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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu? To have left friend's birthday night out

150 replies

Spoolie · 19/03/2018 16:56

Sorry this is a bit of a long one. We'd all gotten ready for a friend's birthday night out on Saturday (going for a meal and then drinks and dancing) and I'd bought a dress that I felt comfy and dare I say it- pretty in. I've been loosing weight slowly (2 stone off) ever since having my DD 6 months ago. I was overweight before I got pg by an determined to lead a healthy lifestyle so my daughter doesn't end up like I did.

Anyway so we were all at my friend's getting ready, my friend commented on my dress saying it was lovely when a friend of my friend (I know her by name but that's about it) commented "oh but it's not really clubby? Is it. Still I suppose it covers all the lumps and bumps!" I was a bit at this but I let it go because I'm not petty but somehow the conversation got on to dieting because someone in the group was doing the Cambridge diet and I shared about my weight loss too and that I was still dieting. This woman pipes up then that "holy Christ you must have been huge to start with then". Now I don't know this woman really but have always been friendly when in group situations and I don't know why she would say something like that. Me being anxious old me just made it into a joke and laughed it off so I don't think the other girls really remembered the comment or wanted to say anything but it was a bit awkward for a while.

I didn't want to cause an atmosphere so just stayed out of conversation from then on really but the final straw came when we were at the restaurant later and when the waiter came over and i ordered I wanted she then went "oh I thought you were on a diet shouldn't you be having a salad?" And laughed. I was just so embarrassed at this point that I just said to my friend that I was going home and to have a nice evening and left. My friend text me the morning after and we hadn't a bit of an argument about it as she thinks I overreacted and that it was just her friend's sense of humour and I shouldn't be so sensitive. AIBU to have been upset by this? Or have I been immature? I know I wasn't probably BU for walking off but I was close to tears at that point and feeling really attacked and unsupported by my friend. Feeling quite isolated as it is and i was really looking forward to a night out to have fun and now I just feel bad/guilty.

OP posts:

morningconstitutional2017 · 19/03/2018 17:36

You don't need 'friends' like this. I bet you looked great in your dress, maybe there was some jealousy there. Good on you for leaving - shame that your friend didn't back you up by coming with you. It's sad that Mrs Bigmouth didn't realise that she was out of order.
Just believe that one day she'll meet someone who is nastier than she is and then she'll get it in the neck - karma.

Notevilstepmother · 19/03/2018 17:36

Not one, but three rude nasty and totally out of order comments. If that is her sense of humour then there is something seriously wrong with her.

Your friend should have stuck up for you in my opinion. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 19/03/2018 17:36

good for you to have left. It wasn't a joke, it was just unnecessary bitchy. You must have looked prettier than you think and she was just green with jealousy.

YouTheCat · 19/03/2018 17:36

'It's just her 'sense of humour'? But it wasn't funny at all. It was just nasty.

I'd dump the lot of them.

milliemolliemou · 19/03/2018 17:37

Another saying good on you OP for losing the weight. And also leaving after the third comment. And you were quite right for leaving if this woman was making you continually uncomfortable. The only alternative as pps have suggested would have been to pick her up - certainly on the second comment. A good tactic is to ask "what did you say?" and get her to repeat it at least once if not twice ("sorry can't hear you") Usually that means the bully thinks twice ... and your other girlfriends can hear the true meanness.

I hope you saved paying for any supper/club entries/alcohol .....

MrsMozart · 19/03/2018 17:38

Her friend is horrible and rude, and your friend should've stuck up for you.

Moonraker37 · 19/03/2018 17:39

Really, REALLY nasty of both the friend of a friend and your so called friend. Good on you for leaving and congratulations on your fantastic loss. I bet you looked great.

KittenBeast · 19/03/2018 17:39

The mutual friend is a waste of skin and oxygen, and your mate sounds like a right knob. I would definitely be questioning just how much of a 'friend' she really is.

gamerwidow · 19/03/2018 17:39

Ywnbu why stay on a night out just to be insulted. Your friend shouldn’t have let the other friend talk to you like that, it’s unredeemingly nasty there is no way it could be spun into just a joke. You will lose your weight but that woman will forever be a spiteful bitch.

Lovemusic33 · 19/03/2018 17:43

Well done op for losing weight, took me ten years to loose weight after having dc2.

I don’t think you overreacted, I would have been upset too. Maybe you should have stood up for yourself a bit but I know it’s hard when your in that situation. I think I would have slapped the b*tch in the face and said ‘at least I can loose weight, no amount of dieting is going to change your ugly face’ but I probably wouldn’t be quick enough if in that situation. She’s obviously not a nice person if she feels the need to coment on other people’s weight.

billybagpuss · 19/03/2018 17:43

I hope your meal still arrived and they had to pay for it. Miserable bunch. Well done you and don't dwell on it, especially well done on the weight loss.

YoThePussy · 19/03/2018 17:46

The mutual friend in Mumsnet speak needs tearing a new arsehole for those comments. You are much more dignified than I am OP, my response to her second comment would have been that at least I didn’t look like a 50p a blow slag.

YoThePussy · 19/03/2018 17:48

Meant first remark from cow like friend

SheSellSeaShells · 19/03/2018 17:56

nope she sounds like a total bitch - the middle comment was especially nasty. You did well to walk away and not tip a salad over her head!!

Weezol · 19/03/2018 17:58

@SpooIie I have never seen an AIBU become unanimous so quickly! I hope the replies on here are helping.

PeterRabbitEatingHisCarrot · 19/03/2018 18:00

That is awful. You were right to leave, I would have done the same thing.

In future, you should try and be more assertive and looking back, told this 'friend' of a 'friend' that she was being out of order before you left the house. I know it's all very well saying this now and assertiveness may go against your personality, but you need to stick up for yourself.

Your friend is not a friend. She should have stuck up for you. I would personally not be seeing any of them again. They humiliated you, isolated you and bullied you.

ittakes2 · 19/03/2018 18:00

I'm with you - if someone has hurt your feelings then your mutual birthday girl friend should understand that regardless of it being her birthday or not. If I was birthday girl - I would have pull the mean friend up by saying that sounds like a hurtful thing to say. I'm sorry your night got ruined. To be honest, I don't think you were being over sensitive, although it would be natural to be feeling sensitive after gaining or losing weight. I think if you were feeling more emotionally robust you would have just though she was a plonker and not let her ruin your night.

carefreeeee · 19/03/2018 18:01

This person sounds really nasty. One comment like that would have been bad enough but 3?

You were right to leave if you wanted to, no way should anyone have to pretend that sort of comment is acceptable. It doesn't reflect badly on you at all. Your friend should have backed you up - she probably feels guilty that she didn't.

kaytee87 · 19/03/2018 18:04

What a horrible woman. Yanbu and your friend was unkind to not stick up for you.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 19/03/2018 18:04

ittakes2 "I think if you were feeling more emotionally robust you would have just though she was a plonker and not let her ruin your night."

I couldn't do that. For me, it's either walk out or tell her what I think of her, which is the type of thing that will ruin the night for everyone, so a fairer compromise ends up being to leave.

I might have tipped a waiter to drop her meal in her lap though.

Beelzebop · 19/03/2018 18:04

Well done OP. I think you should be really proud of yourself!
Firstly, congratulations for losing two stone. I wish I could!
Secondly, congratulations on the way you dealt with the situation. Walking away was the only dignified thing to do. Why should you put up with being bullied in front of others?x

Esker · 19/03/2018 18:05

YANBU. That woman was a bully. Not sure whether your friend heard all the comments, but if you explained it to her then she should have been understanding and embarrassed for the behaviour of her other friend.

CatchIt · 19/03/2018 18:07

No, you were perfectly in your rights to leave and I'd have done the same.

I remember about 10 years ago I had a male friend who was dating a female friend of mine that I'd introduced to each other. Over the course of their relationship they started ganging up on me.

It came to boiling point on a night out when they hid my purse, camera and other bits and claimed to have no idea where it was. I was so stressed and eventually they gave it back. I flipped at them, told them they were shit friends and to fuck off.

Things were never the same but I felt vindicated.

Your 'friend' should have told the other woman to stop and leave you alone. I'd be just as upset as her tbh.

theuntameableshrew · 19/03/2018 18:08

YANBU. I’m sorry you were subjected to those horrible rude nasty comments and that other people didn’t tell rude woman to STFU

CatchIt · 19/03/2018 18:08

I also wanted to add, bloody well done for loosing all that weight, it's incredibly hard. 😀

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