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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
ThisIsTheFirstStep · 19/03/2018 21:47

I wouldn’t pay it cos it’s not my idea of fun anyway. I want to spend weekends with my family; a night out with friends is plenty. Plus I’d rather save the money for a decent family holiday.

missiondecision · 19/03/2018 21:52

Outrageously expectant.
A castle ? Why?

goldenbulldog · 19/03/2018 21:55

I wouldn't pay

ADishBestEatenCold · 19/03/2018 21:55

What are you actually going to do with all those people for 40-50 hours, Ihatemyclients?

In my experience the less expensive Scottish castles are often quite remote and lacking in all-round entertainment. I can visualise lots of 'in-between' periods of time, where people will be looking to you for a lead to 'what happens next', but there won't be a huge amount happening next when spread over three-days/two-nights (unless you count cooking and loading the dishwasher).

Another concern I would have would be that you might be asking strangers not just to share rooms, but to share beds. Self-catering places tend to have a range of room types, some kingsize, some double, some twin and one or two singles. In a place with around 9 or 10 bedrooms, it seems likely that 5 of these might be doubles/kings. Are there 10 friends who will be happy to share beds?

clairedelalune · 19/03/2018 22:00

Could you not have a spa day in Edinburgh (if that's where most people live) and dinner in a restaurant? With people choosing which bits to go to? Those coming from London, if they choose to do so could stay in premier inn/at bride's house?
I think OP you are being very thoughtful and considerate.
I personally hate hen weekends. I have luckily only been to one, having wangled work related excuses for other invites (and only went to that one as btb had had a shit year). The one I went on was a miserable, cold and wet affair involving a 6 hour drive and when I got there, out of the four other friends I knew (other than the bride) who were going, only one actually turned up.... I won't go into why it was so horrendous, it just was, but confirmed I had been right to decline other ones.
Time and money are both very precious. Unless a wedding is local, you are already giving up a weekend and several hundred pounds to attend it. Tbh I think brides and grooms have a bloody cheek to think that people may want to spend (at least) another weekend and another several hundred pounds on hen/stag dos. Factor in that they may well have been invited to several other such events that year ( I know it is an invite not a summons, but there are some people whose invites you cannot decline).it is getting to the stage where attending a wedding (and hen/stag) is costing towards the same as a family holiday. I know how I would rather spend my money.
I think the time factor and giving up a whole weekend is also an issue.
Sorry. I have just realised I have hada mega moan. OP I think you sound lovely trying to consider all of this and please your friend. You asked if it was too much, and yes, I think it is as prices will creep up, particularly when people drop out. If I were to go, I would be super pissed off to find the cost had hone up to £300 because people had dropped out. Please don't pay anything until you have had full payment from everyone as you will end up footing the bill. I would also reconsider self catering; others will view you and the other bridesmaid as the organisers and therefore the skivvies. I really would go for approach of 'we are going to spa at cost of x pp, please send me x by random date if you would like to come. Dinner afterwards at y restaurant, let me know by random date if you are coming so I can confirm numbers with y.' I would then leave it to bride to suggest her two london friends come to stay.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 19/03/2018 22:04

I think your absolute biggest issue by far is the fact the majority of the cost is fixed in the accommodation- it leaves you massively exposed in the event of drop outs.

There's also potential for resentment and failings out between the hens if people dropping out mean that others the end up shouldering more of the cost.

Tiredtomybones · 19/03/2018 22:05

If anyone asked me for £240 plus travel for a hen party, I'd either laugh in their face or be sick. I haven't got a spare £2.40 at the moment, never mind paying into the hundreds. It'd be a no from me.

GU24Mum · 19/03/2018 22:08

Just to echo the PPs aobut giving people an idea about costs. There's no way all 18 will go so surely it's better to say that it would be X if 16 go; Y if 12 people go etc but cheaper if everyone can make it. I think saying that the costs will go up is a bit vague - people are likely to think a small amount and be unhappy when they are asked for another £60 especially if it felt expensive initially.

overduemamma · 19/03/2018 22:09

I've just payed £400 for a 4 night away in magaluf 😬

ThatGirl82 · 19/03/2018 22:13

I wouldn’t be able to afford that at the moment. I think you need to accept that some people won’t be able to afford it/not want to spend that much money on a hen do.

MissWimpyDimple · 19/03/2018 22:20

In theory I could afford it but it would definitely eat into my general holiday budget at that sort of cost.

It's too much and you are going to end up with a massive bill if you aren't careful

Cornishclio · 19/03/2018 22:41

While £240 doesn't sound too bad for 2 nights in a castle in Scotland I think it is unrealistic to assume all 18 will be able to afford it or want to come for the whole weekend especially if they don't all know each other well.

My DD decided that she wanted a weekend of fun activities locally for her hen weekend and people could come to some of the activities or all of it. Most were local though and we had accommodation lined up for the ones who weren't. I paid for a meal on the Sunday and there was a treasure trail around our local city, an afternoon tea, an evening buffet with games and dvds and alcohol and then bowling and lunch out the following day. Noone paid more than £60 for the whole weekend although as I said I bought the meal out and we all clubbed together for food and drink for the evening.

While the bride may not think the weekend will cost so much I do think sometimes people forget that often there is more than 1 wedding or event to attend over the year. If a hen weekend is £240 (more with travel and dropouts) and then the wedding gift, accommodation and outfit etc for that I just think it is unreasonable to ask people to pay it. I would gauge it by doing a whats app or messenger chat thread to see what people are prepared to spend in time of money and time. My elder DD organised my youngests hen weekend and did it all via facebook. Initially it was just here are the ideas of things we can do, how many would want to come for the whole weekend and how many just one day. As we were all mostly local most did do all the activities.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 19/03/2018 22:46

I would pay that for a really good friend or close family member but definitely not for a colleague, distant relation of a friend I wasn't particularly close to

As others have pointed out, I assume this cost is based on all the invitees agreeing to it which I very much doubt they will which will leave those left with an even bigger bill

pigeondujour · 19/03/2018 22:48

How does one communicate 'very clearly' that they want a £250pp-not-including-travel hen weekend in a castle (you know, like where princesses live) in a lovely, non-bridezilla way?

coconuttella · 19/03/2018 22:56

£240 is a lot, but it depends on the crowd invited.... as has been said, for some that’s fine, for others not.

However, it’s a lot less than many hen/stag dos I hear about.... usually going off to some European destination for a long weekend with various ‘events’ included... when drink and meals out are included people are lucky to get change out of - grand!

yoyo1234 · 19/03/2018 23:17

Wow, that is a lot to ask from s lot of people for a hen do.

UnimaginativeUsername · 19/03/2018 23:28

If you think this part of the planning is bad, just wait til you’re trying to come up with (and cook) a menu that all 19 people will eat. Grin

Snowysky20009 · 19/03/2018 23:34

I would pay the cost no problem.

However, by the time you factor in travel, extra alcohol, food, soft drinks and covering the costs of those who drop out (and are you paying for the bride?), then no I wouldn't pay all the additional costs. You are probably looking at an easy £400- £550, if you are lucky.

Mammyloveswine · 20/03/2018 05:46

Can you break down the 240 quid?

How much is the castle pp?
What food are you cooking and therefore buying? Prosecco costs a fiver a bottle so the 1.5 bottles per person isn't the issue here!

Definitely try and find alternative accomodation, and just order in pizzas if you must self-cater!

chestylarue52 · 20/03/2018 05:56

It doesn’t matter that none of the others have children - they might have other caring responsibilities, pets, stressful jobs that mean they don’t want to be away from home for three days. It’s too much unless you’re really close friends.

wakemeupbefore · 20/03/2018 06:35

The whole 'Hen Party' thing is so vulgar [boak]; what's the current thing with prosecco? Prosecco bloody everywhere?

[Misses the point completely].

Afrostyle1000 · 20/03/2018 06:38

I spent £££ on a hen do. I bitterly and still do resent it.

Pengggwn · 20/03/2018 06:42

It's excellent value for what you have arranged, but you'll be assuming people want to spend that much rather than go to a more modest event. And you'll get lots of people on here saying, 'Why can't you just go down the Dog and Duck for a couple of halfs?' And the answer is, you can, if you want the bride in tears! If she has asked for a weekend away, this isn't really the fault of the chief bridesmaid. People just have to decide whether or not they want to go, and the bride has to accept that not everyone will want to shell out that much, and some won't go.

MaisyPops · 20/03/2018 06:58

It all seems a bit much and like the bride has decided 'you lot have good jobs so pay for my princess day'.
I know people in well paid jobs but they have a huge mortgage and childcare so have less disposable income than me (which isn't loads).

You're in an awkward position OP. I can see people dropping out and the costs are based on numbers. When I was on a wedding planning forum, there were millions of threads on situations like this.

  • Bride wants...
  • MOH tries to arrange and gets an expensive figure
  • people try to manage it
  • people drop out
  • cost goes up for everyone
And the answer is, you can, if you want the bride in tears! If the bride is the sort of person who'll throw a tantrum because she didn't get a £4,000 hen do then I'm afraid she needs a grip and to stop acting like a silly little princess.
smallpatrol · 20/03/2018 07:02

Not everyone will be able to afford I suspect. When did hen/stag nights become long weekends?