She called me a bad mum

[upsideup]

We took DS2's friend (5) swimming today and are keeping him until 7 because his mum had an emergency with childcare, absolutely fine as we were going swimming anyway, and I like DS having play dates and the boy is well behaved and no real bother.

But I have just been told by him that I am a ''bad mummy'' because DH does all the cooking and the school run for the older children and I do ''nothing''. Also because I make my kids share food, presumably this is from a few weeks ago when we were all at a cafe and I got my 3 and 4 year old a (huge) slice of cake to share as this kids mum did at the time say 'aw, why cant they have a piece each?' And I also don't let my DS cut his hair, I do it gets cut every 6-8 weeks he just prefers to keep it reasonably long and that it has to be 'tied up like a girl sometimes', he was prepared to carry on listing reasons why but I changed the subject.

The 5 year old definately heard all that from his mum right?
Part of me is like sure we all have had a bitch about other parents before but if I was that much of a 'bad mummy' why would I be your second choice of childcare and I also would never make those comments in front of my children to repeat.

WWYD?
AIBU to ask the mum about this(jokingly or not)?
AIBU to distance myself from her?
Or AIBU to just let this go?

So I sent a text before she was due to arrive at 7 along the lines of what FizzyGreenWater suggested (Thanks Fizzy!) jokingly and not accusing her of anything just stating the comments her son had made.
No reply and she was 20 minutes late to come and get him, I called her to see where she was and when she eventually arrived she claimed her phone had no battery so she didnt know the time and the traffic was awful, rushed her son out of the house and into the car.
I dont think I am going to be asked to look after him again

He must be quite a verbose 5 year old, that's quite a litany for one so young. Most 5 year olds wouldn't even notice.

This is a fabulous chance for a bit of a dig. Look for an opportunity to get in that "it was no trouble, nice to do something rather than let DH do it all, ha! Ha, isn't thst right little visitor?"; They all ate really well, DH is so good at cooking isn't he little visitor?";
Oh did I forget to put that towel in the dryer, really I am such a bad mummy etc etc etc. Everything you think came from her.
Don't do childcare again.

Sorry, i mean at pick up time in front of childcare needer.

Oh just noticed you've already sent a text. Her excuses speak volumes!

If it was just the comments on DH doing the cooking and the school run then I could believe that he had just picked that up from somewhere else. But the comments on my kids sharing cake given that she had made a similar comment at the time and was the only one there when we were ordering to notice that and then the comment of me not letting DS cut his hair as well and tieing it up
And then her reaction to the text and picking him up says it all really

I wouldn't say anything. You don't know whether it did come from the mum (could've been the dad, grandparent, whoever, or nobody). You risk making yourself look like an idiot. I've had kids say loads of weird things over the years.vvone of my friend's kids used to come into our house and sneer about everything that was worse than their house, while my friend tried to shut her up. I couldn't stand the child for years, but she actually grew up into a lovely teenager.

Oh dear, you sent the text. That's that bridge burned then.

Glad to be of service OP!

'my phone had no bettery' - trans. 'I TOTALLY HAVE READ YOUR TEXT AND IMMEDIATELY THREW MY PHONE INTO A LAKE OF FIRE AND YOU WILL NOW NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN AAAAAARGH'

No I don’t think you will either.

My dn told Dh several times I was only after him for his money. 13 years later I’ve still not found this money

He may have overheard it from another parent on a playdate

If it was just the comments on DH doing the cooking and the school run then I could belive that he had just picked that up from somewhere else. But the comments on my kids sharing cake given that she had made a similar comment at the time and was the only one there when we were ordering to notice that and then the comment of me not letting DS cut his hair as well and tieing it up
The way he said it and had a big list of why came across very much as what he had been told by an adult quite recently, it would probably be random, untrue stuff if it came from his own mind.
And then her reaction to the text and picking him up says it all really

Sorry but I think you were really rude.Maybe did make a few observations in the privacy or her own home, maybe she didn't .Maybe the kid came up with it himself, maybe he heard it from an older sibling or even your DS himself!
You were deliberately setting out to hurt and embarrass her.How does that give you the moral high ground?

How exactly was she rude 5plus? She sent a text making light of the comments to see the reaction and then saw the reaction?
I would think the other mum is the rude one! Speaking negatively about someone whom you then ask for favours is extremely ill mannered.

I don't know really. My DD aged 7 asked a pregnant relative if they were moving out of a flat because children aren't suited to flats and need a house. Only she knows this DD well, she'd have thought that came from me (it certainly didn't!).

Some kids are perceptive, it happens.

If it didnt come from her then she could have just said so, it obviously did or she wouldnt have reacted the way she did.
They were not observations either, apart from me knowing my 3 and 4 year old do not want or need a huge slice of cake each what she said was not true.

This is totally how I would have handled it, I may have even had 'a giggle' with her when she arrived about how funny kids are 😂😂

Yeah, you got her bang to rights! 👌

No way is the OP rude. If this woman has such a low opinion of her, then she shouldn't be using the OP for childcare. That's rude!
Anyway, you've done her a solid really, cos she'll be a lot more careful in future.

Phone died my ass! She didn't want confrontation

I'm cringing on her behalf.

Her phone may have died (doubt it!) but the real test is if she responds.

The beauty of this is now you aren’t going to be stuck with babysitting anymore.

I would tell her what he said with a very amused expression on my face
“you won’t believe what you little one comes out with.apparently I’m a bad mummy who does no cooking or school runs . And he doesn’t approve of my making them share cake either.”
And watch her squirm. You wouldn’t need to deflect her requests for childcare again.

I dont think I am going to be asked to look after him again. Result!

You don't know whether it did come from the mum. You do now.

Her phone may have died. Bet she died when she read your text.

I wonder if her phone will ever have battery again?

I’ll bet she almost died when she read that text! 😂😂

Sorry but I think you were really rude.

The OP was not remotely rude. She sent one non-accusing, light-hearted text relaying what the child had said. Either the mum has slagged her off, in which case her CFery has been blown out of the water (good), or she is innocent but has realized that she needs to explain a few ideas about politeness to her child (good) and is embarrassed at his rudeness.

Either way, not rude, no harm done. But there's always one whiny little mealy-mouth on here, isn't there? Spare me the PA 'sorry but' shite as well.