To want a home birth?

[InMemoryOfSleep]

I’m not pregnant (yet), but chatting to my mum and some friends recently I mentioned I’d like a home birth next time. Their reactions weren’t positive, to say the least - despite me explaining that, for a 2nd baby, home birth is as safe as an MLU, and both are safer than a hospital. They’ve made me really doubt myself - having read the research and stats I was convinced it’s the best option, but am I missing something?!

@Mintychoc - it wasn’t a sarky comment, it was a question.

I had a home birth. It went wrong. I shouldn't have done it. I live with HUGE guilt.

But from all your replies I can guess you don't really want to know about the negatives and have accepted all the positive birth movement bullshit. I know, because I did it too.

Seriously don't do it if you are anymore than 10-15 minutes away from a hospital at normal driving speed and just pray you've got a decent ambulance service near you.

I had a homebirth with my 2nd baby.

My reasons for wanting a homebirth were that my 1st baby had arrived very quickly and I'd only got to hospital about 45 mins before he was born so I was worried it could be quicker the 2nd time and it would take me even longer to get there as I'd have to get someone to look after DS first (family live 1 hour away, no nearby friends).

2nd baby was quicker (45 mins from first contraction to baby being born). I'd have given birth in the car on the way to the hospital if I'd tried for a hospital birth. As it was the midwife only arrived in time to catch the baby. My mum didn't make it in time to look after my older child.

I remember one mother at our local toddler group being really frosty with me when she realised I'd had a homebirth. She told me her child would have died if she'd tried to have him at home but if that had applied to my child she'd have died in the car on the way to the hospital.

You just have to weigh up your options according to your own circumstances. I found it difficult to decide as there was no way of knowing for sure that my 2nd baby would be quick / quicker than the 1st.

God how amazing to have two midwives with you the whole time. I was left in a bathroom with just my husband for hours.
As it turned out ds was back to back and needed rotational forceps but we would have had time to get to the hospital for that and who knows, maybe at home with two midwives guiding me ds might have turned himself.

After a first assisted delivery I don't think I'd be 'allowed' a homebirth so I think I will go to the other extreme and ask for c-section so I'm never in the situation again that I'm in agony for hours by myself not knowing what's going on and feeling out of control.

I gave birth in a MLU attached to a hospital with my first two, then had a home birth with my third. HB was by far the best experience. We had two midwives with us the whole time - one for me, one for the baby. They listened to what I wanted and gave me the space I needed to labour comfortably. They also remembered to check how far along I was in labour, which didn't happen with my first birth.

With the two MLU births I had one MW who popped in every now and then. The first MW didn't believe me when I said the baby was coming so everything was a bit scrambled when she realised I was right. The second was better than the first as the MW actually listened to me when she turned up to check on me and I told her I was ready to push; baby was born about 30 seconds later.

The HB MWs had more time to spend on me because they were there just for me, not having to manage several women at once. They were highly experienced - both had been MWs for something like 20 years - so could tell when things were progressing well or not. When I called to let them know I was in labour they alerted the ambulance team in the area so the paramedics were prepared to attend if necessary.

I loved my HB. It was a wonderful experience, without the stress that I had felt with the other two births. Being at home helped me feel more in control, and I had an easier time establishing breastfeeding too.

If you want a home birth and are low risk then go for it. Your MW should talk you through procedure, including what would happen in an emergency.

They’re amazing if all goes well. They’re devastating if something goes wrong. Your body, your decision. Personally, I wanted to be by as many doctors and the best medical care as I could for both myself and my baby.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens I am so sorry for what you experienced but no one on here is pushing for "bullshit".

Many of us are just giving the statistics and different options rather than just basing on scary anecdotes. Statistically there is no difference between homebirth and hospital birth for #2s. See my post further up the thread which listed my reasons I am choosing a homebirth with #2.

@IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens I’m so sorry to hear you had an awful experience - that is my absolute biggest fear, that if something did go wrong, would it be my fault for having a home birth? But my understanding is that a lot of things that go wrong in home births would have also gone wrong in hospital births, and the outcomes wouldn’t necessarily have been different had the woman been in hospital. Either way, I definitely wouldn’t say aiming for a positive outcome for Mum and baby is ‘bullshit’.

Not sure. With my second I had to be stitched up. As stitching was close to urinary tract the doctor had to stitch and I needed a catheter for 24 hours. Whilst I would have survived a home birth, it would have been a nuisance having to go into hospital with baby after all. I personally wouldn't choose a home birth.

3 births - first at home. Before my first I absolutely hated the idea of being in hospital (for anything, really) but esp labour. So it was a planned HB.
Unfortunately I think it's a bit of a lottery how well things go for you - either way (HB or hospital).
My (planned) HB was a nightmare; incompetent (and underqualified) midwives f*&g up my pain relief; ended up needing stitches which they wouldn't do at home so had done in hospital - where the same incompetent MW told the dr that I don't need pain relief (!!!).
Two terrible nights in hospital with my baby struggling to bf while being told off by MWs for having her at home.
Other two births - second one was a breeze; brilliant MW at hospital with great pain relief. Third was a total mixed bag.

Because it's so unpredictable I wouldn't again opt for a HB, as being in a hospital really just gives you many more options. I think having an assertive birth partner who understands what you want is also a major factor (whether at home or in hospital).

Also - how are you with pain? This is a massive consideration IMO. Water made things worse for me during my HB; nothing really took the edge of in the way the G&A did when it was actually there.
Pain relief with my second & third also really de-traumatised the whole experience.

All that spoken purely from the birthing mother's perspective.

Ito medical risks or otherwise to both mother and baby: I know when I was desperate to give birth at home (i'm not saying you are, OP), I would not be persuaded that it was less risky for me to be in hospital.
But with hindsight - and in our circumstances where we live, in the middle of London - I can see that it is, and I have to live with the choice I made.

I had 3 out of 4 at home.

The first was in hospital, I refused intervention on the grounds it was protocol and not medically necessary. Protocol dictated that intervention took place after two hours of pushing. Instead I was monitored and pushed him out after three hours, no tearing/cutting/forceps. Healed very quickly and discharged the next morning.

This paved the way for subsequent births.

DC4 was two weeks late, and we were made aware that we had a greater chance of being taken in, and were on stand-by.

I had a friend who is a registrar - she would categorically not entertain the notion of a HB, such is her idea of medicalisation of birthing. You have to be comfortable with the idea yourself, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Prepare for every eventuality, have your bag packed.

In my experience, it’s a wonderful thing.

Absolutely yes to the assertive birth partner who understands. I had friends who had had babies, not DH in with me. Far more useful!

The statistics for death of the baby is really low for a home birth. Some people are those statistics. If in worse case scenario the baby dies because you're not in the hospital you have to be able to live with that. If you can then go for it.

I'm dutch and home births are more common here. I won't ever warn the mother against it but I wouldn't choose it for myself either. Stillborn rates are also much higher here, on par with a third world country.

how long it takes to prep for theatre anyway (approx. 20 minutes for both we were told)

You were given wrong information. Obstetric theatres are ready 24/7 and from time of decision in the room that you need an emergency section, to the baby being out and receiving treatment from the neonatal/paediatricians in a crash section can be as little as 6 minutes (although it will take longer to finish the operation nd wake you up).

thegrumpallo You do still have pain relief options beyond just water at home birth.

Home Birth pain relief options include G&A and Pethidine
www.nct.org.uk/birth/managing-pain-during-home-birth

Interestingly though, women who give birth at home consistently rate the experience as less painful than a hospital birth. This may be because they are more relaxed and feel more in control

The trouble is that, as much as people don't want to think about this happening, things can and do go catastrophically wrong. Even in second time deliveries with healthy mothers and uneventful pregnancies.
And the midwives saying 'it is as quick to get a C section from home as it is in the hospital' is absolute rubbish. I have been in situations on labour ward where the baby has been out 4 minutes after making a decision to operate. I have also been in situations waiting with a desperately ill patient in my GP surgery with all the ambulances tied up at a huge accident on the motorway and unable to attend.

If your baby needs resuscitation at birth seconds matter- the time waiting for the ambulance to arrive could be the difference between them being able to live independently or spending a lifetime with disabilities. Any paediatrician will be able to tell you stories of babies on the NICU who have been brought in from home births and the horrible guilt their parents go through.

It is absolutely understandable that people hate hospitals especially after previously traumatic experiences. Most home births will be absolutely fine. It depends on your attitude to risk.

because it’s not necessary, evidence shows that women end up with more interventions and worse outcomes

Like the 90% of women who tear? Or incontinence?

In fairness these risks are avoided by c section and not hospital in general, however the risks of catastrophe occurring, while it’s low, mean your treatment will be delayed.

twittle yes I know.
It wasn't for me though (MWs wouldn't agree to it), and mainly my point was that alot depends on the midwife you have on the day, and also on where you live - as quality of care can vary considerably from one area to the next (and definitely from one HCP to the next IME). It shouldn't but it does.

The vital thing is that if something goes wrong, which happens, How long would it take you to call an ambulance and get to hospital . Minutes count if a baby gets distressed. If you cant do it in less that 10 minutes dont take the risk

MWs can, and often do, the stitching.

Not sure being incontinence in hospital will be any different from at home? I didn't find they helped me with that beyond telling me I need to get my pelvic floor muscles back into shape.

thegrumpallo true, I do live in an area where the you get free hypnobirthing courses which advocate home birth on the NHS

Agree with @TwittleBee a young Midwife did my stitching in the hospital Midwife MWL unit that is attached to my local hospital.

Look. No amount of personal stories or opinions on AIBU can make your decision for you. Some people here have had awful HB/hospital experiences. Some have had great. None of these proves anything. It is anecdotal evidence. You need to look at the full evidence, for yourself, and talk to professionals when you do become pregnant. Only then will you know the nature of your circumstances, health and pregnancy, which will play a large part in the decision process.

Of course it's not BU to want one at this stage. If you feel it's right for you then it may be, and I'd seek out reliable and balanced information. I really think that starting this thread will leave you in more doubt, as so many posts are strongly one-sided and individual.

Sorry if this sounds a bit cross. It annoys me to see so much vitriol being slung around when every one of us makes the birth decision we most believe to be safe and right for our babies.

100% an individual choice. I wouldn't do it myself because I couldn't live with it if something went wrong, but I would never judge anyone for it. None of my business whatsoever.

QuercusQuercus well said.

And OK remember you can make the choice right up to labour and even then you can change your mind. So just prepare yourself for both options and do what you feel is right at the time xx