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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/03/2018 20:18

the largest cost is the accommodation which doesn't change regardless of how many come ... (hence having a rethink!)

I believe your "rethink" is very wise Wink It's obvious why venues try to get away with these "fixed price" things, but less certain why folk accept them - especially for something like this with the toxic possibility of ballooning costs as guests drop out

And @GrannyGrissle I like the way your mind works!! Grin

Makingworkwork · 19/03/2018 20:19

I have only read the beginning and the end of the thread. Sorry if this has already been said.

£240 would be way over my budget and I am in a dual income professional family. I would not want to leave my child for two nights. Do any of the other hens have children?

What about reducing it to one night? If enough hens pull out you may need a smaller venue.

shakeyourcaboose · 19/03/2018 20:20

Where abouts does it have to be? I've been to a few weekend type hens and none been that amount. You could try the camping wooden pod type things, there's ones in Perth, Edinburgh, Loch Ness and Glasgow that I've been too- or other places you can hire lodges?

sailorcherries · 19/03/2018 20:21

My sister wanted to organise a similar hen weekend for me, followed by a night out at a later date for those who couldn't attend. I completely vetoed it. The weekend would be £200+, the night out possibly £100 plus the cost of attending the actual wedding.

Most of my guests are also shift workers and don't have a typical 9-5, attending (or feeling the pressure to attend) a weekend, night out and a wedding would be too much of their leave used on me.

We've compromised on a local spa hotel for a day for myself, her and MOG and bridesmaids (if they want to attend). Then a meal for close family and bridal party locally (my gran could only manage this and I want her there for a bit). Then going in to the local town for possibly cocktail making and a night out (everyone invited to both but no pressure as to what part). I feel that giving people the choice will help them relax, takes a lot of the money pressures off of people and allows people to attend the part they want. I'm also only inviting family to the day, plus 1 close friend, which is 100 guests all in. I teach and all of my colleagues are invited to the night (and additional 20+ without partners) and it allows me to invite them without feeling cheeky.

I think the brides idea is far too excessive.

PuppyMonkey · 19/03/2018 20:21

Only 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? Shock

MammaH2018 · 19/03/2018 20:21

to be fair to the bride she doesn't know that's how much it is costing!

Yeah but she must realise it’s not going to be cheap?! She knows what she’s asking, even if she doesn’t know the exact figure per head she knows it’s going to be a struggle for some of those who have been invited. If it was me, and I wanted this type of hen party I would pay for it myself.... but that’s just me!!!

Samantha77hat · 19/03/2018 20:22

What is the point of asking ransoms on here. You have people struggling on benefits and millionaires.

For some people it’s nothing, for some it’s normal, for somenots a stretch but doable, for some it’s possible for a best friend only, for some it’s possible but they don’t like spending money like that, for some it is out of the question

I’ve spent £1k on an Ibiza trip like this and been happy to do so, and spent £150 on a night out and been annoyed at the cost, and I’m just one person.

What matters is, has the bride considered whether her friends can afford this and is she happy for them not to come if they can’t.

Realistically you have to be quite comfortable and quite a good friend to spend that much so that’s what matters notba load of strangers’ opinions

shakeyourcaboose · 19/03/2018 20:22

Ooo this place in pitlochry is offering 50% off.. www.kinnaird-house.co.uk/up-to-50-OFF-Now-news

Blondielongie · 19/03/2018 20:23

Is the bride paying for herself?

Fundays12 · 19/03/2018 20:28

I wouldn’t go to hen do that cost that especially if I had to factor in travel and alcohol on top. I think a lot of people won’t go to be honest at that price plus many people will have kids they can’t or won’t leave for a weekend.

expatinscotland · 19/03/2018 20:28

What BewareofDragons said. It's like when you go on a night out and kid yourself you'll spend only £50 - sure if your night involves going to Maccie D's for dinner and then drinking in a subway.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 19/03/2018 20:30

I’ve read all of your post, but only skimmed the replies.

  • it’s a long way from London for a Hen do. Yep, but that applies no matter what you do and it’s a decision those people can make for themselves, whether they want to travel or not.
  • Castle sounds great. However, we did a ‘tour of castles’ and they varied enormously in whether the felt like a castle inside or not, some were very disappointing and it wasn’t related to the price.
  • I’d be happy to spend £240 on a weekend away, with friends, including food, activities & some alcohol. I’d rather spend a bit more and have a few more bottles of prosecco (I’m happy with prosecco), 1.5 bottles over 2 days/nights is a bit meh. If you can get it cheap & get it there, I’d rather pay more towards that. However for that I’d want it catered by the venue, not friends. Not because of your cooking, but because I’d want everyone relaxing and not some relaxing, some catering, others feeling they should wash up etc. Personally I’d rather stay somewhere that, that price, would enable me to have my own room. But that’s come with age (40’s), I didn’t mind sharing so much when I was younger.

It’s probably been suggested already by now, but is it an option to have a Hen Party that’s less expensive and you and her go another time for a girls spa weekend in a castle (some are dire though, be warned).

goose1964 · 19/03/2018 20:34

I've only been on one hen night, and that was a meal in a nice restaurant

honeyroar · 19/03/2018 20:39

Ten of my friends spent £200 each on a weekend away for one friend's birthday. It included two nights in a travelodge (own rooms), two full days and nights at an attraction we were all interested in and a visit to a castle followed by a three course meal on the final day. It included the birthday girl's costs. Everything was done as cheaply as possible and I had a Facebook group going to check everyone was OK cost wise before I booked it. The birthday girl was so delighted she paid for the whole drinks bill with the meal, which wasn't small.

frigginell · 19/03/2018 20:41

I would never, ever, presume that people would spend this amount of money and time celebrating my up-coming wedding. If a good friend can't afford this, or can't just drop all of their responsibilities for the weekend, they're effectively cut out of the celebration. What's the point, really?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 19/03/2018 20:53

None with kids

The OP has already said none of them have kids.

AGGIEDAD · 19/03/2018 21:05

There are 2 questions here. First is 'is it worth £240' answer prob yes. Second question is 'can everyone afford it?' which is tougher. Last stag w/e was hundreds. I am lucky as can afford it and was a peripheral guest . Groom's brothers felt they had to be there but could ill afford it. Poor choice in my opinion

MrsDilber · 19/03/2018 21:09

In my day it was a rude hat, L plates and hitting the nightclubs.

I wouldn't want to pay that sort of money myself.

3boysandabump · 19/03/2018 21:16

I'd pay it for a ds or something but not for a df no matter how close

SalutHallo · 19/03/2018 21:26

I organised a hen party where the bride wanted a weekend away and even looking at the cheapest hostels that slept enough people, it was too much for most hens (c. £70 for accommodation and food...) and so we swapped it to a £20 all-in, DIY in the park job and everyone had a great time, very much helped by the price! We did a Facebook poll for the different options and we found out that people didn’t want to spend much and most only wanted one day. Could you ask the group in this way?

justforthisthread101 · 19/03/2018 21:31

You’ve had lots of good advice but other one here to echo talking to the bride. My main concern is that she has been so exacting about what she wants without actually appreciating the cost. To ask £18 people to spend that plus travel plus booze is just way too much.

And I’m another fan of (and did) the night out hen. Nothing else is necessary. What day of the week is the wedding. Will they need to take a day off for the wedding too? Is it in a location where all will have to pay for accommdation? I really think people lose the run of themselves when planning weddings.

JustDanceAddict · 19/03/2018 21:31

THAts far too much esp as some are travelling from London. And if the cost is dependent on attendees that’s a nightmare. I would pay it for a best friend as a one off, but not for a lesser friend and if there were a lot of hen nights to go to.
I’m glad im
Old enough not to have the pressure of going away as it seems to be massive now. We did restaurant, club, some slept over at mine, out for fry up the next day.

MrsJasonIsbell · 19/03/2018 21:33

I wouldn't be able to go as I'm a single parent and if I had a spare £240 I would spend it on my kids. I guess it all depends who the friends are... if they are young, in decent jobs and childless then it's prob fine.

fencote · 19/03/2018 21:41

Love the idea of a Facebook poll! Grin. Just poll the budget range that people are willing to spend then you'll know what the majority would like to spend.

Just remember all the wedding present threads on here and the overwhelming consensus that the average sum spent on the actual wedding present of a good friend was about £50. There will only be a few - a handful at most who would be willing to spend £300 for the hen do even if they could afford it.

Motoko · 19/03/2018 21:44

I would never, ever, presume that people would spend this amount of money and time celebrating my up-coming wedding.

Yes, it's quite entitled to expect people to fork out hundreds on your hen do.