Your child is causing a ruckus during a wedding ceremony. Be honest. Would you remove them pronto?

[HarrietKettle]

I'm not just talking about full on purple-faced crying kind of kicking off, I'm talking about making any noise, that is distracting, grizzling, or shouting out. Or what some parents might call 'just babbling'.

Obviously it's mega-hard to convey to a toddler that quiet means actual silence, I totally get that. And yes it's cute when they make their little noises or exclaim enthusiastically but not when I'm actually reciting my wedding vows.

I've said no children in my wedding ceremony and, preferably during the speeches, which they'll find boring (wait, I've made provisions for this!) and it's causing raised eyebrows. My nephew will be just two. He's cute. He's very funny. Everyone dotes on him. He's quite rambunctious and vocal. I've been assured he 'won't cry'. I have three other cousins around a similar age and I'm sure their parents will say the same thing, that if they kick up a fuss they'll be 'taken out'.

But will they? Because in my experience unless it's a full on meltdown the parents really don't consider it a distraction and will just jiggle them on their knees a bit and beam around the room.

My provision for the five or so young children that will be attending the day is, a nice little room in the hotel, with a qualified nanny in it, iPads, toys, sweets, colouring books. The only time I'm going to absolutely insist they remain in there is for the 20 or so minute ceremony. This has caused a bit of 'how can you not want your own nephew to watch you get married?' from my brother and a 'I'm not very happy leaving my child with a total stranger' from SIL. The consensus from them is that it's 'sad' not to appreciate the joy children can bring to a wedding that's at a really not-child-friendly- hotel with marble floors and stone steps and no outside space. The other parents don't know about any of this yet.

So, AIBU to think that any child noise in a ceremony is distracting and it's fine not to be on board with that? The inevitable scuffling out of the row and towards the doors at the back of a small child has indeed reached the point where it can be deemed a meltdown is distracting also, and, yes I know I should one of those relaxed brides that just titters and smiles beatifically, but I just won't be, I'll be pissed off.

Yanbu. I've seen a wedding ceremony and then again during speeches spoiled by attention seeking free spirit children, interrupting, dancing, shouting etc.
Slightly older than toddlers, parents did nothing.
I would be happy to leave my DC with a qualified child carer for the ceremony.

Btw I think YANBU. Tbh I didn't want to take DS into the ceremony in the first place!

The noisiest thing during our ceremony was someone's camera phone clicking and whirling away but once I started saying my vows I heard nothing except DH. There was also adults coughing etc. The only children were super quiet.
You can set your wedding up anyway you want but others may not be happy with the way you have set it up. I wonder if you actually want the DC there or would you be happier just making it a no children wedding?

I’d totally be using the nanny. Child free time? Bonus! The two year old won’t care if they are not. But they will care about the sweets.

And they're not going to be the child-snatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

That would be pretty funny, though.

Good plan OP. We had a crèche in the church hall for our wedding and made it very clear that small children were to go in there. I think the youngest we had in the church was about 9 so able to sit quietly. We had no unwanted noise.

YANBU. I could not hear my son make his vows because of the noise children were making. They were no better at the reception. A dreadful day.

It's your decision, as it's your wedding. I've been to child free and child friendly weddings.

1. Paige boy made tractor sounds throughout as he pushed his tractor around the aisle (farming community)
2. 'I need a wee wee!' At the top of a little girls voice just as the bride was about to say 'I do'
3. During the speeches, I noticed to little flower girls make a run for the exit, quickly followed by 3 other child guests. So I got up as we were on an edge table and went with them- they wanted to play in the child's play area outside. Later the bride said she was watching them and didn't know if she should shout at them across the room not to go out, or shout at someone to go with them, then she seen me go. She said she then felt more relaxed during the speeches as she didn't have one eye on the girls (flower Girls were her daughters).

But I admit apart from these little things, children have never been a problem at the weddings I've been too. However it is your decision. IMO though I think you are being thoughtful in providing a sitter and activities. Many would not do that.

I personally prefer weddings with children but am happy that others don't. However, as a parent of small children I think it is far easier either to be invited to an adults only event (and so legitimately be able to decline due to lack of childcare) or to an event to which children are fully welcome. Ending up at a wedding with children when it is clear those children are not really welcome is horribly stressful. I know parents could just turn down an invitation but it isn't always that easy, especially where family are concerned.

Err, I do not hate my SIL. It's fine not to be best mates with every member of your extended family though, no?

Its meant to be the happiest day of your life not a day for getting grumpy about a few grissly kids

I can't bear noisy children at anything unless they have SN

The people that don’t take kids out when they start to make a noise are exactly the type that don’t take them out when the kids are doing their Nativities/Plays/assemblies. They’re also the ones that say oh it’s just toddler babble.

Fuck that twat, DS has rehearsed that line for weeks and your kid just killed it.

OP ban kids from the ceremony. It’s 20 minutes you don’t get to do twice.

Christ OP you've done well not to rise to some of the nonsense on here! You hate your SIL now too, did you know that?

People really struggle with the idea that not everyone thinks the world revolves around kids!

I think you're set-up sounds fine. People can take it or leave it. It's perfectly fine not to want wailing kids disrupting your wedding.

I think you’re being quite generous letting children even come to be quite honest

I know why you’re saying this^^, but tbh, I think the best weddings are either child free or not. It’s when people start making little exceptions, or saying “this part is child free, but this part children are welcome” when things get complicated and people get offended. I’d never take my young dcs to a wedding unless I sort of had to, so it’s no skin off my nose if it’s totally child free, but if I was expected to bring my young dcs along but only to certain parts of the wedding, that’s when it gets a bit harder to organise. I’d rather just not bring them, even if it meant my dh or me missing the whole day if we couldn’t find a babysitter. It’s harder to turn down an invite for childcare reasons if the dcs are invited. It’s lovely of the op to try and cover every eventuality, by providing childcare etc, but I actually think people would be less if she’d just said “no children at all, no exceptions”. Otherwise, people feel obliged to come and drag their dcs along to leave them with a nanny they’ve never met, which would be fine for some dcs but not for others.

Your wedding, your call.

We got married last year and BIL was best man, SIL was my Maid of Honour and they had 4 year old DNephew and 6month old DNephew and DNiece. They were the only little kids we had at the wedding because we trusted SIL's parents to take them out if they started to cause a fuss, which is exactly what happens when 6mo DNephew fussed.

Your wedding, your rules.

I was “controversial” and just didn’t have kids at my wedding! You’ve but more than adequate provision in place for them to be taken care of during the ceremony. As if a 2 year old gives a toss or knows what’s going on and will be upset 😂😂😂

To be honest I think I thought you were being more scathing of the people who didn't want to leave their kid in a room with a stranger. Now I re read I see you weren't really. Apologies. However my kids would've made more of a ruckus at being made to sit in a side room away from the action than they would in the first place so if you actually don't want kids there at all it might be better to say so.

We didn't invite kids to our wedding but some obviously came, but hey life's not perfect - i think you're taking it all too seriously. Just relax and enjoy a day which is meant to be celebrating something amazing rather than focusing on all the negatives.

Many, many years ago at our wedding my DH's cousin had a 2yr old who we had never met. We hadn't seen the cousin for years either. I had several nieces and nephews that who were a regular part of both our lives and I reluctantly had them as pageboys/flower girls. I would have much preferred a quiet affair but heyho.

Anyhoo DH's cousin and her DH were invited but not their 2yr old and all hell broke loose. If 2yr old not invited cousin won't come, if cousin doesn't come aunt won't come, if aunt won't come MIL won't come!!!!!

We were too young and naive to stand up to MIL who was the ring leader, so 2yr old and his entourage were invited, sat in the bar all night as the music was too loud for him and left early to keep to his bed time.

My advice is do what you and your DH want to do, it's your day. Have fun!

I think you need to be more honest with the parents, on reading through it doesn't sound like much of a wedding for the DC if they have to stay in a small room during service and speeches and the venue isn't child friendly in between these events. Just own that it is a child free wedding and accept the family fall out that comes with this. I feel sorry for your SIL trying to manage the DC with all of the restrictions in place in a setting that doesn't work for DC, give her a clear out by saying it doesn't work for DC.

I would love to say 'no kids' but I would never be forgiven! I'm just trying to have the best of both, really. It just seems to divide people on the subject of weddings in a way that nothing else does.

SOME weddings are great for kids. The venue we've chosen tbh I think they'll be bored and the parents stressed from having to stop them topping down a staircase or bashing their heads on stone fireplaces.

I think just dont do the speeches because nobody wants to listen to all that rabbiting anyway.Its boring for everyone never mind children who cant behave themselves. I'd just have an inclusive reception for everyone and just let people have a good time.