Aibu? To have left friend's birthday night out

[Spoolie]

Sorry this is a bit of a long one. We'd all gotten ready for a friend's birthday night out on Saturday (going for a meal and then drinks and dancing) and I'd bought a dress that I felt comfy and dare I say it- pretty in. I've been loosing weight slowly (2 stone off) ever since having my DD 6 months ago. I was overweight before I got pg by an determined to lead a healthy lifestyle so my daughter doesn't end up like I did.

Anyway so we were all at my friend's getting ready, my friend commented on my dress saying it was lovely when a friend of my friend (I know her by name but that's about it) commented "oh but it's not really clubby? Is it. Still I suppose it covers all the lumps and bumps!" I was a bit at this but I let it go because I'm not petty but somehow the conversation got on to dieting because someone in the group was doing the Cambridge diet and I shared about my weight loss too and that I was still dieting. This woman pipes up then that "holy Christ you must have been huge to start with then". Now I don't know this woman really but have always been friendly when in group situations and I don't know why she would say something like that. Me being anxious old me just made it into a joke and laughed it off so I don't think the other girls really remembered the comment or wanted to say anything but it was a bit awkward for a while.

I didn't want to cause an atmosphere so just stayed out of conversation from then on really but the final straw came when we were at the restaurant later and when the waiter came over and i ordered I wanted she then went "oh I thought you were on a diet shouldn't you be having a salad?" And laughed. I was just so embarrassed at this point that I just said to my friend that I was going home and to have a nice evening and left. My friend text me the morning after and we hadn't a bit of an argument about it as she thinks I overreacted and that it was just her friend's sense of humour and I shouldn't be so sensitive. AIBU to have been upset by this? Or have I been immature? I know I wasn't probably BU for walking off but I was close to tears at that point and feeling really attacked and unsupported by my friend. Feeling quite isolated as it is and i was really looking forward to a night out to have fun and now I just feel bad/guilty.

How awful. Def do as someone said and say "OK, friend, if that's her sense of humour, explain why these three remarks are funny jokes to the person making them?"

Nope! Well done for standing up for yourself!

Even best friends don't comment on a person's weight. She was being a bloody bitch

What horrible people.

Find new friends.

Well done on your weight loss. “Friend” is a jealous cow.

Yanbu. Next time tell to her to shut the fuck up to her face.

I would be very unimpressed with your friend who thinks it is fine to be shitty as long as you call it a joke.

You lost certainly were not unreasonable to leave my goodness losing 2 stone and with a wee one you are amazing well done you! She is a vile woman and frankly if that is her sense of humour it's a wonder she has any friends!!! If your mutual friend wishes to stick up for her let her deep breath and move on do not give this woman anymore of your time I know it's hard but goodness me as the saying goes with friends like those who needs enemies- focus on you, your baby and the wonderful example you are setting to her - well done OP!!!

Firstly, well done on the weight loss. What a massive achievement.

Secondly, the acquaintance is nothing short of a bully. Have you listed all the comments you received to your friend? Is she fully aware of the situation? If so, she's not much better than the bully.

I wish the acquaintance and your friend could see this thread so they realise their behaviour is completely unacceptable.

What an absolute nasty, spiteful bitch!

Fair play to you for leaving. Years ago I'd have kicked off but these days I know it's best to just walk away and leave them to it.

I can't believe your friend stuck up for her and nobody told her to shut up!
You don't speak to people about that and for her to say it to someone she didn't really know!
I'm pretty sure the other ladies won't have forgotten (but may not have heard) her earlier comments either because they are outrageous and you don't treat people that way!
Glad you didn't stick around to hear more of her comments!

Was this sparked off by your friend saying you looked good? What a crude attention-seeking cow the foaf must be.
You didn't deserve spiteful comments, you did right to leave. Remember that's they're the ones in the wrong, certainly not you.
Hoping you find some nicer friends 💐

What a cruel nasty cow! And shame on your friend for not sticking up for you there and then, never mid telling you that you're being oversensitive. You've done amazingly well - don't let these comments tarnish your achievement!

Friend of a friend was being a total cunt. Should have called her out the first 2 times. Birthday friend needs to tell cunty friend to keep her mouth shut (or fuck off) otherwise she'll have no friends left come next birthday!

Yabu not to have whacked her with your handbag. Well done on the weight!! Very envious!!

In my experience people who have to put others down in order to feel good about themselves are doing it to make themselves feel better about their own flaws , however this also makes them a spiteful bitch , yanbu to leave and your friend was in the wrong by not nipping it in the bud

YANBU, What an absolute cow she was!

Don’t feel bad/guilty, it’s not you in the wrong here.

It’s such a shame you didn’t look her up and down and say ‘Hmm, I was about your size before I lost weight’.

...just leave it hanging.

Your supposed friend - did she actually hear all 3 comments?

YANBU. If you'd flounced off at the first comment then I might think differently, but no one should have to put up with comments like that.

Was your friend aware of the previous comments? Even if she didn't tell her pal to STFU in public, she should not have said YABU.

Yanbu and your friend really let you down not telling the woman that she was ridiculously inappropriate. Well done on your weight loss, I bet you looked lovely! I had my DS 6 months ago, all I can say is I wish I had your dieting will power! 😩

She was like a dog with a bone. A bore at best, but likely just an arsehole and definitely not funny. Why on earth would you want to hang around for more of the same shit?

She was being unnecessarily nasty and bitchy, you don't make comments like that throughout the night thinking it's funny - all women know never to comment on another woman's weight!! What a bitch. And can't believe your friend wasn't supporting you?? Wtf.

My gosh I am feeling very loved and supported right now. Thank you all so much for replying, it makes me feel better to know people would have done similar in the same situation (hope you’re never in it though).

To put it in context I think the relationship her and my friend have is one where they take the mick out of each other a bit and I’ve noticed this to some extent but I’ve never witnessed this friend make personal comments such as about people’s weight before. She was joking about my friend being clumsy and her ‘bad taste in men’ but it felt very different to the way she was speaking to me. So i guess that might be where the 'It's just her sense of humour' came from as they joke around quite a bit.

I really wouldn’t know why the friend would be jealous of me though, she really is a beautiful woman, she dresses smartly and her hair is always impeccable. I guess I’ll probably never know why she was picking on me (I don’t intend on seeing her again tbh).

The poster who mentioned that my friend might not have realised the extent of the situation, I didn’t think about this so thanks for bringing it up. She may not have actually heard the final comment so that could be why she was so angry with me leaving (we were on a big long table and everyone was chatting between themselves while the order were being taken. The more I think about it the more upset I am about the potential loss of friendship because my friend sounded so angry at me, and she hasn’t replied to the last text I sent her and I guess I’m hoping we can have an adult discussion and move past it but I have an awful tendency to always be the one that says sorry and apologises first. It’s my fear of conflict and lack of confidence is why I didn’t stick up for myself in the first place (am working on becoming less of a doormat). I got bullied at school and still find myself shying away from any situation where I have to draw attention to myself. I thought that by early 30’s we’d be moving away from cattiness but sadly not.

Do you think I should text my fried or email her? To set out why I left and how I was feeling so she has a chance to respond in her own time?

YANBU, what a horrible cow. Well done on how you handled it and the weight loss. I would agree she was probably jealous.

Also to everyone who's congratulated me on my weight loss! Thank you so much. I have to say I went off the smell of fried food when I got pregnant so that has MASSIVELY helped so no more chip butties for me . Used to be a lunch AND dinner time occurence and DD settles best being walked in her pram so I'm out often for walks. It really does make a difference no that I'm in the right mindset to lose it as well.

I'd text friend again, tell her exactly what was said. Say you're sorry you missed the rest of the night but you didn't trust yourself not to get upset and say something which might ruin the night.
If after hearing exactly what was said she still thinks you're over reacting then you'll have to make a decision on where the friendship goes.

Sounds like she is jealous of you OP . l wonder if she is jealous of your friendship with 'her friend' or cannot conceive ? Just a thought ...... well done on the wt loss and congratulations on the birth of your DC