Aibu? To have left friend's birthday night out

[Spoolie]

Sorry this is a bit of a long one. We'd all gotten ready for a friend's birthday night out on Saturday (going for a meal and then drinks and dancing) and I'd bought a dress that I felt comfy and dare I say it- pretty in. I've been loosing weight slowly (2 stone off) ever since having my DD 6 months ago. I was overweight before I got pg by an determined to lead a healthy lifestyle so my daughter doesn't end up like I did.

Anyway so we were all at my friend's getting ready, my friend commented on my dress saying it was lovely when a friend of my friend (I know her by name but that's about it) commented "oh but it's not really clubby? Is it. Still I suppose it covers all the lumps and bumps!" I was a bit at this but I let it go because I'm not petty but somehow the conversation got on to dieting because someone in the group was doing the Cambridge diet and I shared about my weight loss too and that I was still dieting. This woman pipes up then that "holy Christ you must have been huge to start with then". Now I don't know this woman really but have always been friendly when in group situations and I don't know why she would say something like that. Me being anxious old me just made it into a joke and laughed it off so I don't think the other girls really remembered the comment or wanted to say anything but it was a bit awkward for a while.

I didn't want to cause an atmosphere so just stayed out of conversation from then on really but the final straw came when we were at the restaurant later and when the waiter came over and i ordered I wanted she then went "oh I thought you were on a diet shouldn't you be having a salad?" And laughed. I was just so embarrassed at this point that I just said to my friend that I was going home and to have a nice evening and left. My friend text me the morning after and we hadn't a bit of an argument about it as she thinks I overreacted and that it was just her friend's sense of humour and I shouldn't be so sensitive. AIBU to have been upset by this? Or have I been immature? I know I wasn't probably BU for walking off but I was close to tears at that point and feeling really attacked and unsupported by my friend. Feeling quite isolated as it is and i was really looking forward to a night out to have fun and now I just feel bad/guilty.

YANBU

What a nasty bully, you did right to just leave. As a PP said, text your 'friend' the link to this thread.

Some people do constantly rip the piss out of each other-fine if they are both OK with it.

But starting on a virtual stranger?

Nooo!

YANBU. What a nasty cow! Congrats on your weight loss OP, I bet you look fab 💜

Yanbu. Your so called friend should have said something and stuck up for you. Her friend sounds like a bitch. Well done on weight loss.

I just wanted to add my support here, this mutual friend was being a bully, and your actual friend should have stood up for you. I'd have left in your shoes as well.

Congratulations on your baby girl. And you've done so well to lose 2 stone.

Well done on such a positive and successful approach to losing weight and getting healthy. Some people can feel threatened when you become more confident and assertive, but don't let them knock you off your stride as you're doing great.

Fuck her. It’s never been ok to just be straight up rude to someone. She may be beautiful with good hair but she’s a sour bitch and she will be long after she’s lost her looks.

Congrats on your weight loss - I wish I could lose two stone! Don’t let her bitchy comments derail you. Lose another twenty stone by ditching your unsupportive cowardly mate so you don’t have to see either of them again.

YA100%NBU. Humour is funny, is it not
Incase, friend of a friend or your"friend" had not noticed. You weren't laughing.
What do people get out of being nasty cunts.

Well done for walking out. Too many of us just sit and take it and then stew afterwards. What a bitch!

YANBU to leave as it was never going to be a great atmosphere with your friend's friend being part of the group. She sounds a nasty joy-sucking cow.

It would have been great to deploy some MN phrases in response to her remarks though. "Did you mean to be so rude?"
"Ha - I bet that didn't sound quite so bitchy in your head."

I wouldn't text her again. She is probably used to you apologising first and being softer. I wouldn't contact her again so she knows you're serious about not being treated like shit.

I’d just send her a link to this thread and let her figure it out for herself. If you do and she’s reading this then I hope she grows some balls and dumps her bully mate and you can both go back to be friends. Nobody needs toxic people like that. She was totally rude and well done you for leaving

YANBU!

The other woman is a nasty vile bitch.

Sorry to say, but your mutual 'friend' isn't much of a friend if she stood by and thought this was okay. Even if she only heard one of the comments, it was one comment too many for her not to pull her friend up on.

I would text/email this 'friend', and lay out in bullet points what her bitch friend said. Do not, under any circumstances, apologise, because you have nothing to apologise for.

Just say: "FYI, on your birthday night out, your friend BitchFace said these things to/about me:

Comment 1
Comment 2
Comment 3
This is not acceptable and I'm very disappointed that you thought it was okay for her to say those things and not pull her up on it".

Anything less than a completely grovelling apology (and hopefully dropping BitchFace as a friend) from mutual friend would result in me dropping her as a (non) friend like a hot potato.

Just wanted to add my agreement to the jealousy comments.

People like this obnoxious woman are just empty inside. They have no joy in their lives, so when they see others who are lovely and happy they need to tear it down.

They only seem to get ( some weird sort of ) satisfaction when trying to tear someone else down to their level of misery, so they can smirk and crow for a bit.

Then they go back to their miserable, empty lives until they can find another target to try to make themselves feel superior.

Their emotions are so shallow they will actually never experience true happiness or true love even if it is right in front of them, so they can not bear to see someone else who has this in their lives.

So OP ignore her pathetic attempts at trying to bring you down to her level. You are a gorgeous woman with a lovely personality and a new baby!! Heck, I'm envious too

Well done you! Clearly not a doormat any more. You asserted yourself well.

I’m sure your friend will understand when she’s heard exactly what was said.

I’m going to break ranks here and ask @Spoolie: why didn’t you stick up for yourself instead of walking out? There are ways of doing so without “ruining the night for everyone”. I think this is what your friend may be upset about. Just walking out also has the potential to ruin the night for everyone as you see it upset your friend so much.

With a lot of people you can just tell them, “Back off. You’re being rude.” Or, “Stop fat shaming.” with a straight face and they’ll shut up once called out. No laughing to soften the blow, etc. Try it next time. :)

Well done for maintaining your dignity. You could have tried the "goodness did you mean to be so rude" approach but she sounds so insensitive that it probably wouldn't have worked.
Congrats on the weight loss.. 2 stone is brilliant

It’s easy to say ‘you should have done this or that’ but in the moment I would have frozen or cried trying to confront the bully.

If she had had a showdown it would have been more of a ‘scene’ with bully cunt doubling down with more hurtful nastiness and maybe shouting or actual fighting. OP did the best she could to respect her boundaries (well done on that op) and end a bad situation without causing a scene.

Your friend was definitely in the wrong not to stand up for you there. It really is hard for some of us to think of suitable comebacks in times of stress. And it's so easy for a scene to escalate when drink has been involved.

She sounds like a bully to me. Yanbu. Good for you with your weight loss.

Well done you on handling that so well. One comment would have been bad enough, even to someone you knew well, but three??!! I loathe people like this who use "humour" to try and make themselves look and feel good.

Please don't be put down by her. She is a sad inadequate little fuckwit and you were not being unreasonable by walking out. And well done on your weightloss.

Your friend's friend sounds like an absolute bitch and your friend isn't much better for it standing up for you.

You've done amazingly well to loose all that weight in 6 months, good for you. 2 stone is a massive amount of weight - my DS is nearly 2 stone and he is bloody heavy!

Please don't let this put you off, who cares if you were overweight before, you've decided to do something about it and you're doing a great job of it.

For what it's worth, I've been overweight, a healthy weight, very fit and very unfit. It's bloody hard work to loose weight and you should be proud of yourself.

I bet you also looked great in your dress, you felt good and if you feel good it's usually because you look good

What a horrible woman. I bet you looked lovely in your dress, congratulations on losing 2 stone! Either she was feeling jealous/insecure and felt the need to drag someone else down too, or she is just one of those awful people that enjoys upsetting others. Either way, explain to your friend again just how upset you were and why. If she doesn't understand that, then maybe your time would be better spent with other people. Keep your head up x

Ps. I am about to give birth to our first DC, a girl, and I have similar ambitions to you, as I was overweight before I fell pregnant. I want to be a good role model for her, so you are a bit of an inspiration!

Well done you for not putting up with those kind of comments. Shame on your friend for not backing you up.