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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a home birth?

650 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 08:28

I’m not pregnant (yet), but chatting to my mum and some friends recently I mentioned I’d like a home birth next time. Their reactions weren’t positive, to say the least Confused - despite me explaining that, for a 2nd baby, home birth is as safe as an MLU, and both are safer than a hospital. They’ve made me really doubt myself - having read the research and stats I was convinced it’s the best option, but am I missing something?!

OP posts:
TwittleBee · 20/03/2018 12:34

*OP

ToastyFingers · 20/03/2018 12:37

It seems akin to swapping chemotherapy for essential oils.

What is something goes wrong? Do you have your husband boil water and tear bedsheets into strips?

Very funny. My local midwife team has a sustained rate of 23-28% of homebirths per year.

Apparently roughly a quarter of mums in my area are into 'woke bullshit'.

ToastyFingers · 20/03/2018 12:38

OP if you've done your research and feel like a homebirth is for you, I think you should go for it.

LaurieMarlow · 20/03/2018 12:38

If your baby needs resuscitation at birth seconds matter- the time waiting for the ambulance to arrive could be the difference between them being able to live independently or spending a lifetime with disabilities.

Instances that I know of personally where birth trauma has caused severe disabilities have all occurred in hospital and the cause has been inadequate monitoring during labour (which is less likely to happen in a home birth).

Yet no-one talks about these kinds of outcomes in this debate.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 12:46

@QuercusQuercus totally agree with what you’re saying, but I wasn’t planning to make my decision based on the MN jury Grin as I’ve mentioned I’ve done lots of research, I was just interested to hear people’s opinions and try to understand where the negativity is coming from.

OP posts:
Ohforfoxsakereturns · 20/03/2018 12:49

The MWs bring all the stuff, including a resus kit. Prepare for the best case scenario is my advice. You can choose to transfer to hospital if you feel you want to.
I had two qualified and experienced midwives with me the whole time, and they would have accompanied me to hospital and stayed had it been necessary. I received better care than I would have if I had gone in.
I can only share my experience, and you’ll make your own mind up, but good luck whatever you decide. (A cup of tea in my own mug, a shower in my own bathroom and clean sheets in my own bed with a newborn - it doesn’t get any better Grin)

Dipitydoda · 20/03/2018 12:51

To all the people saying emergency c sections can take a long time to be actioned, I think it needs to be made clear an emergency c section is just one that isn’t planned. Within that there are many catergories of women. Yes the one who isn’t progressing but mother and baby are fine (the vast majority) can wait a while. But the ones where they press the big red button people run with you to theatre (yes run). Someone grasps hold of your throat to stop aspiration whilst they put you under have the baby out in 6 -10 minutes of the big red button being pushed. My team managed 6, as did the team looking after my friend (different hospital) 2weeks earlier. Friend who had an aneurysm minutes after giving birth was having brain surgery shortly after which gave her DD just enough time to cuddle her mum once (all low risk pregnancies)

QuercusQuercus · 20/03/2018 12:58

@InMemoryOfSleep Fair enough, and I'm really not cross at your question, more the nature of some of the responses.

I imagine you've now got a good picture of the various types of negativity! Grin

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 20/03/2018 13:06

The birth place study is pretty conclusive that home or mlu is the safest place for low risk women having their second baby to give birth so why would you risk a labour Ward? I'm not low risk but if I was I wouldn't take the chance if a poorer outcome by choosing a hospital birth.

I always think of two cord prolapses I have seen. One at home, one in a hospital four rooms down from the theatre. The home birth baby spent one day in SCBU and did well. The hospital birth baby died. People make more of a difference than place to birth outcome. At least at home you have one to one care.

TheCatFromOuterSpace · 20/03/2018 13:09

I had my second at home. I felt much safer with my own midwife, who had nothing to do except observe me, than I did in hospital with my first baby, with a succession of busy, harassed looking midwives occasionally popping in to see me.

If you are a low risk woman in hospital, then the midwives won't be paying you much attention. In hospital midwives might have better resources to deal with a problem if it arises, but the chances are that it will take longer for them to notice the problem than if you had their undivided attention.

For that reason alone, I would choose a home birth again.

shesakeeper · 20/03/2018 13:11

Dipitydoda is right. I was one of those women for whom the big red button was pushed. And thank god they got my son out so quickly, or he'd have died.

blinkineckmum · 20/03/2018 13:13

More anecdotal evidence to help you make up your mind.
Dc1-midwife unit. Baby b2b. 12 hours of contractions every minute but only got to 3cm so transferred to hospital for drip, epidural, episiotomy and ventouse.
Dc2-midwife unit. Uncomplicated quick delivery.
Dc3-midwife unit. B2b. Long pushing stage and 3rd degree tear. Transferred to hospital for spinal and repair.

I found all 3 births very scary and painful and would have hated to have been at home. The saving grace was feeling so well looked after each time.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 13:14

@TheCatFromOuterSpace absolutely I would be worried if I was left alone that something was quietly going wrong and no one had noticed. And I can imagine it must be hugely stressful as well if you’re stuck in a hospital room alone and midwives aren’t paying you any attention. I was so lucky with my first, giving birth at an MLU, that the midwife stayed with me the whole time.

OP posts:
Busybusybust · 20/03/2018 13:16

I had a home birth with my fourth. Mainly because my labours were getting faster and faster and I nearly gave birth to no. 3 on the hospital staircase. Hospital is only 10 minutes away. It was very fast and overall a lovely experience The GP (who had a 3 minute stroll from the surgery) missed the event competely!

Go for it.

Gottokondo · 20/03/2018 13:20

I was just interested to hear people’s opinions and try to understand where the negativity is coming from.

I didn't want to mention it upthread but one of my colleagues got to hold her dying baby boy at home waiting for an ambulance. It wasn't a planned home birth birth though, it just was too quick to get help. These stories tend to spread quickly because it's so tragic. People arent trying to be negative to give you a bad feeling, they just wouldn't ever put the life of their baby in danger for more comfort or less tearing. It's a bit naive to think that your baby can't die. It is very very rare but it does happen. There is no guarantee that it won't happen to you. The chances are however so low that it is your choice to risk it. The people here just want to protect you from similar heartbreak. They mean well.

kaytee87 · 20/03/2018 13:21

@Gottokondo the stats show that for a low risk second pregnancy it's safer to birth at home so in that case are these people that are choosing to go to hospital instead not putting their babies at more risk than those staying home?

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 13:24

@Gottokondo hmm, I do see your point about people ‘meaning well’, however in no way would I be choosing home birth for my own selfish reasons. The whole point for me is that comparable outcomes (ie 2nd labour, low risk) - for Mum and baby - are better in a home birth than a hospital. I wonder whether your colleague would have had a different outcome in hospital?

OP posts:
appleblossomtree · 20/03/2018 13:28

You will always meet people who had traumatic situations therefore see homebirth as a 'risky business'.

However, I find people are less likely to consider whether over-medicalisation/cascade of intervention/clinical environment has any bearing on thier outcome.

Everyone has their own 'risks'. Homebirth can be very safe too. Look up the evidence and make your decisions based on research

TwittleBee · 20/03/2018 13:29

Gottokondo there's also more risk to baby the more medical intervention there is. Therefore by your comment it could be said that women are who risk and/or take the option for medical intervention are putting their baby in danger.

(I must admit that knowing how greater the risks are by having an epidural I was racked with guilt when I was advised to have one and took it. Especially following the complications afterwards.)

TwittleBee · 20/03/2018 13:31

There's chances in all scenarios that something can go wrong. Which is why the statistics clearly show it is as safe to have a homebirth as it is in a hospital and there are less interventions/complications for a homebirth.

TheCatFromOuterSpace · 20/03/2018 13:48

@InMemoryOfSleep my first baby was technically high risk so I was in the proper hospital not the mlu. However, labour was progressing very slowly so I was mostly left alone on the ward but with my curtains closed. There was a sudden panic when a routine internal revealed that I was fully dilated Shock. I don't make much noise in labour so the midwives were focusing on other women.

Contrast that with my second labour, at home, with my own midwife. I declined internals, but I recall the midwife saying that she thought I was nearly ready to push, sure enough a few minutes later I could feel the head coming down. She could tell that just by observing me.

Snowmagedon · 20/03/2018 13:56

I'm with violet.
Just recently in the the news a baby died from complications from the home birth they couldn't get baby to hospital fast enough. I just think it's too much risk and I don't understand why intervention is viewed as the enemy.
Intervention has saved most of my close friends lives!! In labour.
I had a long chat to a very enlightened consultant about this and she was very clear it's a chicken and egg scenario.. Ie woman who is screaming for epidural might actually be in more pain!

Your not scanned just before you give birth so they have no idea what position baby is in... And they can't guess or tell if baby has cord round neck or drank muconium etc.

Having said that.... I firmly believe if I you take into account these risks then do it. The bottom line is can you live with yourself if something does go wrong, is birthing at home that critical to you. Good luck with whatever you choose...

kaytee87 · 20/03/2018 14:00

People keep saying 'could you live with yourself'. If a women has a low risk pregnancy and goes into hospital with her second child and something sadly goes wrong then technically how could she 'live with herself' as she chose the riskier option?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/03/2018 14:02

I wouldn't.

Both my labours were difficult, though neither was predicted to be.
Both times I was very grateful for expert assistance available before the baby was in distress.
Labour is only ever normal in hindsight.

What is the point of labour - a relatively relaxing time for the mother, or a healthy baby at the end of it?

appleblossomtree · 20/03/2018 14:05

Babies die in hospital too....

No one wants thier baby to die. But the hospital doesn't 'save' every poorly baby.