To ask for £240 for hen party?

[Ihatemyclients]

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

Motoko Totally agree.

I will totally understand if people don't want to come as a result but the bride might be upset

Sorry OP but she does sound a bit like a Bridezilla. I take it she has given you a list of who to invite, roughly the area it should be in, and that it cannot just be a night out. Of course she knows that this is going to cost everyone a pretty penny. Then there is the wedding next, as I will assume all the same people will be invited. So there, once again they will have for pay out for accommodation, travel, and lets not forget gifts. I can sort of see a never ending spiral here, as next its the baby shower, gender reveal etc etc. I know it is her wedding day, but if some friends cannot afford that for one weekend, she has to understand that not everyone can drop everything, or afford what she wants them to.

Apologies I did skim read as the thread is a bit long, so I may be repeating. I think you have a difficult task ahead of you, not sure you are going to be able to make everyone happy here.

I would definitely talk to the bride first then she can ask her friends how they feel about paying. This whole ‘oh the bride mustn’t know anything about the hen do’ drives me mad. They are her friends coming for her hen do, I really think she needs to be dealing with the fall out when the group message shit hits the fan!
I’ve been on a hen do similar and still resent going now. There was so much arguing on the group message about the costings. Basically the bride had stipulated it had to be this this and that but then didn’t want to know anything else or have any other involvement. We were also merging the brides costs into ours so she wasn’t even paying for herself. I think she just wanted a free weekend away really.
I feel for you because hen dos are so hard to organise. Everyone has different budgets and expectations it’s hard to please everyone.

I really don't get this the bride will be upset if everyone doesn't dance to her tune nonsense.

So what?
She's getting married (and she certainly isn't the first to do that), she hasn't won a Princess for a Day competition.

I think it depends on the group who are being invited. That’s a massive amount of money to some people and small change to others. I would spend that on a friends hen weekend (but that’s because I’m lucky enough to be able to afford it).

MN hates hen dos

£240 is pretty standard for a en do (even on the cheap side) and I think its good value for what it includes. However the costs WILL go up and it WILL be an nightmare.

I suggest booking serviced apartment style accommodation for one night, in Edinburgh (this way you can easily book more or less depending how many people confirm) and having a lovely Sat afternoon activity, Sat evening and Sunday brunch. Nice and fun. Much cheaper. Easier for the London people to get there/back.

She's getting married (and she certainly isn't the first to do that), she hasn't won a Princess for a Day competition.

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar massive lol!!!! :-)

Surely it’s like any other event- you decide you want to do something, you invite people, they choose to accept or decline.
I’ve been to hen weekends that have cost a few hundred pounds, it was great.
But I like weekend away with my friends and I wouldn’t go if I couldn’t afford it or didn’t fancy it.
I don’t see why everything should just be as cheap as possible all the time, provided there’s no pressure to go.
The only worry with this scenario is the costs changing- that’s going to cause problems

fluffy whether it's standard price or not is kind of beyond the point.

cost of a standard bmw is 30,000 pounds but that doesn't mean I can afford it.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar

Don't be so daft. The hen night is the bride's hen night, not a general night out. The idea is that you give her a good time, not make her cry.

Amazing thread.
If some one asked me to pay hundreds of pounds to share a room with a stranger, plus the self catering, I'd laugh. Then not like the bride so much anymore for being so full of her own importance.
As pp's have written happy to pay that for family but for a w/e with strangers no way in hell.

I think you're being very generous claiming the bride isn't a bridezilla, maybe not, but most definitely a princess.
Share a room and maybe even a bed with a stranger . No way. No dinners out included it's all self catering. No.
No spa treatments that's extra?
Travel extra
People dropping out like flies more extra costs.
Fail.

I am stunned by the bad manners people display by asking friends to pay for things that the Hen/Stag or Birthday Person want to do, even more so when you are expected to pay for their experience as well as your own.

A group of friends deciding to have a weekend away and agreeing a budget is one thing, someone else dictating what is to be spent is quite another.

I do understand that the event should be special but special doesn’t have to be expensive.

My hen do was a group make up lesson paid for by me for my best friends and then dinner (again which I paid for but it was a fun local place not some expensive smart restaurant) and a club where I bought the first round. I saved up for it as I have a very income diverse group of friends and wanted everyone to be relaxed. It was fun and the photos still make us laugh. A friend had several made into cushions for my 40th and they make me smile every day.

If a hen do is supposed to mean anything, surely it’s about celebrating female friendships that have been a big part of your life premarriage and saying thank you before the start of your life as a couple.

Categoric

But that isn't what hen dos are. They're not thank yous. They're a send off for the bride. Yes, the cost is often ridiculous, but no one has to go.

@seventh YABU to suggest haggis for any occasion 

I figured that I was 😂😂

Have I missed an update ?

Did op what's app hens or ask bride ?

Hen do's are a ridiculous invention.Friends are emotionally blackmailed to go and spend too much money. And then again for a wedding. Just have a girls night at the pub. Crackers

I think that's ridiculous personally. If my best friend requested that from me for her hen weekend I'd refuse. There's no way I'd be able to afford it practically and really.. My money could be spent on better things.

^^ Grannygrissle I hear you this is EXACTLY how these things go.

I have just organised my own hen do - £67 each , that includes train, hotel with spa and a show ! 2 of my friends are single mums I wouldnt want to leave them out and I dont want to be telling people 'We're doing this and it will cost x amount' I have conferred with people and done a few hours googling. I think if you chose an expensive do it can alienate people and people end up dropping out

Have scanned the thread - sorry if I missed it, I did spot reference to a Facebook poll - but has anyone suggested an anonymous email survey?

My bridesmaids did a bit of research and then sent emails to everyone I’d suggested inviting with multiple choice questions. There were about three questions I think, one with three price ranges to choose from, one with three dates to choose from and one with activity preferences

I think people should be comfortable to state their budgets etc but not everyone is - luckily in my case I think the votes were more or less unanimous so easy then for them to plan. You could adapt the survey so people can state if something would prevent them coming altogether

Mine was lovely, cocktail making and a tacky night out which was just what I wanted! (Though I didn’t request anything)

I don’t think PPs are necessarily in a position to judge whether £240 is “ridiculous” as it’s so relative to the group, it sounds like a fab weekend and I’d love to go if I knew at least a couple of people! But my circumstances will change shortly (baby on way) which might make it hard to justify

Wow, it would take me a year to save up that amount of disposable income and for a 2 night stay in Scotland? No thanks!

Unless all of the proposed guests earn good money with plenty disposable, and are child free/have guaranteed childcare for free from a family member, those costs are ridiculous. Also, pretty sure they would want a LOT more alcohol if what i've heard of hen parties is to be believed, and it wont be cheap. As for travel for some, and the costs going up per person for every one person who doesn't come along, its way too expensive.

Hen dos have came a long way since mine. But I've married nearly 20 years, mine was your traditional Scottish hen do.....to anyone not old and Scottish this probably sounds horrific but I had a great night. Lots friends , me dressed up with a veil, L plates, a potty etc., getting escorted round all the pubs in the West end of Glasgow, exchanging kisses for donations into the potty. It was some night plus I made a good few hundred pounds so win win! 😂

There are two things that come to mind for me. One is the possibility of sharing a room (or, my god, even worse) a bed with someone you may not know very well. My personal idea of hell - I would pay £240 NOT to have to share with someone, the other is the catering. Some poor soul is going to have to buy and transport a heck of a lot of food (and think of all those different dietary requirements), prepare and cook it, and try and persuade people to help, and this poor person (probably you op) is paying for the privilege. If I was doing all that work I would expect someone to pay me.

I agree Shatnerswig If people politely declined these monstrosities of extravaganzas then expectations would become more realistic.
This thread has got me pondering, is it instaculture which has inspired these hideously puffed up affairs or some sort of religion replacement? If you are atheist, living with your partner, a non virgin many times over then is money and image something tomake the wedding seem worthwhile and tangible?
'Because i'm worth it?!' Worth 5k of your friend's money and a weekend of their time? Worth a castle etc for your hen do? If you want a castle you book the wedding there at your expense. Makes me glad Mumsnet is my best only friend

Ridiculous