To ask for £240 for hen party?

[Ihatemyclients]

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

Why not an AirB&B in Edinburgh? Loads to do there and cheaper, probably, than some castle weekend.

Sorry I couldn't afford nearly half a month's rent for a hen do. I'd have to send my apologies and see if the bride wanted to meet up another time for a quiet drink or lunch.

Try Piper Dam, it’s not far from Dundee.

I'm a bit worried about the costings OP, your grasp of the money side of things is a bit vague

You say cutting prosecco would save a couple of pounds then later that it's actually £20!

You have no idea of how much it actually costs to get from London to Scotland

I wouldn't go on the basis it's probably nearer £300

@fuzzycustard and @heyhoindigo I travelled up to Edinburgh from London twice a month for a few years, stopping 3 years though still travel that route albeit less frequently for work and for pleasure. The standard off peak return was £122 if I booked last min, I’d get 7pm train on Friday and return to London on Sunday evening. I could get it cheaper buying it advance. For example, at the moment, you can get 18.40 train from Euston to Glasgow on first Friday in June, returning on Sunday, for £63 return. Massive saving. That’s leaving very early on Sunday morning, but more reasonable time is still £89 return. Train travel is usually centre to centre so no travel costs (or standard Oyster card journey). Flights were cheaper still if you avoid 3-5pm flights on a Friday but you need to factor in travel to and from airport, often the train from airport to London was more expensive than the flight at £25-£35 and usually still sub £100 all in. (In Edinburgh or Glasgow it’d just be few quid for a bus from airport to centre). Again flights London to Glasgow fri to sun in June are from £63 return. if getting train it’s so long you need to factor in food and gin! But yes by my long term experience of that route I’d suggest it’s less expensive than you suggest. I wouldn’t want to spend £240 on hen night and I wouldn’t want to go away for weekend. I think it’s pretty self indulgent and often not fun. A meal and night out is great, getting up hungover and sharing loo with people you don’t know then doing enforced “fun” activities then doing the night over again less so...

Have a look at MacDonald Marine hotel at Berwick. It meets your drive need. It has a station on the East Coast mainline so slightly shortens the travel time for the southerners & they don't have to travel on after train journey. Has a spa & good restaurant.

I would say to the others 'If you can get up on Friday night that's great, if not Saturday is fine. We're planning a spa session on Sunday for those that want to stay until after lunch.' That way you are letting people adapt to their own budgets. On the Saturday go for a long walk on the beach, explore Berwick, pub lunch.

Surely the London people could stay with Bride for free Friday night and make the hen do Sat to Sunday? If they are coming all that way they'd like more of a catch up?

I've taken a coach from Glasgow to London Victoria Station £39 but people, it was nearly 11 hours each way. Cheap, but, yep, nearly 11 hours. You could go even cheaper, but it was overnight on the way back and I don't sleep on coaches or airplanes so I pushed the boat out.

Can’t you just do one night? Why don’t you cost that up?

I’ve flown up on an early Sat morning flight and hired a car at Edinburgh airport and driven to a castle hotel for a hen do for one night. Was happy to do that. More hassle trying to get up for 2 and take Friday off / half day or get a pm flight after work.....

explore Berwick that wouldnt take long
The walk round the walls is nice but probably not what you want for a hen do but the spa day would be nice.

I think that is way too expensive .. you all have to fork out for wedding presents, outfits, hotels etc for the wedding ... I think it's quite bad manners to expect people to pay ... it can be stressful getting invited to things you can't really afford ... I think you will get quite a few get out excuses if you go ahead .

Stay in a poncey castle with my OH? Yes! Stay in a poncey castle with a load of random people? No!
I always think of the cost of things like this in relation to my crappy monthly pay. In my case I couldn't justify spending a third of my wages on something like that.

Just cost it out and send an email to all offering it as a suggestion, ask for feedback, who would come etc...

As long as you don't present it as "this is what we are doing" "this is what it will cost" etc..

Some won't mind, some won't be able to do it. All is ok.

Personally i think the bride should subsidise it if this is what she specifically wants... i did.

The MacDonald Marine Hotel is at North Berwick, not Berwick, just in case anyone's thinking of booking it.

Sounds reasonable OP, given they'll almost all have above average salaries and all food and activities are included.

However, YABU to assume that 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person is adequate.

If was just about to write exactly the same as the pp.
You need to send an email to everyone and see whether your idea appeals to them.
When you have an idea of confirmed attendees at an agreed price point, THEN you can look at accommodation/activities.

'However, YABU to assume that 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person is adequate.'

Definitely! It's only, like 11%, too.

Meant to say OP though this isn’t a dig at you, you’ve been given a bad hand!

@inspiredbyintegrity the marine hotel is lovely but is in north Berwick in East Lothian. I think you’re thinking of the East Coast mainline stop of Berwick upon tweed which is in England, albeit not far from the border, and is about an hour’s drive from North Berwick. You can get however get East Coast train London to Edinburgh Waverley then get 20 min train from that station to North Berwick.

I loved reading all the replies which were all eminently sensible.

I think OP took on board those posts that mentioned speaking with Bridie again and hopefully it will all work out for everyone.

I wouldn't go for that amount...and I'm very comfortable finance-wise. Ridiculous amount of money to celebrate someone else's decision to get married. And that's not even for the wedding. I don't understand this ridiculous spending on weddings.

The MacDonald Marine Hotel is at North Berwick, not Berwick, just in case anyone's thinking of booking it.

Wondered why I had never heard of it

That's more than my months rent!! And for that I'd want a private room and it to be catered, I certainly wouldn't pay that if I were to be one of those lumbered with the cooking and people complaining about it not being what they like or whatever! And I also enjoy cooking and help cater for 20-40 people at training events. Wouldn't matter though as no way I could afford even half that!

If you book this accommodation, be prepared for people to say they're going and then change their mind - resulting in greater costs for everyone else. This happened to our group of friends recently and most of us were v annoyed at having to fork out even more money. If I had to arrange a hen doo, I'd be booking hotel rooms that are easily changeable and cheaper.

I appreciate you are trying to meet the bride's expectations but really, what planet are people on? In my book, what the bride chooses, the bride pays for. Alternatively she can let her friends get on with planning her a lovely surprise that everyone can afford.

Yellow you're right to be clear it's a while since I was there.