Your child is causing a ruckus during a wedding ceremony. Be honest. Would you remove them pronto?

[HarrietKettle]

I'm not just talking about full on purple-faced crying kind of kicking off, I'm talking about making any noise, that is distracting, grizzling, or shouting out. Or what some parents might call 'just babbling'.

Obviously it's mega-hard to convey to a toddler that quiet means actual silence, I totally get that. And yes it's cute when they make their little noises or exclaim enthusiastically but not when I'm actually reciting my wedding vows.

I've said no children in my wedding ceremony and, preferably during the speeches, which they'll find boring (wait, I've made provisions for this!) and it's causing raised eyebrows. My nephew will be just two. He's cute. He's very funny. Everyone dotes on him. He's quite rambunctious and vocal. I've been assured he 'won't cry'. I have three other cousins around a similar age and I'm sure their parents will say the same thing, that if they kick up a fuss they'll be 'taken out'.

But will they? Because in my experience unless it's a full on meltdown the parents really don't consider it a distraction and will just jiggle them on their knees a bit and beam around the room.

My provision for the five or so young children that will be attending the day is, a nice little room in the hotel, with a qualified nanny in it, iPads, toys, sweets, colouring books. The only time I'm going to absolutely insist they remain in there is for the 20 or so minute ceremony. This has caused a bit of 'how can you not want your own nephew to watch you get married?' from my brother and a 'I'm not very happy leaving my child with a total stranger' from SIL. The consensus from them is that it's 'sad' not to appreciate the joy children can bring to a wedding that's at a really not-child-friendly- hotel with marble floors and stone steps and no outside space. The other parents don't know about any of this yet.

So, AIBU to think that any child noise in a ceremony is distracting and it's fine not to be on board with that? The inevitable scuffling out of the row and towards the doors at the back of a small child has indeed reached the point where it can be deemed a meltdown is distracting also, and, yes I know I should one of those relaxed brides that just titters and smiles beatifically, but I just won't be, I'll be pissed off.

the nanny has already said she can bring an assistant with her too and I'm assuming the OP (who imo is doing well in face of provocation!) has assumed maximum numbers of children (6) for the discussion with parents but knows in reality that this will not turn out to be the case.

OP - I can't wait to hear about your Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom style walk way from ceremony room to wedding breakfast/lunch that you'll no doubt be expecting guests to traverse - cleverly thought through that if you lose a couple of guests in to a pit of snakes or squished by a giant ball then you'll save on catering

Tralalee Thu 22-Mar-18 14:19:29
I can't bear noisy children at anything unless they have SN

Totally off topic but this comment is so ridiculous! How do you know if a child has SN? Can you bear the noise of children who have as yet unidentified SN? What’s so pleasant about the noise of SN children compared to others?

Shes made a point of saying how unsuitable it is for small children, even though her brother has a small child.

That’s different to “deliberately” booking a child unfriendly venue BECAUSE it’s child unfriendly though...

A wedding without outside space should be child free I think. Weddings are so long. Speeches are so dull. One small room to take kids to is definitely a lot better than nothing, but still... It's going to be a difficult place for even the most considerate parent to keep children under 5 (and most of them toddlers) quiet and calm for hours on end.

Sashkin who invites their ex fiancé's sister to their wedding? Maybe the sister and her Jedi knights were specifically and deliberately sent with a mission to cause distruption and mayhem!

I never considred booking a nice venue in the centre of the town I grew up in could be deemed passive-aggressive towards a family member who happens to have a small child. Blimey. Should have hired the local soft-play and have done with it.

You've also said that you've deliberately booked a very child unfriendly venue with hard floors

I'm confused - do people normally have weddings in places with soft floors (bouncy castles, padded cells, that kind of thing)?

I don't think the OP is asking for quietness for hours on end though - just at two specific points in the day? At my wedding we had some children and before the dinner started we called the children up and gave them a present we'd bought each one so that they had something new to entertain themselves with during the dinner (in addition to that which their parents had brought along too) - I'd see the "nanny room" is an extension of that and would be grateful to the OP for thinking of the children's needs too.

Harriet most people are not saying that though. Most people are just saying have a child free wedding altogether. The venue will be a nightmare to keep kids content and therefore quiet at. You'll end up unhappy, without managing to please anyone else, if you go for the partial arrangement at this venue.

YANBU at all

Kris ime a child friendly wedding does not involve any kind of special flooring :o but is usually one with outdoor space. The best weddings I've been to with kids have not specifically catered to kids at all, but have been informal and mostly outdoors!

You've had some rum old comments here, OP. It's beyond my comprehension that people are so precious they wouldn't leave their little darlings with a stranger for 20 minutes. It's equally beyond my comprehension that you're being accused of deliberately choosing a venue unsuitable for children.

Personally I'd have left mine with anyone who'd have him for the sake of 20 minutes peace. Bloody ridiculous women.

For the love of all things holy, I would LOVE to say no children.weve both discussed it. But the family pressure would be pretty immense and we'd certainly not be popular over it. for various reasons I'm a people please and I don't like pissing people off. I was just trying to find a viable compromise. I'm pretty sure my very sensible freinds with two small children wouldn't even bring them because they'll see what a nuisance (for them!) it'll be on the day to constantly run around after them or sshh them or comfort them or whatever. But they have great childcare options and really enjoy the odd kid free event. My family is a different kettle of fish.

I am totally with you on this, it is a wedding, it is serious and it does not need to be overshadowed by any noise or distraction.

I did not feel as strongly before I went to my cousin's wedding and three tots screamed all the way through, inc cousin's own child despite the 'kids table' with crayons and toys. They just used the toys to hit each other with and cry.

It was awful and did ruin the wedding. That and the monsoon rain.

You need to have an agreement with each family individually about their choices of childcare for the duration of the ceremony spelling out clearly that no children will be present for the vows. You have organised childcare, they may wish to make their own arrangements for their own children and I think it is a very good idea.

Not that the op should have a child friendly wedding, just replying to the bouncy floor comment...

YANBU! I couldn’t hear my best friend’s vows, despite being Maid of Honour (so right up at the front) because her SIL had insisted not only on bringing her 18 month old twins but also sitting with them in the front row! They babbled all throughout it, which was incredibly annoying! They were happy and enjoying themselves, not crying, but it was still far too noisy and distracting. SIL obviously thought they were adorable!

Bluelady are you unable to read the explanations of why many parents wouldn't leave a 2 year old with a stranger? Are you one of those women who thinks specifically targeting your spite at women makes men like you? Why are you so sure it's women only who are aware that many 2 year olds would scream non stop if handed over to and left with somebody they'd never met in an unfamiliar place?

@conkergame The brides SIL had brought her twins? So they would be her nephews or nieces, no? Her brother's children or her fiance's brother's children? I bet you a million pounds that when you're both 60 your best friend will still have a relationship with them and could easily have lost touch with you.

Anyway. OP. Sorry to say that your bro will probably not take your nephew out if he makes a noise. I think you're going to have to accept that or ban small children from the ceremony and don't bother providing any childcare, and take the ear bashing.

OR you could get the venue to pretend they don't have insurance for under 18s in the ceremony room (but conveniently do everywhere else)??

Evelyn

Our weddings always involve a great deal of Scottish dancing - difficult to do if you don't have a hard floor ;)

Although now that I think it's not particularly child-friendly - with all that birling and whatnot you're taking your life in your hands...

Seriously, you need to find your inner bridezilla. I had to tell my MIL-to-be that if I arrived at the wedding venue to find she had smuggled in a grandkid (as she'd 'mischeviously' hinted she might), I would turn around and go home (Would I have done it? I don't know, but the threat did the trick!).

Yes, people are going to be funny about it, but people are funny about all kinds of things when it comes to weddings. It's your wedding; you decide how it's going to be, and politely but firmly stick to it. It's one day - people will get over it. Anyway, you can never please everyone. This is as good a time as any to start setting some boundaries and asserting yourself with your family.

Our wedding was almost ruined by a guest who brought his four kids 16-21 who wouldn't stop laughing at everything and making rude comments and pulling faces. They also had a food fight and generally spoiled the atmosphere. Just saying.

Whatever about it being your day, if I was your guest I would love to enjoy the ceremony without having to supervise my 3. Plus they would be delighted to miss a wedding ceremony for ipads and drawing!

Not any of those things at all, Evelyn. Just a mother who expected her only child to be robust and refused to pander to him. He's managed to reach the age of 43 without being scarred for life so I guess I couldn't have got it completely wrong.

Yes I would