DP eats more than me...

[Cassiopi]

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable (honestly, if I'm being a knob I would rather know). DP and I have just moved in together. Not married and only have joint account for groceries/bills etc. Not ready for fully joint account just yet. I put £20 a week towards shopping and he puts £25. I've been looking at receipts recently and £25 of food is purely what he would eat and £20 is for both of us. Basically, he is paying for things like bars, chocolate, things I don't eat such as desserts and cinnamon bagels. All of the money I put in is going towards meat and veg, for both of us. Is it fair that I am footing the bill for both of us whilst his money just goes on whatever he fancies and non staple foods which I consider junk? Surely our joint money should pay for stuff we both eat and he should pay for goodies for himself? AIBU? Just want to see what your opinions are before I have a word with him!

Oh ffs

wait a moment,

you are paying 50/50 on all bills, for a bigger house than you personally need, due to his kids?

that's not right.

Anyway, maybe rethink the living together bit.

Sounds like he is taking advantage of you!

I literally can't believe how rude some people are. It's one thing being bluntly honest but calling someone a financial abuser, a twat, showing their DPs for a 'laugh', calling me tight even though I pay 50% of bills and earn £18k less, saying I'm in a disaster of a relationship, that we don't sound like a couple?

@Bundlesmads he doesn't take on more than me. He just earns more. More responsibility doesn't always equal more pay. I'm just starting out my career.

@PurplePirate I have a loan to pay off from my masters and help pay towards the care of a loved one with my brothers.

When DH and I first moved in together we paid proportionally toward rent, bills, shopping etc. He earned more so he paid more but also was left with more.

It's not good that your boyfriend is happy so see you struggle financially while he is sitting pretty. Especially as you are helping to pay for his DC.

You’re that bothered about a 5er?
Also agree with not knowing how on earth you only spend £20 on food a week for two:... do you eat lentils in water?

This is one of those really odd threads, in that the ostensible reason for posting - £25 a week on 'extra' food - is of negligable concern beside the real issue - that in a 'just moved in together' scenario, you are massively subsidising his children, by paying extra rent, council tax and bills to accommodate them. £hundreds probably £thousands a year.

What is going on?

How do you two make decisions?

He should be paying much more than you for all bills as he's earning double. Tight twat of a man and doesn't bode well for the future.

I feel you can feed two people for £20 a week you should write a book

@Bundlesmads but I'm not a man. You're speculating on a different situation now. My gender is irrelevant...

listen OP, I don't know what people are being so harsh to you.

But it really sounds to me your DP is taking advantage of you! The set up is not fair (not so much the food, but all other costs!!!)

Like does that include breakfast and lunch as well? It’s incredibly frugal... we spend about £90 a week on two of us

Dp and I buy our groceries seperately.no split,no tally up.
Going out and Meals out pay Individually
Joint acc for shared expenditure eg nursery,utilities bills

he has children so we needed more bedrooms hence why our outgoings are higher

Why have you accepted this? Imhes the higher earner. If he needs extra bedrooms he pays the extra.

He sounds like a shit catch TBH

Although I do agree that you should split bills proportionately and have a conversation as clearly he hasn’t noticed how skint you are.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.walesonline.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/took-20-weekly-shop-aldi-9714596.amp for everyone who keeps asking

OMG this is madness. Do you sit, count and watch him eating each and every biscuit? £58k a year between you and you are stressing about £5? I really think you need to stop obsessing.

Some people have been very rude op. I suspect had you written your op "Dp has children so he wanted a bigger house, he earns 18k more than me but wants all bills, including rent split, we split groceries just under 50/50 in that I pay £5 less but he then spends a lot more on luxuries in the shopping and I am struggling to make ends meet, aibu to think this is unfair" you would have gotten very different answers, it's clear from your updates yanbu, I think the way you phrased your op meant you and everyone else focused on the wrong thing, you have bigger issues than the groceries I think

@notangelinajolie it's not £58k between us as we don't share all of our money. It's £20k for me and £38k for him.

He’s on nearly twice your income (although tax, so obviously he doesn’t have double the money).

I’d be having a serious chat about splitting everything based on income. I paid more when DH and I started living together as I earned more. He is the main earner now we have kids - I do food shops on my minimal income and tax credits, he pays for everything else.

We just pay for two weeks shopping each. Up to us what we spend on our turn but we make sure the staples are covered 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think I'm going to leave this thread. Thank you everyone for your responses. I didn't come here to be called a twat and an abuser however and find it really tiring so going to say goodbye to this. Thanks for everyone's input.

It’s inevitable,some on mn just cannot fathom individual finances
It simply makes them froth and name call
You had some valid points to make op

ANd yes Aldi is v good value

That Aldi shop has about a days worth of fruit and veg for two people! And 2 pints of milk for two people having cereal everyday!

I agree its wrong that you are paying half of rent and bills on a place that he needs for his kids.

How much is the rent compared to what you could pay just for the 2 of you? You should only pay half of whatever the rent would be on a smaller place, and he pays the rest as they are his kids!

And I would be annoyed if he spent more on junk than meals, who does that?!

I suspect had you written your op "Dp has children so he wanted a bigger house, he earns 18k more than me but wants all bills, including rent split, we split groceries just under 50/50 in that I pay £5 less but he then spends a lot more on luxuries in the shopping and I am struggling to make ends meet, aibu to think this is unfair" you would have gotten very different answers
Spot on! Ignore the rude posts OP