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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? To have left friend's birthday night out

150 replies

Spoolie · 19/03/2018 16:56

Sorry this is a bit of a long one. We'd all gotten ready for a friend's birthday night out on Saturday (going for a meal and then drinks and dancing) and I'd bought a dress that I felt comfy and dare I say it- pretty in. I've been loosing weight slowly (2 stone off) ever since having my DD 6 months ago. I was overweight before I got pg by an determined to lead a healthy lifestyle so my daughter doesn't end up like I did.

Anyway so we were all at my friend's getting ready, my friend commented on my dress saying it was lovely when a friend of my friend (I know her by name but that's about it) commented "oh but it's not really clubby? Is it. Still I suppose it covers all the lumps and bumps!" I was a bit Confused at this but I let it go because I'm not petty but somehow the conversation got on to dieting because someone in the group was doing the Cambridge diet and I shared about my weight loss too and that I was still dieting. This woman pipes up then that "holy Christ you must have been huge to start with then". Now I don't know this woman really but have always been friendly when in group situations and I don't know why she would say something like that. Me being anxious old me just made it into a joke and laughed it off so I don't think the other girls really remembered the comment or wanted to say anything but it was a bit awkward for a while.

I didn't want to cause an atmosphere so just stayed out of conversation from then on really but the final straw came when we were at the restaurant later and when the waiter came over and i ordered I wanted she then went "oh I thought you were on a diet shouldn't you be having a salad?" And laughed. I was just so embarrassed at this point that I just said to my friend that I was going home and to have a nice evening and left. My friend text me the morning after and we hadn't a bit of an argument about it as she thinks I overreacted and that it was just her friend's sense of humour and I shouldn't be so sensitive. AIBU to have been upset by this? Or have I been immature? I know I wasn't probably BU for walking off but I was close to tears at that point and feeling really attacked and unsupported by my friend. Feeling quite isolated as it is and i was really looking forward to a night out to have fun and now I just feel bad/guilty.

OP posts:
BlancheM · 19/03/2018 17:13

Shit! No you weren't being unreasonable. Why should you have stuck around, to be bullied all night long?

I'm sorry it turned out like that. Please don't take the nastiness to heart Flowers

user1485778793 · 19/03/2018 17:13

What a horrible woman.

And your friend wasn't too nice either.

This woman has issues and your friend should have had a word and told her to give it a rest.

Weezol · 19/03/2018 17:15

Hadalife makes a good suggestion, I'm in full agreement and would have that conversation. One comment could be passed off as a mistake, but three in the space of a few hours is downight nasty.

I've had similar but different experiences and they hurt. I think you sound ace - two stone in six months with a tiny baby is outstanding!

WinstonlovesJulia1984 · 19/03/2018 17:16

3 times. She needled you 3 times. Of course you didn't over-react.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 19/03/2018 17:16

She sounds vile! I bet you looked amazing and she was jealous. You had every right to leave when you did and I'm surprised no one spoke up on your behalf actually. I can't stand people who seek attention by making cruel jokes at the expense of others. It's utterly pathetic and your friend shouldn't be defending her.

user1488622199 · 19/03/2018 17:16

What an actual bitch. Your friend doesn’t come off to well either. Sounds like she’s going out of her way to knock you down, think heed is right about her being threatened.

I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is in a situation like this but I know it’s not sit back and let one friend be outright nasty to another friend.

Congratulations on your weight loss and your baby.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/03/2018 17:17

DeadGood is quite right, you know!

Your 'friend' really does need to learn where her boundaries are and if that other 'friend' is a bit overbearing then she needs to reconsider that friendship. Neither she nor any of her friends need to put up with that one woman who is "just that way"...

As long as you feel sorry for your friend, not being such a confident go getter and all!

And bloody good job on the weight loss! Smile

Aeroflotgirl · 19/03/2018 17:17

Exactly, if she said 3 nasty comments in a short space of time, you will be fucked if I am hanging round for more. Well done, you have done very well, and should be really proud of yourself.

mintich · 19/03/2018 17:17

I would have thumped her! What a fucking bitch!

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/03/2018 17:17

Your friend heard the combined comments and didn’t pick up on what was going on. It sounds as if she’s used to this woman’s comments. She is making a choice to let others be cruel to you. You do deserve better and there are plenty of lovely people, who will value you for you.

PiggyPoos · 19/03/2018 17:18

I'm on your side. That isn't funny that's just nasty. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

Willow2017 · 19/03/2018 17:19

You did the right thing.
If a friend cant stick up for you against some bitch who is using you to make herself feel better isnt a true friend.

Silly cow was just jealous of how good you looked and wanted to take you down to make herself feel better. Pathetic really.

BikingBeatrix · 19/03/2018 17:19

If it’s a joke shouldn’t it actually be funny? Friend of friend a total bitch. Friend not much better. OP, you did nothing wrong. Hold your head high. Sadly, your relationship with friend might change now but you still did nothing wrong.

Whocansay · 19/03/2018 17:21

Anyone would have been upset by that. Not everyone would have had your dignity though. You did nothing wrong and your friend is as bad as the bully imho. I'd ditch her. She's not a real friend.

manicinsomniac · 19/03/2018 17:21

No, YWNBU at all. That woman was really horrible to you.

Did your friend hear the middle comment? If not, then I can understand her thinking your reaction to the salad comment was a bit OTT. But, if she heard the cumulative bullying (and I don't think that's too strong a word for 3 targeted derogatory comments in one evening) then I think she should have stuck up for you and certainly not be upset that you left.

I might have told another friend I was leaving rather than the birthday friend if I didn't want to cloud her evening but, other than that, I think you did absolutely the right thing.

Qvar · 19/03/2018 17:21

Christ what a rude bitch

no you're not overreacting. She's a fucking rude bitch. She's not funny, she's rude.

if you ever have to deal with her again, the blank unamused stare works well with rude bitches. Wait for her to finish whatever she's spouting, cold stare, pause .... "Anyway, as I was saying..."

HouseworkIsASin10 · 19/03/2018 17:22

What a bitch! Bet you looked fabFlowers

You did the right thing leaving, why stay so she could keep picking on you.

Don't think much of your friend either.

mummyhaschangedhername · 19/03/2018 17:22

How horrible ... you didn't overreact. Your friend isn't much of a friend either.

flapjackfairy · 19/03/2018 17:22

Well done on losing 2 stone. That is great and to be celebrated.
Ignore the spiteful ( probably jealous ) madam. You have done nothing wrong and your friend needs to be a better friend to you !

Lifeisabeach09 · 19/03/2018 17:24

The woman sounds like a bitch.
I, probably, would have said something but that's me.
Your friend should have defended you, not berated you for leaving.
Well done on the weight loss. You are doing a great job especially post-baby.
Flowers

Bubba1234 · 19/03/2018 17:26

Why is it these days people can be nasty & say what they like then if the person they have repeatedly insulted has enough & leaves then they become the bad unreasonable sensitive one.
I just don’t get it. People are rude as hell these days that woman was so rude & fair play to you for loosing the weight.

diddl · 19/03/2018 17:29

"It's just her sense of humour"-no-she's a rude bully.

Well done for walking away from a situation that was upsetting you & not stooping to her/their level.

Karigan1 · 19/03/2018 17:32

My word that ‘friend’ sounds like an absolute bitch.

No you weren’t unreasonable at all. There is no rule which means you have to hang around with people who are insulting you

thethoughtfox · 19/03/2018 17:33

Ask your friend, what exactly the joke is and see if she can explain it.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/03/2018 17:35

The 'friend of a friend' (foaf) was being absolutely vile. And if your 'friend' defended her in any way I'd seriously reconsider the friendship.

Friends shouldn't let 'foafs' treat friends like that. And isn't it a shame that weight still seems to be the one thing that seems to be OK to be nasty about. If this 'foaf' had made remarks about your skin colour or your religion I'll bet your friend wouldn't be telling you to 'get over it'.