Taking husbands name

[luelle]

I've just read a twitter thread regarding women taking their husbands surname when they marry, and out of the hundreds of replies I skim read I would say a good 90% of the replies are people absolutely dead against it. Countless posts saying that it's ridiculous in this day and age, it's outdated and degrading, no women should be treated like property to be passed about. That its awful when women would throw away their family name without a second thought etc.. I'm just shocked, I never realised it had become such a negative thing in so many peoples eyes!

I am aware of the history behind taking surnames and yes it was to do with ownership from father to husband, but surely in this day and age we have moved past all that enough for it to simply just be a nice thing you do when you get married, if you want to?

I think it's become so common now for women to keep their maiden names, and I don't think women are really expected to take their last name anymore. It is a choice and it's great that women are free to make these choices - but I just found it quite sad that this thread had so many people bashing people that do choose to take their husbands name?

I plan to take my DPs name if we get married, just because I'd like to. In my mind, it's an exciting part of marriage and a new chapter. I'm still me, I'm still part of my family, I still have my family history. AIBU to be a little sad that I could actually be looked at negatively for doing so? Or have times just changed that much?

Stop making people think feminists are against everything male that comes across on these boards and you'd get a lot more on board.

I hate to use the M word again...

Just a question what would the kids surname be?

I hate to use the M word again...

?

Families are a unit, though.I want us all to have the same name. To me, would be really weird to start a family,but deliberately keep yourself separate in name from them though.

So families can't be a unit if they don't have the same name? That's a cracking way to cast a net over every blended family with that suggestion.

Names are names. That's it. Change it, don't change it, but don't think for a single second it will make any difference to your family unit because it won't.

I took my husbands name, it was something I wanted and expected to do. I didn't really think about it to much but the thoughts I did have were that A, we wanted children and it was important to me that we all have the same name. B, my husband has one sister so I felt it was important for his name to carry on through him C, I have plenty of brothers so knew my maiden name would (and did ) be carried on.

I know very few women who kept their maiden name really compared to the amount I know who changed. I know some who kept maiden name for work only.

One of my family uses an ex step dads name. When he married they considered changed to who wife's name but ultimately they decided to keep his name as a family and start their own branch of the tree.

It's up to the individual and people shouldn't care one way or the other what OTHER people do or don't do in this regard. It doesn't affect anyone other than the two people involved!

I did, my married name is horrible and my maiden name was fab, however, I did it because I wanted us all to have the same surname when we had DC, I don't regret it for this reason. Also, when we're dead and gone, we'll be easier to chase genealogy wise (light-hearted).

DS21 would love to change his surname to my maiden name, it's that good.

But. If your husband had changed his name, you’d all have had the same last name too.

Men seem surprisingly keen to hang on to their maiden names. Why is that?

@MrsDilber so why couldn’t you all - kids, DH, you - have had YOUR name?

So many women change their names because they prefer their partner’s name, but when the woman has the fab surname , the man does not change!

I'll never understand why some people are so bothered about what other people do. It's nobody else's concern what you decide to do with your own name and people should mind their own business to be honest.

I changed my name to my exh's when I got married. My DS has his surname even though we're divorced now. I had a double barreled surname growing up and I hated it so I wouldn't give one to my DS.

It's a name. It has absolutely no bearing on who I am, who my DS is. I honestly cannot get worked up about it.

I don't really have a family name anyway, my mum remarried and took my stepdad's last name and I am NC with my birth father so don't want to use his name. I still use my exh's surname but I'm thinking of changing it to a completely new one.

Just do it or don’t. There’s no need to have a debate about it. The wonderful thing these days is you can do as you choose...if your husband can even take your name!!...and no one bats an eyelid. Just get on with it. And remember, peoples responses on the internet do not always reflect their choices in RL.

People absolutely bat an eyelid. I’ve had “what’s the point of getting married if you’re keeping your maiden name?”, my mother still makes a point of writing “Mr + Mrs DHLastName” on things she posts to us even though she knows full well I didn’t change my name.

Oh, and my husband’s family tell people that I didn’t change me name “for professional reasons”, because that apparently sounds better than “didn’t want to”.

Someone said I like being Mrs because people know we're married. People only know you are married; if they met your husband they wouldn't have a clue about his marital status based on his name and title.
Is it a security thing with women? Or a rite of passage of some sort? Or (worse) something women don't give a second thought to?

I took my husband's name because it was a much nicer name than mine.
My own name was spelled wrong so couldnt wait to ditch it.

Why wait until you got married? If it was that bad you could have ditched it any time

I'm judging people who change their name as it has a wider societal impact than on just the individual and their family. Effectively it says that women don't take themselves seriously at the most fundamental level that is their identity. If we aren't willing to retain our name after marriage we are happy with the patriarchy. So that's why it matters so much, for every woman that continues to perpetuate this tradition it weakens our fight for equality. If we are truly equal why would we take a man's name?

I did, my married name is horrible and my maiden name was fab, however, I did it because I wanted us all to have the same surname when we had DC, I don't regret it for this reason.

Why didn’t your DH take your name?

Also, when we're dead and gone, we'll be easier to chase genealogy wise (light-hearted).

Actually the opposite. Women taking men’s names makes the female line much harder to trace.

Just a question what would the kids surname be?

When we got married there was no guarantee any children were going to follow.

When one did she was given DH’s surname and mine as a second middle name. She loves that she has both families represented in her name and declares that she will never change them.

She’s the only person to ever have heard my heart beat from the inside. I don’t need to share her surname - the bond is solid without it.

I booked our honeymoon. DH spent 2 weeks being called Mr Myname. He has never questioned my choice to keep my name. (I don’t recall any conversations about it - I doubt it was something he ever thought I would do. Likewise having a joint bank account.)

14 years on people still struggle with the concept. A relative sends a cheque for DD’s birthday every year. She knows now that it needs to be in my actual name to be able to bank it. All good. A week later a card arrives for me addressed to Mrs Hisname. WTF?!

Would your husband take your name? If the answer is no then you have to ask yourself why not? If it's not good for one it shouldn't be good for the other.

Some people at work had conversation about this. The general consensus was that women not taking their DH last name are just being awkward and just making some sort of feminist point. Apparently taking your husbands name is the only right and proper thing to do especially if you have children.

I do think it's odd on these threads how some posters feel the need to enlighten others on such issues as name-changing in marriage, as if they think the patriarchal element of it all can't have occurred to women who changed their name. Of course it has, but the difference is, most women still choose to name-change anyway, simply because they want to.

What's the point in feminism if we can't dictate what other women do, right?

I took my husband's name. It was 23 years ago and not the issue it is now. It's important to me that we all share a surname and tbh, I hated mine and love my married name.

I'd be more surprised if a young woman did it now.

Interesting that women say that they change their name so that they will have the same name as their children. Because children emerge from the womb tattooed with their father’s last name.........

Hmmm in my experience (my friends, say a sample size of 20ish - highly scientific 😂) they changed their names for 2 reasons:

• the patriarchal aspects hadn't occurred to them and it was important to signal their new marital status;
• their DH's would have been annoyed with them if they hadn't and they didn't want to push it. At least 4 people mentioned some version of this.

Neither particularly encouraging IMO