comfortable with the reasons I do them but I am honest with myself.

So making out women are trying to insist or force or demand that you don't change you name. Do it by all means but don't lie to yourself.

“I liked the idea of me, DH and children having the same surname. His last name is beautiful. Mine was really ugly and impossible to spell. I couldn't wait to change it.

Had our names been the other way around. I would have asked him to change his”

But it never is the other way round, is it? Odd, that.

Incidentally, why did you have to wait to get married to change your name?

Incidentally, why did you have to wait to get married to change your name?

Changing your name on marriage is free and very easy. Doing it by deed poll costs money and is more complicated.

If it wasn't free and easy, maybe more couples would think about the reasons for doing it! I'm surprised it still is tbh, what a throwback.

If I really hated my name and wanted to change it, I think I could probably find 15 quid and 10 minutes to fill in a form.........

Doing it by deed poll costs money and is more complicated.

It doesn't cost much, I think it was about £30 or something, and it's really not complicated. I know because I've done it twice.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to take your partner's name and having the same name for the whole family.

Did you read the thread, Aubergine?

Did I read 12 pages of people's opinions on the matter? No, by page 6 it seems to have become an argument anyways.

I haven't RTFT as no doubt it's the same as every other one on the subject. I changed my name because I wanted to and, if one of us was going to change our name, it made sense for it to be DH his business is in his own name. I'd already decided to do it anyway though.

Do the posters commenting who find it sad that a woman says she is going to change her name ever say anything to the woman? If someone had said anything to me I would have politely told them to mind their own business and worry about something that actually affects them.

Do the posters commenting who find it sad that a woman says she is going to change her name ever say anything to the woman?

Already answered. And as I said, I can understand the many factors that lead people to do so on an indivdual basis. It does make me sad on a societal level that the inequality is perpetuated. I would never dream of commenting/trying to change someone’s mind. I’ll only discuss it in broader terms, and only if it comes up.

Curiously, being hasn’t stopped all the why even bother getting married/you aren’t as committed to your marriage/your DH must be weak or pathetic/your kids must be confused/how will people even know you’re married comments to DH and me. Totally unsolicited.

Fair enough Aubergine. I agree with your post, given it doesn’t mention it being a consideration that only women should have.

Women these days, take their husband's name because they WANT to, not because anyone is forcing them to FFS.

The younger ones in our family are getting married now, and for the last few weddings over a couple of years, it is overwhelmingly clear that the women changing their names is automatic, because "it's what you do".

Society simply isn't going to change unless we question and challenge this.

I never changed my name, saw no reason to. But Ex was insistent the children had his name. My only regret is that I didn't insist on it being my surname.

Meanwhile, the fact that the DCs have a different surname to me has had zero impact on us being a family unit.

@JassyRadlett I wouldn't even think that, let alone say it to anyone! I really couldn't care less what anyone calls themselves, it's not hurting me.

Do the posters commenting who find it sad that a woman says she is going to change her name ever say anything to the woman?

No. I'm generally quite diplomatic in real life.

Do I mention my opinion to other women, no I don't. However, that is usually because they are telling me their opinions about my decision to not get married. Not usually positive btw.

D FIL's surname surely?