DP eats more than me...

[Cassiopi]

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable (honestly, if I'm being a knob I would rather know). DP and I have just moved in together. Not married and only have joint account for groceries/bills etc. Not ready for fully joint account just yet. I put £20 a week towards shopping and he puts £25. I've been looking at receipts recently and £25 of food is purely what he would eat and £20 is for both of us. Basically, he is paying for things like bars, chocolate, things I don't eat such as desserts and cinnamon bagels. All of the money I put in is going towards meat and veg, for both of us. Is it fair that I am footing the bill for both of us whilst his money just goes on whatever he fancies and non staple foods which I consider junk? Surely our joint money should pay for stuff we both eat and he should pay for goodies for himself? AIBU? Just want to see what your opinions are before I have a word with him!

Thanks OP this has given me and dp a really good laugh! Are you sure you are ready to live together? You sound like housemates/students lol

So you're subsidising his children? That's not 'early stage relationship' behaviour. That's 'way down the line serious commitment' behaviour.

Are you paying 50/50 on rent because he needed more bedrooms for his kids op?
What happens food wise when the kids are over?

You and your dp are easily amused if individual accounts induces really good laugh

@Snowysky20009 I am just trying to get by and not go in to my overdraft however glad you and DP had fun laughing at my expense. You must be lovely people.

Quite

Seriously I'm just amazed and can't get over how little you spend on food each week. I'm not being weird asking but what does you shopping comprise? Do you make absolutely everything from raw ingredients? Where do you shop??!

If you needed extra bedrooms for his kids please tell me he pays more than half the rent!

How long have you been together OP? Who will pay for the extra food when his children stay?

You could say the OP is ‘nitpicking’ over a few quid, you could also say the DP is penny pinching over a few who’d given that he earns almost double and eats twice the value in find shop. Why is she unreasonable, and he not?

@somuchsnow we shop at Aldi. £4 on fruit/veg (we have frozen stuff like peas which last a few weeks so don't always need to buy), frozen fish/pies & fresh meat about £8/9, always a few leftover things in freezer that we use from week before, squash 85p, bread 70p, eggs £1.50, loo roll we buy in bulk monthly so not on monthly shop, always have rice and pasta by the masses, few other bits if we need them. It doesn't cost much...

Jesus. Just read this out to my DH. He is Vegetarian and I’m not. Apparently I owe him 20 years worth of money for my diet choices.

He should run as far away from you as fast as he can. You are a financial abuser.

@Bundlesmads financial abuser is a bit harsh. We pay 50/50 for everything else and he's on £18k more than me so I'm hardly abusing him.

So you buy £20 worth of carefully chosen food that you both like and eat.
He buys £25 worth of crap only he likes?
Plus you pay half of all the bills for him and his kids despite earning considerably less.

NO NO NO OP!!
If you are paying higher bills because of his kids then he needs to pay more towards those bills!

Your dh is the arbitrator of good decision on mn
What’s your opinion without referencing him?

He should be paying proportionally more than you towards household costs based on his higher earnings. DH and I have always done this (though it's switched between us who earns more at different times).

It doesn't seem like much at all for food. My teen daughter is home alone next week and I've given her £35 to shop with she'll probably feed her boyfriend and mates a couple of nights for that but they chip in too.

So there's your issue. why are you paying 50/50 leaving you with less disposable income?

Because he takes on more responsibility than her at work and earns more?

If a man was demanding the same you’d be calling him a cock lodger.

It’s totally cringe when folk rock up and say..my dp said,my dp thinks
As if it matters more than any other mn opinion and us ladies need to listen up because man has spoken

I'm on £20k a year and have large outgoings (for numerous reasons)

Intrigued as to what these are.

I don't know if you are being U or not, but if you can't afford your current set up and you're going into the red then something needs to change.

Talk to your DP about it.

Financial abuser Bundlesmad are you for real? Have you read the full thread?

But you pay 50/50 for food too. You’ve decided that your 50% pays for all the worthy stuff and his 50% pays for biscuits and chocolate.

Honestly, if you were a man coming on here complaining your wife bought biscuits and chocolate so the fat bitch should pay more you’d be handed your arse on a plate.

We go through our receipts and keep a running tally of who owes what. It mostly balances our, but we have it in our excel finance sheets anyway. We don't split groceries evenly cause I have coeliac disease and gluten free stuff is much more expensive. It certainly doesn't make us less of a couple and it's hardly that much effort. We've been together 10 years and we're doing fine despite our receipt splitting! Everything else is split proportional to our income. It all works out nicely. I think that taking a few minutes to 'pick over a few quid' is beneficial to a relationship because it removes any hard feelings about someone paying more than their share.