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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 16:32

Thank you so much for the alternative suggestions they look really good!

So much helpful advice on here, MN is so great sometimes FlowersFlowersFlowers

OP posts:
HairyToity · 19/03/2018 16:33

I couldn't afford it at the moment, but in the past would not have flinched at £240.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/03/2018 16:34

This is around what I've paid for hen parties in the past, so I don't think it's ridiculous. Obviously it's going to depend on your demographic though.

Don't go for the tempting 'just book a cheap hotel instead' trap - if it means eating out for every meal rather than self-catering it will be a very false economy indeed.

Tbh, the only hen do that I really resented paying for was the one that was £100 and that was just a day time activity, dinner and drinks - no accommodation. It was about a third of the price of all the other hen dos I've been to, but it just felt like such bad value - £100 thrown away in a few hours, rather than a whole relaxing weekend.

People seem really fixated on the cost of travel from London, but that can't be helped, can it? If everyone else is in Scotland then there's not a solution that doesn't involve someone travelling a long way.

soupforbrains · 19/03/2018 16:34

Just to add to a lot of what other people have said. As well as the total cost you need to consider when things need to be fully paid up by and how long that leaves people to plan, save and pay.

I had a horrible experience last year where I had committed to a good friends hen do that I could just about afford on the basis that I had 6 months to pay in installments and then after paying the non-refundable £100 deposit was advised that final payment was due 2 months later. Which I couldn't afford and so had to pull out which not only made me feel like I was letting the bride and the rest of the group down, but also left me out of pocket with nothing to show.

toriatoriatoria · 19/03/2018 16:35

If she was a close friend I'd probably pay, but it is getting towards the top end of my limit.

But I'd be worried that if a few people decline (which is not unlikely) that would push the price up for the rest.

londonista · 19/03/2018 16:36

I know the main Cameron House has burned but we stayed in one of the very swanky lodges near the Golf Club - highly recommend (if they are still renting these - they're a good 2-3kms from the main Lodge so probably still operational).

FleurDelacoeur · 19/03/2018 16:36

abroad all inclusive for three nights for 140.

Three nights accommodation, travel, food and drink for £140??

OP I think it sounds lovely and I would be happy to pay it for a weekend away. Had you said "AIBU to think £250 for a weekend in a Scottish castle with food and drink is OK?" everyone would be agreeing that yes, very reasonable.

But say it's a hen party, and anything more than a night at your local pub with inflatable willies is hugely extravagant and a waste of money. Hmm

LillianGish · 19/03/2018 16:37

Noone on here can tell you whether £240 is a totally unreasonable amount - you will get any number of replies all irrelevant. You need to set up a WhatsAp group and find out what budget guests have in mind (although can you even call them guests when you are asking them to foot the bill?) I tend to think if the bride has set her heart on a house party in a Scottish castle she ought to pay for the accommodation up front and ask for contributions - then people can pay what they can afford (taking into account they may also have to pay a lot to get to Scotland in the first place). The problem with booking a big place like this is it is all or nothing - it's not like reserving rooms in a hotel where people can either pay for their room or not and if a few people decide not to bother the others still pay the same. It's a bit of a nightmare scenario for you OP - the problem is every time someone drops out the price goes up for everyone else.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 19/03/2018 16:38

I would decline the invite if it was me. I could afford it, but with 2 DC, mortgage, holidays etc to pay for, I would choose not to fork out that much, especially as I’d presumably be seeing all those people again v soon at the wedding.

Skyllo30 · 19/03/2018 16:38

Where have you looked? I've been to Stirling Highland Hotel a couple of times at a weekend on an Itison voucher - it was pretty reasonably priced. £129 for 2 people for dinner, bed and breakfas and the food is greatt. They usually have spa offers too.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/03/2018 16:38

Who is actually doing the "catering", as in shopping and cooking? I can't think of anything worse than a weekend self catering in a castle, with a spa day thrown in just to put the tin lid on it.

ChainVaper · 19/03/2018 16:40

I might sound like a real killjoy but I’m totally sick to the back teeth of friends expecting that everyone will just be so happy to spend a few hundred pounds on hen weekends, 40th birthday weekends, 50th birthday weekends, weddings in bloody St Lucia ( obvs more than a few hundred pounds!) even their mothers 60th , 70th .... and the list goes on. I feel forced into heading to places that I may not actually want to and pay through the nose for the privilege.

Trills · 19/03/2018 16:40

I would go to this weekend away that you're organising.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 16:42

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar it would be me and 2 other bridesmaids. We all like to cook luckily and we would do v simple things with as much as possible prepared ahead. Still might not be feasible though!

OP posts:
carbuncleonapigsposterior · 19/03/2018 16:43

It really depends on the invitees' personal circumstances as to whether they wish to stump up that amount. Having read through a number of these threads, I think whoever sets up such an event should factor in that some will not, for whatever reason, wish to fork out for such an occasion. Should any prospective guests decline the invitation, I think that should be accepted with good grace and that person/s should not be made to feel a pariah, after all it's quite a big ask. £240 to some may be a meagre amount to others it will be a week's food and essential bills. Finally, I'd say some love these type of week-end others don't. I think I would try to gauge attitudes beforehand.

WeeM · 19/03/2018 16:43

picked that one from a quick google just as an example of the type of thing you can get log cabin wise but hadn’t actually realised strathyre was quite that far a drive from Edinburgh!

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 16:43

@ChainVaper I don't actually think you're being unreasonable at all - for the person whose wedding / hen / celebration it is it feels like a one off but for guests it's just one of many expensive obligations! That's why I've had such reservations about this. I really don't want to assume everyone is happy or able to spend this much.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 19/03/2018 16:44

Really, I think the bride should give you more information about the general demographic of her friends.

I don't think it's bad at all. It's about the same cost as most of the hen parties I've been on and sounds like a similar kind of thing (renting large country houses for a weekend). I agree it's a lot of money but it's the kind of ballpark figure I've come to accept as 'what a hen party costs'. It's a long time since I've been on one which was 'just' a night out and two nights is far more common in my experience than one. But that's because my friends and family are scattered all over the country so, even if it was one night, lots of us would need to stay over anyway. So might as well make it a weekend.

If most of her friends have similar experiences and expectations to mine then they're going to be expecting this and it will be fine. But if they are used to very different costs and time commitments you could easily find yourself unable to run the weekend.

I'm surprised by how many have said YABU. But I think you need to pay attention to the majority opinion. I don't know how representative it is but there's so many people who think it's ridiculous that you can't really ignore it.

boxthefox · 19/03/2018 16:44

All I can say is that I feel for you OP trying to observe Bridie's wishes, but whatever happens, to my mind one night is more than enough!

That would halve the cost surely and might get more takers? Just a thought.

I'd go for one night, but not for two sorry. I'd have done my duty and would be glad to escape!

Hope it works out.

80sMum · 19/03/2018 16:46

It's absolutely fine if the bride-to-be is wealthy enough to cover the costs. But it would be totally unacceptable to invite guests to a party and ask them to pay for it themselves! It would be like asking wedding guests to pay for a portion of the venue costs or to pay for their own meals at the reception! That would be outrageous - and I doubt any of the invitees would accept under those circumstances. Who would?

WeeM · 19/03/2018 16:47

The only issue I think with just an overnight is that you will need to check out early and if everyone’s been drinking will be feeling rough and won’t be able to drive home til later.

Peartree17 · 19/03/2018 16:47

Firstly, OP, commiserations for landing this awful job.

IMO, £240 is too much to pay for hotel catering, a bit of a spa and Prosecco (why do people think female enjoyment is never complete without this horrible gut-rotting stuff?) and I'd find some urgent reason I couldn't go. Are the same guests going to have to fork out to attend the wedding itself? and gifts? It all sounds like a lot of money, but then I'm middle-aged, a bit grumpy and very, very particular about what I spend my hard-earned upon. (I do like splashing out, but I'm just really picky about the objective these days!)

I think you need to ask your guest list what their budget can bear and take it from there. And consult the bride.

HeedMove · 19/03/2018 16:47

We have done lochside hotel lodges for my friends hen do -

lochside-hotel.com/lodges

They do deals for use of spa and treatment and lunch per person etc and they also have entertainment nights for instance there’s one on in June for 90s pop music night and three course meal for 29.99.

We went on the Saturday afternoon, had decorated the lodge with pics of her and groom and her with us etc. Dressed her in the veil etc and popped champagne and played games like mr and mrs. Then we all got changed and went in for dinner, came back to the lodge (one sleeps 8 - 12 I think but you pay per person so even if there was 12 and four dropped out you’d only pay the same amount) put the music on and had a drink and got in hot tub.

Next morning we all made a big breakfast then we went into the spa and used it and had a treatment and lunch that was all included in the price.

To be honest though I think most people will be fine to pay what you are proposing but I’d start a group chat to discuss things and open it up. Let them know what bride would like and see what everyone else comes up with and all agree together. That’s what happened with my hen and they all agreed what they were happy with.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 16:48

@80sMum I think it's pretty normal now for hens to pay to attend hen parties - at least that's been the case for all the ones I've gone to. Still, I don't blame anyone who doesn't want to do so!

OP posts:
LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/03/2018 16:48

The problem with the 'one night' solution - and I think this is one of the reasons that weekends are popular - is that it's a bit crap for the people coming from London. If you have friends coming from all over the country - as have all the hen parties I've been to, including my own - then two nights is much nicer, because otherwise everyone has to get up at the crack of dawn on the Saturday, arrive after lunch and then leave again next morning - it feels like such a lot of effort for not much.