DP eats more than me...

[Cassiopi]

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable (honestly, if I'm being a knob I would rather know). DP and I have just moved in together. Not married and only have joint account for groceries/bills etc. Not ready for fully joint account just yet. I put £20 a week towards shopping and he puts £25. I've been looking at receipts recently and £25 of food is purely what he would eat and £20 is for both of us. Basically, he is paying for things like bars, chocolate, things I don't eat such as desserts and cinnamon bagels. All of the money I put in is going towards meat and veg, for both of us. Is it fair that I am footing the bill for both of us whilst his money just goes on whatever he fancies and non staple foods which I consider junk? Surely our joint money should pay for stuff we both eat and he should pay for goodies for himself? AIBU? Just want to see what your opinions are before I have a word with him!

Half the posters on here are being so dramatic and incredibly unreasonable to you, op. If I was sharing an account with my other half and he constantly dipped into it without my knowledge to buy absolute shit, I'd be annoyed. That sort of food should be coming out of his own account.

For the record, you do not need a joint account to prove your legitimacy as a couple. You do not need a joint account to share your financial responsibilities equally. Do whatever is comfortable, if a joint account for food isn't working, then don't have one 😊

Only read to bottom of page 1.

He should be paying 2/3 of each bill and you paying 1/3 based on your incomes.

So of the £45 food bill he should pay £30 and you pay £15.

you sound fun! how the fuck do two people eat for £45 a week though

Blimey, are you sure you love him OP? You sound really hard work.

And two more posters havent read the thread properly.

Personally the £5 a week for food is so minimal I'd just let it go. Surely the bigger issue for you is needing a larger house for his children? Have you considered having a joint account?

Mm, shouldn't be 50/50 if he's on significantly more money than you, even 40/60 would be better.

Yes op no wonder you are "nit picking" the whole thing is ridiculously unfair!

He's on pretty much double your wage so should be paying two thirds of all household food and bills. And you a third

Right,on mn unless you completely share monies you’ll be told...

None of your list was true, despite your personal obession, Lipstick!

This sounds like 'he earns more but we pay half. My money goes on the things we need and his goes on him having fun'.

Sort that out now before you consider buying a bigger house together.

Gosh people are needlessly rude on these threads.

OP, without knowing your full circumstances, it seems very inequitable for your partner to expect 50/50 payments when his needs (from food to housing) are more expensive than yours and you earn so much less.

I would suggest a big picture, ‘how are we going to run this household moneywise’ discussion, rather than a small picture ‘but I don’t eat chocolate bars’ discussion. and it’s the perfect time to do it because you’re just now moving in together.

Before any tricky conversation ask yourself ‘what am I trying to achieve here?’ Presumably you want to feel financially secure, fairly treated, and treasured by your partner. Don’t focus on the groceries, it’s small compared to what you really need to achieve.

I get the impression you are younger than your partner. Don’t ever let a man make you financially vulnerable. Have these chats sooner rather than later.

And good on you for contributing to the cost of someone’s care. I doubt the people being unkind to you on this thread are committing a portion of their limited income to someone vulnerable as you are.

"I can't imagine wanting to make so absolutely sure I wasn't paying a penny over my share that I pore over receipts and begrudge foods that aren't part of a meal. "

Even if the other person earns almost twice what OP does. This is the unfairness here really isn't it? He's well off and being subsidised by her.

If you are living together and in a relationship I'm staggered that you're quibbling like this over food consumption and bills. This does not bode well.

Me and dp just split all bills including food shop in half. If you're pulling apart receipts and feeling hard done by what else do you think is unfair? Do you make him pay higher water bills because he has linger showers? Higher electric because he boils the kettle more often?

My husband and I even when not married just split for the shopping he’s a 16stone 6ft 3 guy so he well eats more than me but it’s just family expenses .

Op ignore the people on this thread with poor comprehension skills.

I would urge you to look at your situation and consider why you are paying 50/50 for a house and bills that subsidise his kids and lifestyle. How is he ok with this?

If you were to live on your own would you be in a better financial situation? It doesn't bode well for your future that he is okay with you financially struggling while subsiding him.