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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 20/03/2018 07:10

small
Around about the time weddings started to be 'act like a celebrity princess for the day' type events.

smallpatrol · 20/03/2018 07:14

It seems so Maisy. It's perhaps the sort of thing you do in your teens or early 20s. I really couldn't justify that much money up front for a hen party even for my sister or my best friend instead of spending it on a break away with my children.

maddening · 20/03/2018 07:28

If the bride is dictating an expensive do then she should be contacting her numerous friends to get numbers and money and paying herself and subsidising drop outs herself.

MaisyPops · 20/03/2018 07:31

I got married in my mid.20s and our hen/stags consisted of:
Afternoon activity
Meal
Night out
Breakfast before everyobe went home

Simple and affordable. If people were busy then they were busy. We know that's just life. We are all still friends.

maddening · 20/03/2018 07:31

Ps please could you pm my the link to the castle - it sounds fab 😁

timeisnotaline · 20/03/2018 07:33

It will cost twice that much as half the people will decline. I would decline on that basis alone- that I had no idea how much it could cost. With a weekend away and several hundred pounds minimum very few people would expect a large group to actually turn up.

seventh · 20/03/2018 07:37

She's actually a lovely girl (if ditzy and not the most practical)

Then she'll be fine with a pie/haggis and a pint down the local 👍👍 😊

cloudtree · 20/03/2018 07:41

I would start the conversation with the bride

"Right so I've worked hard on this to get the price down as much as possible whilst accommodating your wishes. Its going to come to £4300 plus alcohol and soft drinks plus we probably need to up the food budget since it will be difficult to accommodate everyone's preferences and needs. So for 18 guests, £4700 should do it. Plus all travel cost are then on top. Are you paying for it out of the wedding budget? If so can I have the money up front please so that I can start booking everything. Or are you expecting your guests to pay for this on top of their travel?"

Might make the point??

bonnyshide · 20/03/2018 07:49

If I was a guest I couldn't afford that, and would have to miss out, which would make me sad and feel excluded. But I guess the bride isn't worried about that in her pursuit for her ideal hen weekend.

Bobbybobbins · 20/03/2018 07:51

We booked hotel rooms that were refundable for mine. So although we had to pay in advance, when 2 people dropped out it was easy enough to get the money back - that is very important so no one else is landed with the cost.

MissHemsworth · 20/03/2018 08:03

I went on a hen that cost me nearly £1000 last year. Needless to say we didn't get a family holiday that year. I just felt like I couldn't say no. It was a fabulous weekend away, though I wouldn't even contemplate expecting my friends & family to shell out that amount.

Trills · 20/03/2018 08:04

Scotland is full of castles.

If they lived in Gloucester instead of Edinburgh it'd be a (large) cottage in the Cotswolds rather than Scottish castle.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/03/2018 08:18

It's not really a question of "is £240+ good value for a weekend away?"
It is; but only if you're doing something you'd actually want/choose to do. It's the weekend with a gang of people who barely know each other playing silly games to break the ice and create an air of forced jollity to cover the fact that most of them have nothing very much in common, and wouldn't choose to be together for any other occasion, that would send me running.
Like I said before, I'd do a night willingly.
A weekend would have me hiding under the bedclothes.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2018 08:24

I can't believe anyone would put a hen do above a family holiday. If a person wrote that their partner was doing that, MN would tell them to LTB.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 20/03/2018 08:27

Iama exactly. 240 quid for a weekend with my best friend, nice food, good banter etc - good value and I’d be up for it. 240 to spend time with people I barely know, getting pissed up and doing stupid games - would rather cut my own head off.

thecatsthecats · 20/03/2018 08:50

I had a moment of realisation when I twigged that the difference in my savings to my fiances was down to the cost of hen parties. Fricking hen parties.

My bridesmaid talked to me about how 'all she had wanted' for her hen do was to go away abroad, and that's what she'd ALWAYS wanted. It fell apart because it was costing £400 for 3 days (short days because of crap flights) just for flights and accommodation - no food, no drink, nothing else. Add in getting to the airport, booze and food, and you were looking at about £600ish.

To compensate, they said 'there won't be any expensive activities etc - we'll shop at the supermarket and play around at the private pool' - ooh yay, sitting around by a pool for 3 days with a bunch of near-strangers.

'What the bride wants' is a daft mantra.

ShatnersWig · 20/03/2018 08:52

People are idiots.

The majority of brides complain about how much an actual wedding costs but those same brides tend to want ridiculously expensive hen weekends on top and impose yet more costs on their friends. And then half the friends will be on MN moaning about how much it's all costing (but still going on the bloody hen weekend because they don't want to upset the bride). As well as moaning about the fact they received an invite that said "no children please but we want your money".

Weddings have got out of hand, hen parties even more so and those who have fallen in with this shit have themselves to blame.

Not one friend has even gone for a hen weekend. The most extravagant one was wine tasting and afternoon tea at a local vineyard, followed by dinner and drinks at a nice but not stupidly expensive restaurant. If people wanted to come from distance, that was their choice and they could find accommodation to suit their pocket, but the day itself was around £70.

I only know one stag who had anything other than drinks and a curry, and that was an overnight in Dublin including a tour of the Guinness factory!

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 20/03/2018 08:55

shatner have to say I agree. People moan about the cost but insist on having it all. Just fuckin chill, no one cares about your wedding or hen party half as much as you do.

BeanFobbedOff · 20/03/2018 09:28

Shatners you always seem to have such such a low opinion of women, so I really do question why you actively seek out this female-majority space.

LunchBoxPolice · 20/03/2018 09:40

I wouldn't spend that much on a hen weekend. If I had that much cash to spare I'd spend it on a weekend doing exactly what I wanted.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/03/2018 09:44

Shatner's opinion was hardly different to the majority on this thread, Bean Confused. Where does the woman hating come in?

ShatnersWig · 20/03/2018 09:49

Bean Seriously? Where do you get that from???? Please provide me with plenty of examples that give you that opinion because I am actually shocked if that's the vibe I give off.

To be fair, I did say "people are idiots" to begin with but generally speaking it is the brides who determine what happens with regard weddings and hen dos (obviously) rather than grooms. I can't remember the last time I saw the word "groomzilla" on here. I've been equally scathing of expensive stag weekends in the past too and the need to go away for those. Note I pointed out that I only know one stag do that was a weekend away but that all my female friends seem to be quite happy doing hen days or hen nights rather than these extravagant affairs. But this is a thread about a HEN weekend specifically and it seems plenty of women on this thread think it is all nonsense too. Or is everyone who these dos are extravagantly expensive on this thread a man?

Motoko · 20/03/2018 09:52

It's not just hen parties though is it? It's also stags. So if both of a couple know the bride and groom, and go on the hen and stag parties, then to the wedding, that's a hefty chunk out of their wages.

And often, people feel that they have to go. It's time more people started declining, citing cost.

I'm shocked that a pp paid 1K for a hen do, and then had to forego the family holiday. Why can't people say "I'm sorry, I really can't afford it", it's not that hard.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 20/03/2018 09:56

Motoko totally agree. I say no to stuff all the time, and I don't get those that don't. Fear of missing out, perhaps? Or of offending people?

If people get offended, they're not really your friends anyway, and the only thing I fear missing out on is peace, quiet and sleeping.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 20/03/2018 10:01

@trills very true! They're almost ten a penny here!

@seventh YABU to suggest haggis for any occasion Grin

@bonnyshide she would care about that a lot, that's why I've said upthread that I do need to talk to her about it because I know she wouldn't want anyone to feel excluded Smile

OP posts: