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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go?

101 replies

CaptainCabinets · 19/03/2018 20:54

It's a wedding one!

DP and I were invited to his close friend's wedding in May. We both booked the day off work and have just found out that the bride has de-invited us (and the majority of the groom's friends) from the ceremony to cut costs - but didn't scratch a single member of her family/friends off the guest list. For background, she's controlling and rather horrid in many ways (constantly badgers him to come home when he's out with friends - at 8:30!) They don't have kids.

So WIBU to just not go? I know how expensive weddings can be but deinviting your HTB's friends from the ceremony (without consulting him!) is so fucking rude?!

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 19/03/2018 20:56

It's rude - don't go! Doesn't sound like you approve of the marriage anyway

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 20:57

How can you go if you're now not invited
? Is it both of you or just you?

nowwheredidmyunicorngo · 19/03/2018 20:57

So you are still invited to the evening 'second rank' party?

I wouldn't go tbh. I hate evenings invites anyway, unless it's a crowd of work colleagues going together. Sorry OP but sounds like it might be a PITA anyway.....

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2018 20:57

To the evening I presume? Don’t go.

GreenTulips · 19/03/2018 20:57

I think she means the wedding and wedding breakfast but the party is still on

AthenasOwl · 19/03/2018 20:58

Well if you've been de-invited then don't go.
They sound really rude anyway, never heard of anyone being de-invited from a wedding! Do people actually do that?

Idontdowindows · 19/03/2018 20:58

I wouldn't go and I would let his friend know exactly why too.

NewYearNewMe18 · 19/03/2018 20:58

Have you received a formal invitation to the ceremony - ie a paper one?
How were you disinvited?

Original poster
CaptainCabinets · 19/03/2018 20:58

I don't, neither of us do really! But we do both think a lot of the groom, just not at all keen on her. He's not allowed to breathe without her permission Angry

OP posts:
HairyToity · 19/03/2018 20:58

How rude!

Original poster
CaptainCabinets · 19/03/2018 21:00

Sorry yes - still invited to the reception.

Yeah we had a paper invite to the ceremony - church and wedding breakfast but have been informed by her that we're now only invited to the reception Hmm

OP posts:
Bundlesmads · 19/03/2018 21:01

Hmmm. Odd. Has the stag happened yet? How did that go off? Are you sure you’re getting the full story?

If I heard that many of the grooms friends had been disinvited this close to the date I would be thinking that the bride had something to be angry with them about...

NewYearNewMe18 · 19/03/2018 21:02

I'd stir it and clarify with the groom

How do you know she didn't trim her side of the list too ?

AthenasOwl · 19/03/2018 21:02

Wow I didn't think that was even a thing. It does seem very rude. I probably wouldn't go but I'm not a fan of weddings in general. How would your dh's friends react if you didn't turn up?

AthenasOwl · 19/03/2018 21:03

I mean how would the groom react if your dh didn't turn up.

Original poster
CaptainCabinets · 19/03/2018 21:03

Nope, stag/hen haven't happened yet (we're both invited to the respective dos but I think I might be washing my hair that night!)

She's always been very much 'my friends/family come first, his are always second'. Gosh, writing it down is cathartic!!

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2018 21:03

Speak to the groom. I’d be pissed off.

RadioGaGoo · 19/03/2018 21:04

I just cannot get over how rude this is. I'd be incredibly embarrassed if my intended did this.

TheRebel · 19/03/2018 21:04

That’s so rude! I don’t even understand how this could happen? Surely one of the first things you check is how many guests you can have when you book your ceremony.

Original poster
CaptainCabinets · 19/03/2018 21:04

DP asked the groom! He looked sheepish (as is his way, doesn't like to upset anyone) and he confirmed that his friends have been culled but none of hers had. It's sad Sad

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2018 21:06

I really wouldn’t be able to go. It’s outrageous. I’ve never heard of that happening before.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 19/03/2018 21:07

I have a hard and fast rule that I only ever attend the weddings of people I love so this one would be super easy to reply "so sorry, we have plans that weekend, here's to a wonderful day for you both you fucking nobjockeys " (the last part is optional).

Original poster
CaptainCabinets · 19/03/2018 21:07

I think the groom would be heartbroken if his friends didn't come to the reception, that is the single reason I would even consider going. I know he's going to have a fucking ball and chain when she gets that ring on her finger so I don't want him to feel totally abandoned Sad he's a lovely guy!

OP posts:
Bunchofdaffodils · 19/03/2018 21:08

I’m speechless, is he SURE he wants to marry her?!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2018 21:09

The groom might be heartbroken but he’s being a total sap, how can he let her do this? Seriously, the chance of him being able to see his friends after he’s married are zero. You all might as well accept that’s the way it’ll be.