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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She called me a bad mum

154 replies

upsideup · 24/03/2018 16:35

We took DS2's friend (5) swimming today and are keeping him until 7 because his mum had an emergency with childcare, absolutely fine as we were going swimming anyway, and I like DS having play dates and the boy is well behaved and no real bother.

But I have just been told by him that I am a ''bad mummy'' because DH does all the cooking and the school run for the older children and I do ''nothing''. Also because I make my kids share food, presumably this is from a few weeks ago when we were all at a cafe and I got my 3 and 4 year old a (huge) slice of cake to share as this kids mum did at the time say 'aw, why cant they have a piece each?' And I also don't let my DS cut his hair, I do it gets cut every 6-8 weeks he just prefers to keep it reasonably long and that it has to be 'tied up like a girl sometimes', he was prepared to carry on listing reasons why but I changed the subject.

The 5 year old definately heard all that from his mum right?
Part of me is like sure we all have had a bitch about other parents before but if I was that much of a 'bad mummy' why would I be your second choice of childcare and I also would never make those comments in front of my children to repeat.

WWYD?
AIBU to ask the mum about this(jokingly or not)?
AIBU to distance myself from her?
Or AIBU to just let this go?

OP posts:
NWQM · 24/03/2018 21:36

I definitely wouldn't go through the child with comments but I'm liking the suggestion that revenge is a dish best served cold - that sounds like a plan.

5plusMeAndHim · 24/03/2018 21:43

... and how does your ds feel about never having any more playdates with his friend?

franklyshitmydear · 24/03/2018 21:44

Ahahahahahaha BRILLIANT op.

What a dick she is. We're all entitled to our opinions but it takes an idiot to voice them in front of a young child who is more than capable of repeating them. I am cringing for her

IamPickleRick · 24/03/2018 21:44

Oh dear. I bet she’s gutted she got found out. She’s probably wondering what else he’s said to other people now Grin

Ikanon · 24/03/2018 21:46

Little ears Grin

ShiftyMcGifty · 24/03/2018 21:52

It was rude because she didn’t have the balls to say it to her face. Lighthearted my ass.

Also, how is being late proof of guilt rather than innocence.

PuckyMup · 24/03/2018 22:09

Bet the 20min delay was her frantically calling her DP to pick up the boy and when he couldn't, her having to front it out :D

Original poster
upsideup · 24/03/2018 22:11

and how does your ds feel about never having any more playdates with his friend?

He has lots of friends, he gets on with anyone and there was no special attachment to this boy. It wasnt a playdate that DS requested, the mum asked me to look after him because her childcare cancelled. They dont go to the same school, they see each other once a week when they tend to hang around with other people anyway. He will be absoluely fine and tbh it will be much better for him in the long run not to spend too much time with someone who may suggest to him that its bad for his dad to do the cooking or the school run and that he should be eating adult portions of cake and shouldnt have long hair because it is girly.
I dont know what benefit it would be to him to be in their house where these kind of ideas are encouraged and since she thinks the opposite makes be a bad mum Im suprised she want me looking after her child.

OP posts:
Birdshitbridgegotme · 24/03/2018 22:31

Keep quiet this time and next timw she asks for childcare say something like 'Oh I didn't think you'd want me to look after your ds as he said I was a bad mummy because x,y,z"

MissClareRemembers · 24/03/2018 22:38

In this situation I’d have been dying to text her with; “Just out of interest, are you on MN? And do you know what CF means..?”

iheartmichellemallon · 24/03/2018 23:05

Well done for calling her out on it Op. don't babysit for her again!!

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 25/03/2018 00:14

It was rude because she didn’t have the balls to say it to her face.

Somehow I doubt the other woman would have preferred hearing it face-to-face.

NotTakenUsername · 25/03/2018 07:42

Such a brilliant conclusion!

Sophiecatteacher · 25/03/2018 07:46

What a bitch. Probably means she is jealous though. You know what us ladies can be like.

Snipples · 25/03/2018 07:57

I hope she doesn't take it out on her son. I remember when I was a kid my mum bitched about our next door neighbour which I of course parroted back to them not realizing I was dropping my mum in it - the neighbour then waited til Mum asked her for a favour and took great delight in telling my mum where to go and that I'd told her what Mum had been saying. Anyways my mum was furious at me and I got it in the neck. I was about 7 I think.

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 25/03/2018 07:58

Has she responded to your text yet OP?

LaContessaDiPlump · 25/03/2018 08:02

I think the op could grow very old waiting for that reply Grin

swivelchair · 25/03/2018 08:03

Lol - DS's mate has told me that we let our kids use ipads too much, and I forget what else - but he has strong opinions.

He just has stricter rules at home, and doesn't understand why my DS doesn't have those rules, I've spent enough time with them and his mum to know that she would say that everyone has different rules, even if she doesn't approve of mine, and I don't take offense at that at all - because we have different circumstances, so different rules.

HairyToity · 25/03/2018 08:04

Let it go.

rondarules · 25/03/2018 08:14

It is possible at least some of what he said is his own words, for example the cake situation if all your DC shared the cake and the boy had his own he may have noticed himself that yours shared and in a 5 yo eyes that makes you a "bad mummy"??

The DH doing drop offs thing is a bit odd but possible hes picked up somewhere or he has asked his mum why you don't pick up and shes said their dad picks them up then he has elaborated the rest?

Unlikely but it is possible its not necessarily that she has sat there slagging you off, my 6yo DS always repeats things I have said/done but changes things to make it worse or take it out of context!

PlumsGalore · 25/03/2018 08:30

Well done OP, all sorted now.

BanyanTree · 25/03/2018 08:33

Im surprised she want me looking after her child. - I'm not, she is a CF'er.

I think she sounds insecure TBH. She sees you happily getting on with things in a chilled out way and you even have your DH on board to help you out. Sounds like you have a well balanced household to me. You even have time to look after other people's DC for them when they don't have their act together. Forget about it, but please don't babysit for her again.

I have had direct and indirect comments from "friends" about the way I do things for 12 years. I get comments about how I feed, sleep training and my attitude towards school work. I've had "I couldn't treat my DC like that" more times than I can count. Funny thing is my teachers are always commenting on how it is very obvious that my DC have a happy home life.

AtrociousCircumstance · 25/03/2018 09:18

Awesome result! Well done for taking action and not just swallowing the poison and feeling resentment. Your response was very well judged. She was exposed and didn’t like it.

FlouncyDoves · 25/03/2018 09:24

Good one OP. That’s how not to be walked over by a CD

FlouncyDoves · 25/03/2018 09:24

CF

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