To ask for £240 for hen party?

[Ihatemyclients]

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

@heedmove thank you so much, that's a really helpful suggestion!

@Peartree17 I genuinely like prosecco but fair point, it might not be appreciated by all!

I would be able to afford that and would be happy to pay it.

I wouldn’t pay that for a hen weekend. If it was a really good friend I would feel under pressure so would have to borrow the money. I would then feel resentful. Going to a wedding isn’t cheap either.

80smum, have you ever been to a hen do? If so, were all costs really covered? Because I've never been to, or even heard of, a hen party where the guests didn't pay for themselves.

@LisaSimpsonsbff I agree with you - i think London to Scotland is an awfully long way to come for one night

It also might help to get an idea on numbers - because even if the costs are fine, if some can't get that weekend off work (The shift workers and if the teacher does work in scotland, she will be back at work for the first week of sept and not be able to take the friday off), then you are looking at a more managable group for a self catering property!

18 all in the same property is limiting as few places are that big and I can see why if the bride wants a weekend away, she wants everyone in the same building. (Apart from anything else, even if you do manage 2 properties next to each other, getting together for meals will be a squeeze).

If you could know in advance that however cheap you get it, 2/3 will never be able to come, that should make planning easier!

WeeM,

I'd go easy on the dram if I thought I could get out quick next day! But OP said most people live locally so a shared taxi might work back to the city.

Anyway, most people would hang around for ages in the lobby chatting and having coffee etc. so I'm sure it would be fine.

And a big "Whew" when going down the road with the Castle receding into the background.....

Well if you did price it for 12, then if 18 do make it, you can suddenly have an amazing drnks budget and still give everyone a bit of money back! (You might also ask the groom /best man if they intend to send some drinks for the ladies on the hen do. They might not have thought about it, but once you've asked, you're bound to get a few bottles sent... )

I wouldn’t pay that for a hen do. These hen and stags have got way out of hand. Weekends and weeks away aboard. I just did a meal out and drinks. Although I can imagine my Sil pulling a stunt like this with me expected to go

On the "they won't want to drive next morning after drinking" thing; they'll all be leaving the morning after the wedding, hungover or not, won't they? Nobody expects their guests to make a whole weekend out of their actual wedding, why expect it of a hen do?
I could do a night out with a gang of women I only knew slightly, but I wouldn't have the slightest desire to be trapped in a Scottish castle with them for the entire weekend, doing enforced activities.
Unless they're all a very close gang who know each other well, op?

I would not travel from London to Scotland for two nights not to mind one!

That's only because it's an enclosed Hen party in an isolated castle, no chance to see Bonny Scotland at all! Meh.

lamagreyhound,

We must be related somehow! I agree with you, but everyone is different I suppose. But it it would never be me either to be ensconced for a weekend with squealing hens whether I know them or not, just not my scene.

I could cope with one night, but no more than that, and a quick exit after breakfast too.

What @LillianGish said. The budget would be okay for me, plus a bit more for travel if it were a good friend and/or I liked the look of the castle and the other people I was going with. But that's just me. Do you think the bride does have a good steer on this? The way forward is to ask everyone to PM you privately but also state in the very first email that the accommodation would need to be booked up front.

And while I don't think is unreasonable in absolute terms - the bride is sort of coming across as a bit entitled/spoiled. It's never great to feel like someone is spending your money for you, whether it's £10 or whatever sum. "Her expectations..." even if I were feeling generous, I suddenly wouldn't if confronted with an attitude like that (if that makes sense.)

All of it sounds like the job from hell for you, OP. Did I read it correctly that you and a few others are committing to cooking the whole weekend? OMG, OMG. It's a lot of people to cook for, a lot of people in the position to potentially not quite get on etc. I did go on a monster hen weekend one time but it was in a hotel, with separate rooms and only for an evening, so not quite close quarters. I would be thinking through the dynamic of such a group. Could be great or?

Also, I think you need to be 100% sure that everyone IS invited to the wedding. My instinct (and it's just that) is that maybe this is not as certain as you think it is.

It really depends. I'm going away with friends for a close friend's big birthday. 5 of us who all know each other well are going on a 4-day cruise. The cost is double what you are paying and I'm happy with it. However, the issue I have with hens is you often end up with an eclectic mix of people who all know the bride but not necessarily each other. I wouldn't pay that much to go away with people I don't especially know. Depends very much on the group, their finances and how much they all know each other.

I got married at 22 when no one had any money so we had a meal, played a silly game and had drinks in a lively hotel bar on the sea front. I based mine around what friends would enjoy and afford. Seems different these days.

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar lots know each other well but there are a couple who don't so they might be dreading it!

@boxthefox the castle I was thinking of isn't isolated but I appreciate the point about it being a long way to come even for 2 nights!

Gosh it's a tricky one. I'd be ok with paying that for a fun weekend with close friends. I'm not sure I'd be so keen if there were a lot of people I didn't already know - and I'm guessing with a large guest list, that'll be the case.
It's a lot of money

My sister had a Hen Party for which she originally asked £150 each upfront for 3 nights stay in a Mansion. She then reassured us that there will be no other costs to us because everything will happen in the Mansion and we can all just bring food/drinks/games.

Roll on a few months and her wishes changed, she asked her bridesmaids to organise a few things to do. They organised further activities, I.e. tobogganing, strippers, cocktails and a night out in the town. They asked us to cough up a further £150 and informed us we will of course need more money for the night out as the Bridal Party will be expecting free drinks!

I was heavily pregnant at the time and asked if I could be excused for paying for the activities I can't join in with as we were also really strapped for cash. This caused a massive stir and so I still had to pay £75.

I was really shocked because the other Hen parties I have been to the Bride or the Bridesmaids pay for the vast majority of the Hen Do and us guests might just be expected to buy drinks and food. My other sister also thought it was absurd and I know a few other
people at the Hen Party did too.

I did have a somewhat enjoyable time and it seemed that the Bride had a lovely time. But I was annoyed at how for £150+ I didn't even have my own room and had to share with 2 people I barely knew. (especially when I was heavily pregnant, I felt so grim and suffered with chronic sickness throughout the night and morning so felt awful waking them up constantly!)

I never complained to the Bride though because I didn't want to upset her during her special time.

But I certainly will not be expecting my guests to pay at my Hen!

I think Brides should consider the costs and if everyone can actually get involved and afford to pay for things.

Far enough it is about the Bride but perhaps she can always have multiple Hens to suit everyone or compromise?

@OVienna everyone is invited to the whole day, I know that for sure. But I take your other points, especially re cooking - I might be underestimating the strain of that!

It's my fault if the bride sounds spoiled as she really is lovely - she wouldn't expect huge sums to be paid, I think she just hasn't thought through how much what she wants will actually cost. She's really nice just a bit clueless about things like this. I definitely need to speak to her about it, that's been really helpful advice on this thread

Nope!
Its supposed to be a hen night/party not a weekend for the bride while everyone else pays for it. Maybe the bride should consider her friends expenses before deciding that she wants x,y,z?

I wouldnt pay that never mind adding travel on top but then I never had to. I might be a boring old fart but a hen night is supposed to be a celebration of the bride getting married/last night of freedom sort of thing (lighthearted) not a 'lets see what I can get out of all my friends to see how special I am to them'...

If I am spending that sort of money it will be for family not for someone else to bask in their glory. I could get a week for me and kids for that sort of money, its just too much.

As you are going to ask everyone first then have to recalculate costs if some cannot come then a word in the brides ear may be needed to calm down her expectations. Why people think others should fork out hundreds for thier occaision is beyond me. Smacks of "if you really cared you would spend £xxx on me." (then £xxx on wedding/presents too)

I really feel sorry for brides and bridesmaids who organise hen do's these days. All my friends and I had a meal out and a pub crawl (never one of those dress up ones though!) and the weddings were all similar, usually same local venue, presents or money were given and were gratefully recieved, no demands for £xxx minimum monetary gifts/wedding list for expensive things only. It was all so much simpler. There is a lot to be said for simplicity. These days everyone is so obsessed about having a 'good time' and lots of 'activities' that they forget the point of the celebration and that the shared friendship past and in the future is more important.

If it was something you know that everyone will enjoy and easily afford its a different matter but adding so much cost for friends who are paying £100 for travel is selfish to me.
JMHO

'The only issue I think with just an overnight is that you will need to check out early and if everyone’s been drinking will be feeling rough and won’t be able to drive home til later.'

And in Scotland, you could very well still be over the limit.

'I picked that one from a quick google just as an example of the type of thing you can get log cabin wise but hadn’t actually realised strathyre was quite that far a drive from Edinburgh!'

It's an hour or so, possibly more depending on where you're coming from in Edinburgh as it's a wee bit north of Callander. The one in Ardgarten will be waaayyy out in our neck of the woods.

Something to keep in mind is that locations in Scotland can take some time to get to if there is no motorway/A roads.

There was a thread on here featuring a bride getting upset that people in Kent were balking at travelling up to Scotland for her destination wedding. Well, if you're talking about having it in Ft William or Skye or even Aviemore then it's very far and can be quite costly outside of cities where you need to also hire a car and/or get a train. And take a looonng time.

The distance from Glasgow to Oban is only 97 miles, but to get there in good time is about 2.75 hours because it's all A-road once you get off the M8 at the Erskine Bridge.

I recently got married and my (fairly extravagant) bridal shower was completely paid for by my mother, bridesmaid and me. My mother and bridesmaid (I just had one - my very best friend) then went on a holiday together. We did not think it appropriate to force people to pay to celebrate me. I will be paying for my own baby shower shortly.

I am sick and tired of selfish wedding demands and all the costs that go along with attending. It's bad enough when people get married abroad, or hours away, plus gift cost, outfit etc. Making people pay so much for one day is one thing, but now the parties beforehand etc etc? It's a joke. 240£ for a pleasant weekend is fine, but it's the principle of the matter.

Blimey, just get the groom there too on the first days and they can get married too. I’d never be able to spend that.

But the bride has been quite specific about what she wants (she's not a bridezilla but she has been really clear on her preferences!).

Sorry haven't read the whole thread but if she's so specific in what she wants then maybe she should be paying some of it to bring down costs for everyone else, especially if she's going to be upset with people declining to go.

Ridiculous, sorry.

I think the bottom line is op you are never ever going to please everyone in these situations so you can only do your best. For me I think the key is to gauge the lay of land with everyone and get money up front as a deposit from people whatever you decide to do!