She called me a bad mum

[upsideup]

We took DS2's friend (5) swimming today and are keeping him until 7 because his mum had an emergency with childcare, absolutely fine as we were going swimming anyway, and I like DS having play dates and the boy is well behaved and no real bother.

But I have just been told by him that I am a ''bad mummy'' because DH does all the cooking and the school run for the older children and I do ''nothing''. Also because I make my kids share food, presumably this is from a few weeks ago when we were all at a cafe and I got my 3 and 4 year old a (huge) slice of cake to share as this kids mum did at the time say 'aw, why cant they have a piece each?' And I also don't let my DS cut his hair, I do it gets cut every 6-8 weeks he just prefers to keep it reasonably long and that it has to be 'tied up like a girl sometimes', he was prepared to carry on listing reasons why but I changed the subject.

The 5 year old definately heard all that from his mum right?
Part of me is like sure we all have had a bitch about other parents before but if I was that much of a 'bad mummy' why would I be your second choice of childcare and I also would never make those comments in front of my children to repeat.

WWYD?
AIBU to ask the mum about this(jokingly or not)?
AIBU to distance myself from her?
Or AIBU to just let this go?

"It was lovely to see Jimmy today but I have to say he has some very grown-up opinions! He gave me a full rundown of my apparent failings as a parent! I had to change the subject in the end!" Light, amused tone of voice. Plough on right away with "Don't mean to be rude but I've got to run to make dinner/throw a load of washing in/make a phone call. I'll see you at the school gate."

Then just never do anything helpful for her again. She'll know why.

I wouldn't care if she had different opinions than me and her child over heard her doing so but to call you a bad mum is horrible. Also it's shocking that the 5year old child had a long list of complaints and could remember them all. He heard this more than once.
I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation but I would have to mention it someway and distance myself from her going forward.

I think Fizzy has it. She should be writing PA texts for a living

I think I'd have to say "I don't think x has enjoyed himself today. We did x y and z but he was very insistent that I'm "a bad mummy" he even had a list of all the things that make me so." Followed by MN patented head tilt and tinkly laugh and watch her squirm. Then just withdraw.

She's clearly said all this crap and it would make me lose all respect for her.

A friend dropped in once on their way back from school - same aged DC as mine. Neither of mine were in - DS at a sport club and DD at an art club. Friends 9yo DS promptly announces “After school clubs are for lazy parents who want someone else to babysit their kids” . Time literally stood still... #tumbleweed

However to say it and then ask the person who you have just slagged off to mind your child, regardless of how desperate you are, is a bit hard faced

Sure, if that's what happened. It's even more hard faced to make a decision that's what happened, when it could have been something else then slag the woman off on line like you're doing.

I wouldn't say anything op. I just wouldn't look after him again.

I've had pretty much the same thing said to me by ds's 4 year old friend. Except he actually said "my Mum and Dad say that you don't you Mum things like you're supposed to and you're lazy."

Was very tempted to tell them that at least I wasn't a low functioning and aggressive alcoholic like their Mummy and Daddy are but hey ho.

I teach 5 year olds and what they can come up with through making assumptions is astounding! You are perfectly within acceptable limits to tell them they're being rude too! Cheeky thing.

YANBU.

I heard from one of my DD's friends whilst over on a playdate that her mum marks visiting kids out of 10 for manners and behaviour and tells her DD about it so I learned that the time before last, my DD got 7/10 from this friend's mum because she forgot to say thank you for one drink and didn't put her shoes on first time of asking when I arrived to pick her up or some such, but the last time she got 10/10 because she did remember all her thank yous etc.

My DD and her friend were 7. I mean. And I wouldn't have particularly minded if she had done that behind the scenes i.e. privately to her DH but to score playdates like that and tell her DD the score (I presume maybe she was probably using it as a lesson of some sort) I felt it very bad form).

What amused me is that her DD has average or the same manners too and didn't say thanks for all and sundry when on a playdate at mine.

I would offer to look after him next week & see what he comes out with.

Then ignore her.

Ask and call her out on it, charmingly and with great good humour to demonstrate how utterly unbothered you are about it.
But she will know that you are not a Mug to be trifled with.

And maybe it will give her cause to think about the meaning of good manners, because if she thinks of herself as a "good mum" then teaching her son good manners sounds like a priority.

I would just say "oh by the way DS said this about me....haha...its funny the things they say isnt it?". She'll know you know without you having to say it.

Absolutely Smurfy! I wouldn't do this "oh we've had a lovely day, your DS was telling me all about what a bad mummy I was because my DH cooks etc and how I do nothing and I'm lazy and mean with cake - isn't he funny, where do they get their ideas from?"

She will so know it's her, and also know you know it's her.

*would not wouldnt

I’d be telling her that you won’t be looking after her child again and tell her why. Obviously he heard this from his mum, she’s a cf.

I think I have pms! I keep finding myself ragey about stuff I keep reading. How fucking dare she!! Flipping slagging you off then expecting you to look after her kid.

I would honestly make her a cup of tea, and say, oh kids! They’re so funny!! DS said ........................ So funny! Hopefully she feels like a bit of a twat.

I think that the people saying this 5 year old came up with it all by himself need a bit of a reality check, yeah, this child just fancies slagging off his friends mum because he somehow knows that her husband does the cooking, and a 5 year old child would just say that his friends mum does 'nothing' mmhmm. Kids can be arseholes, and they say random shit, but this is all fairly specific and most definitely sounds like the words of a bitchy mum.

The sharing food thing! I had a friend when DC were small who used to disapprove of this. I'd share a meal with the DC or let them share, to avoid waste. She'd get her toddlers a full plate each and they'd leave most of it (of course!). She felt it was mean not to! Madness.

Bt all this mum's reasons (if it did come from her) for you being a bad mum are ridiculous, so who cares.

I like the suggestion you tell her what her child said but act like you can't think where he got it from but he needn't worry :o

Of course it could have been his father or someone else who said that
.

I'd be really annoyed if I were you Op. I'd calmly tell her what he said & see how she reacts but I definitely wouldn't be babysitting for her again.

There's no point confronting her because she is highly unlikely to admit she said those things. You now know what she thinks of you and can act accordingly, presumably by distancing yourself and never ever providing childcare for her again, irrespective of the circumstances.

Another one who thinks Fizzy's text is excellent.

Agree with posters saying this could have come from the dad. Tell her what he said, you'll know from her reaction...

I remember the 7 year-old who came to me one full day a week all summer so his mum could work. One day she phoned at 8am to ask if I could have him for an extra day. He marched in 10 minutes later, looked down his nose at the breakfast dishes and announced that I couldn't keep on top of the housework because I had too many children. (Three.)

And it turned out that his mum had gone for a 'girlie spa day' on that particular day.