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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Black hair in baby daddy's bath

130 replies

mummytomaxwell · 20/03/2018 19:46

Me and my partner decided it would be best for me to move out with our little one 5 weeks ago. We still text a couple of times a day and I've been round there three times. He tells me he wants us to live together again and how much he misses us.
Today I took our little boy round to see him and I went up for a wee and to my surprise there was a big lump of black hair in his bath. He's bald so it's definitely not his.
I still have feelings for him so I'm probably over reacting but I'm not sure why there would be any hair in his bath if he's on his own.

I know we arent really together kind of just seeing each other etc but AIBU for being upset about it?

OP posts:
MNHQ
RivkaMumsnet · 20/03/2018 21:40

Hi there,

Just a friendly reminder that Mumsnet is all about making parents' lives easier.

We have received some reports about posts on this thread and will remove any that aren't in the spirit of Mumsnet or that break Talk guidelines in other ways.

Thanks Smile

LadyLapsang · 20/03/2018 21:42

I have a genuine question about the term baby daddy, with reference to the link to the explanation citing the Obama's and also to the reference to Kate and Will upthread; would one refer to their husband and father of their children as baby daddy? I always thought it referred to someone who had not been married to their partner / father of their child and - usually - was no longer with them( either at all or not in an exclusive relationship). Do married women commonly use it as a term of endearment for their husband?

RedBlackberries · 20/03/2018 21:44

What do you want to happen relationship wise right now. Is it appealing him talking about you guys getting back together or is it the fact it'd make the early weeks easier? You've really got to think about what you want from him because he's got a duty to provide (in every way including emotionally). You're probably really vulnerable right now and honestly it doesn't look good.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/03/2018 21:47

Op, does he pay maintenance?he needs to meet his financial commitments
Are you well supported?family?friends?

LadyLapsang · 20/03/2018 21:48

Obamas not Obama's!

Daffodildainty · 20/03/2018 21:49

So something v similar happened when ex H and I were on the verge of divorce. I found a number of long red curly hairs in our shower. We had a monumental row and he vigorously denied having another woman in the house, couple of weeks later my DD then aged 6 and a horse fanatic was having a shower in our bathroom and brought with her a toy large horse with flowing red curly mane and I realised that the thing that had no plausible explanation whatsoever actually did have an explanation. Oh how my ex laughed when I told him -NOT

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/03/2018 21:50

senoritabonita
I thought the expression was from America and looked this up after your post. It is noted as African American English and probably influenced by Jamaican creole. I don’t think the comments are meant to be racist, I think they posters are purists about British English. However, yes, the comments are unnecessary.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/03/2018 21:54

British English language can and does accommodate dialect and accents
The fey pretence at not understanding is an affectation,to be rude.not about linguistics

LadyLapsang · 20/03/2018 21:54

OP, YANBU for being upset. I imagine most of us would be devastated if our DH / DP were unfaithful, especially while our child was a baby / toddler and we were just getting used to being a parent.

Ariesgirl1988 · 20/03/2018 21:56

you may just be being upset over pubes. Grin I actually just choked on my drink laughing at this! LOL

@mummytomaxwell Really if you're gonna get back together and you can't move past what you found you're gonna have to ask him about it...what shocks me is he asked you and your son to move out because he didn't wanna be with you! I find that really selfish of him tbh but that's my opinion. Hopefully you get it sorted and decide what you want

Cupofteaandtoilet · 20/03/2018 22:00

mummytomaxwell, YANBU. I think you should ask him about the hair; to have a future together you have to communicate. If you're satisfied with his answer still put yourself and your baby first and don't rush back. If he's worth it he will understand and will wait for you.

Rudi44 · 20/03/2018 22:09

Why are people feeling the need to pull the OP up on the baby daddy thing and yet can't offer any sensible advice to someone going through a tough time.

Op you need to mention it otherwise it's going to niggle away at you.

Original poster
mummytomaxwell · 20/03/2018 22:15

I'm 20, have a 4 month old baby and live on my own. My other half has blonde/ginger pubes and they certainly aren't long and black. I apologise that my use of language was so awful for you all. I just wanted some advice...

OP posts:
Sowhyaskme51 · 20/03/2018 22:16

I really feel for you and its a shame that a lot of people are treating this as a laugh but I also think that you should ask him about it.

Just out of interest (and I am bracing myself here for the backlash from all the comedians!), does the child have any toys with black hair?? Could it have been something it came from a dolly or a bear or something (you did say it was a "clump" of black hair as opposed to "strands" of hair..)...Something that the child may have had in the bath?? Just a thought..
XXXXXXXXXXXXX (Do yourself a favour and ask him???)

Neverender · 20/03/2018 22:20

OP - ignore them, they know what you mean, they're just choosing to be ignorant and rude. If they really didn't understand then they could google it.

I'd say you already know the answer but don't be afraid to hit ask him - it may be a relative or a friend came over. Congrats on your baby x

Neverender · 20/03/2018 22:21

Just ask him - don't hit him!! Smile

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/03/2018 22:23

No please don’t apologise about baby daddy,it’s an understandable term
Practical level,does he pay maintenance?whos the owner/tenant of flat you left
Do you have good family and/or friends?

GorgeousJaws · 20/03/2018 22:23

I apologise for being obtuse OP, genuinely.

You're going to have to ask him if you want peace of mind.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/03/2018 22:27

Even if you asked him, he could probably come up with a fangled plausible explanation.

Why did you break up the first time? If trust is a persisting issue in your relationship then I think you might have to really consider just letting him go entirely and raising your child solo until further notice.

GrannyGrissle · 20/03/2018 22:31

Ignore the fake misunderstanding Baby Daddy and race row stuff OP. You have so much already to deal with. Sometimes i feel ashamed to be a part of mn and the way you've been treated on this thread is one of those times.
Would it be easier to text and ask about the bath, say it's been playing on your mind? Have you support in real life ? It might be worth asking MN admin to move this to relationships as it's rather more civilised there.
If it turns out your suspicions are right you are plenty young enough to find someone new and start a fresh many many times! Keep busy by going to baby groups if you can and try to build a strong network of friends to help take your mind off things and your HV will be a good source of support. Flowers

Original poster
mummytomaxwell · 20/03/2018 22:32

I asked him and he said it's mine. We haven't lived together for 6 weeks. He also claimed it's from when i dyed my hair red. Although I'm sure the hair would have been blonde or red not black. I want to trust him but I think there's possibly another explanation to it 😣

OP posts:
boboismylove · 20/03/2018 22:34

re. babby daddy - I think its a useful term to refer to your baby's dad who you currently have an ambiguous relationship with, whether or not you are married. I think BD would be useful addition to the mumsnet acronyms Grin

MamaDuckling · 20/03/2018 22:34

Unfortunately that's quite suspicious OP... if neither you or he have black hair. How did he handle your confrontation, was he chilled, defensive?

Do you want to be with him? Who instigated the separation and why?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/03/2018 22:35

Your HV will know of groups,sessions for young mothers, could be good distraction
Make sure he pays maintenance for his child. It’s essential he is supportive
Ask him outright are you seeing anyone. Be prepared he might say,yes
Given you’ve split up he can date & see other Women

boboismylove · 20/03/2018 22:37

and YANBU OP Flowers